A
female
age
,
*aradise
writes:A guy (I'll call him Al) at work and myself are strongly attracted to each other. I am married and when I first starting working there 2 years ago he interested to know if I was married because Al wanted to get together with me. We look at each other, he winks at me every time he sees me and he respected that I am married. A few weeks ago I had to work with a male employee (I'll call him Bob) who casually put his arm on my shoulder, just a friendly gesture. Well, Al all of a sudden got jealous and started going out of his way to pay attention to me. We both drive school buses and he made sure he was parked next to or behind me. He came in early to ride the shuttle van with me, yet we didn't speak to each other (other than Good Morning and a smile), kinda strange although we say more without speaking. I called Al to give him my nextel number to let him know I'm interested, and ever since then he's going out of his way to avoid me. So I am now treating him the same way and avoiding him, like an eye for an eye. I have to work with Bob one day this week, and I'm wondering if Al will get jealous again and cause problems this time or has he made up his mind that we can't be together and it won't bother him at all if he sees me with Bob. Because I'm married I will not break my vows and have an affair with Al so my goal is to not have any problems at work because of this situation. My question is: will avoiding Al solve the problem? If not, any suggestions?
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female
reader, done it  +, writes (10 July 2008):
What do you think your husband would feel, you go to work he trusts you. You have history together, overall get over the sex drive ok your sex drive has kicked in the boredom in your marriage/workplace is leading you to an affair, go home have great sex with your husband and intimacy each night and watch how quick your mind goes off this idea, becareful what you wish for. If your husband finds out don't be surprised if he dumps you and leaves you right up the creek! Another thing is then when this bloke turns out to be just another bloke and you start realising how great your hubby really is, you are going to feel sickened that you threw it away. Sort out your marriage commitments or leave and do as you will but if you have an affair people will get hurt.
A
female
reader, paradise +, writes (12 May 2008):
paradise is verified as being by the original poster of the question This is an update, and thanks to all for advice which has really helped me. I have tried to convince myself that this attraction that Al and I share is all in my head, or a figment of my imagination, but I know it is not. Yet we are both married and have other responsibilities that must take priority; however, I'm open to the possibility that we can continue to enjoy the fantasy of being together and still manage our main responsibilities to our marriages.
There's nothing wrong with an attraction as long as we don't act on it which would certainly cause major problems both at home and at work. If we thought we could be together just once and get it out of our systems, we would probably take advantage of this. But this is probably not what would happen because this attraction has been developing and strengthening for over 2 years, and a one-night shot, I don't believe, would be the end of it all.
So I guess we'll just have to live with the attraction and maybe even have some fun at work with it, as everyone at work is expecting us to eventually have sex because of how we act towards each other, so they'll just have to keep waiting and wondering.
As easy as it may sound to just stop feeling attracted to someone else, it just doesn't happen that way. My hope is that, as I focus more on my marriage, perhaps these feelings for another man will fade in time.
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A
female
reader, bfly36 +, writes (24 April 2008):
 An affair is a symptom of a marriage in trouble, the problem here is that. Find out what is missing in your marriage, if ur are looking for attention in an other man u will find it anywhere not just at work. Save ur marriage, the single life is not fun, believe me if ur husband is a good man talk with him or go to a counselor. It is ok to enjoy the attention of men sometimes but it CAN lead to an affair. That will take ur life i a whole different direction u may not want to to go, trust me. good luck and be strong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): Sorry for asking - but there is no mention on how this might affect your husband!! You are making problems for yourself - stop associating with them - do not allow any touching..... You say that you will not break your vows - you already have! you are being unfaithful by flirting with these men and allowing them to touch you....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): Your already having problems, and I'm sure it will get worse. I sense you might also be egging him on, if so, then stop it. Al is a pinhead anyways doing the wink and getting jealous, your married and he shouldn't be getting attached, unless of course, he is protecting you.
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