A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There is a new lady in office. She is 38 and I am 26. She is really very cute and hot at the same time...rare combination but yes she is. I have been wondering how to ask her out and what subjects could I talk to her on to attract her towards me. Really confused, as I'm attracted to married women 95% times more than my own age or younger females. I am married and she is divorced but has a boyfriend. I just want to go out with her a couple of times. I know its not right but my attraction towards her is way beyond ignorable. Can someone help???
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divorce, has a boyfriend, she has a boyfriend Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2012): Dont do it, she will make a laughingstock out of you, Trust me. I did t a similair thing at a previous job with a woman who was 10 years older and very good looking. I would ask her to coffee and finally I got up enough courage to ask her out to lunch/dinner. She laughed in my face. I told her that I apologized and I would bother her again but to please keep it quiet that I expressed an interest in her. She didn't! She made me an office laughingstock! I was ruined!! I had to leave in disgrace because everyone would mock me- I couldn't face her or my co workers. Most humiliating thing that could have ever happend to me. So save face - Dont do it.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 February 2012):
 To piggyback on what Cindy said:
I'm nearly 52, I love younger men my fiancé is a whopping 38n yrs young and I'm an outrageous flirt... but that's it.. I just FLIRT... if a man (married, single, engaged or otherwise) actually asked me out, I would turn him down and laugh in his face to be honest... the fact that he had no respect for the sanctity of a relationship says a lot about his LACK of character...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 February 2012):
 What makes you so sure that a 38 y.o. woman with a boyfriend would be interested with a dalliance with a 26 y.o. married guy ?...
She'd probably just laugh in your face and make you the office laughingstock.. Or get mad and have her bf teach you a lesson. Or report you to management and ruin your reputation with them.
Too many things can go wrong- and this, leaving totally aside the moral issue, i.e. that you are married !
It can really take a wrong turn, so ,unless SHE is the one heavily hitting on you, I would not risk making a fool of myself.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 February 2012):
 His wife will be made to look like a fool. It is embarrassing to her to have a cheating husband. And that's just by western cultural standards. In the arabic countries I believe the wife's reputation is in direct proportion to her husbands reputation.
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A
female
reader, Missy123 +, writes (10 February 2012):
Ohhh I missed the first sentence, there's a new lady in the office, give her time to acclimatize And get comfortable with the new routine and daily activities. You don't want to be like the guys from Anchorman with Will Farrell - all trying to date the new girl. Give it some time,maybe your feelings will subside when she's no longer the newbie
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (10 February 2012):
 Does the fact that you're married mean anything to you? I've only been on this site for a few days now, and I can not believe how many people are torn because they are married but this new gal or guy at work is sooooo attractive. Boo hoo.
Think about this. There will always be someone prettier than your wife, or there will always be a new person at work that you find attractive. This is just one of them in passing.
And remember, you never know what you have until it's gone.
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A
female
reader, Missy123 +, writes (9 February 2012):
I am in the reverse situation. I am 23 and recently ended things with my fiancé. For the last year I have had an interest and attraction to a regular customer at my workplace whom I see almost everyday and speak with for a good amount of time, sometimes I feel bad for holding him up, however it's pretty clear that he doesn't mind. Anyway his situation is that he is 41 and going through a divorce right now from his wife of 18 years- and just yesterday he causally asked me if I would like to go to dinner with him, without hesistation, I accepted.
Now I don't condone cheating but who am intak to talk, I'm almost... " the other woman" / mistress.
But First, does this lady you are interested in her? Does she know you are married? Does she flirt back when you make hints? If so, ask her casually an nonchalantly, like the gentleman who asked me to dinner did.
Heres the line he used on me (sounds weird suggesting this to someone who is in the reverse situation) he said at the end of our daily talking, "I've been meaning to ask you, and tell me of this is too forward but I was wondering if you would like to go to dinner sometime?"
Now remember I had kind of been waiting/hoping this would happen becuz the elephant in the room needed to addressed. If you feel she has given you enough attention in return, just be casual. And say what comes to mind, I would start off as a friendly outing- because a girl my age is going to concerned about being that "other woman" and only being taken out with expectations of having to give something in return, not talking about laughs and a good time.
Now if sex with her is the main motivator or even on your mind, (If she does accept your invitation out) don't be surprised if she doesn't want to ... At least for nw, if she is attracted to you and finds you fun and flirtatious you will have a pretty good chance of getting that.
Hope I could be of some help- good luck
Maybe you could help me on my questions, since we are on the opposite ends of a similar issue
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A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (9 February 2012):
 Well, if you do not have intentions to hurt your wife later, I'd say....stay away from this woman. Believe me, all affairs start out innocently.
There is a way for you to control yourself and find out what it is if you don't want to put misery to your marriage and destroy it. I have been with this site since 2009, I have read too many affairs that started out just like you're situation now.
Just think about the love you have for your wife and your kids.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2012): I just want to correct something that was said about this. If you cheat on your wife, which is selfish and foolish - so don't do it - you will ruin your own reputation. It won't do a thing to your wife's reputation.
When someone cheats, they expose themselves as a liar and untrustworthy. It is in no way a reflection on their significant other.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (9 February 2012):
You are not a cave man. Your attraction to this other woman IS controllable. So be a grown up and control yourself. If you aren't happy in your marriage then do your wife a favour and divorce, rather than be unfaithful and ruin both hers and yours reputation.
You're not a cave man, so don't be silly. Any attraction you have towards anyone is ignorable. If it truly isn't then you need professional help and need to talk to your doctor about it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 February 2012):
why not ask your wife what to do?
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