A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:I'm new here so hope I don't sound toO crazy. I do love my husband but the things I have found out and the lies ARE about toO much, my first marriage I put up with more than I should have and said I would never let another man hurt me again and I feel I'm starting to let it pull me right back in that dark place, even though he said it would never happen again, but what if I just don't trust him anymore? He says he still loves and wants me, but I feel if he did then this would have not happen! I'm making myself sick over all this, help please Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (9 September 2009):
 My guess is there is adultery involved? You didn't give much information. If you could provide more information it'd be appreciated. It's hard sometimes to write, but also beneficial because it helps you get it out, as if you were verbally releasing what's been happening.
What you wrote points to infidelity. Does he lie other times, that you know of which may or may not include contact with another woman? Have you been to counseling for yourself or as a couple? I would answer now, but I feel doing so would be insufficient without more information.
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (9 September 2009):
 I'm not sure what to say. I am guessing that your current husband has been doing things (don't know what exactly) that have hurt you, and he's lied about them.
I think also that what you're going through is bringing back negative memories from your first marriage, which is creating doubts in you and opening up old wounds that your first husband inflicted on you.
Alright so now I'll try and answer your question by using what you wrote so far.
1. I'm guessing your husband may have cheated on you. I don't know that but its either that or he did something just as bad or worse.
2. He's promised that will never do that to you again.
3. He loves you and wants you.
4. He wants you to forgive him and he wants you to be happy.
5. All the pain from your first marriage is keeping you from trusting your current husband.
Okay, first of all trust is important. You two can't love each other for very long without trust. He needs to do things to build up your trust again, and you need to forgive him. It seems he wants to try and fix your marriage and that's so very important. That means he's willing to earn your trust back. And you need to give him that chance if possible.
You should try and get marriage counseling. Whatever it is he did, he's already ashamed of it and he's telling you that he wishes he had never done it in the first place.
Again, I don't know what it is but apparently its bad enough to make you unhappy and hurt so bad.
I think you need to try and look past the pain and anger, and maybe let your husband try and help you too. I know you may not trust him much right now, but if he truly does love you, he wants you to be happy, not sick or reeling in pain.
Its a good sign I hope.
You shouldn't let the pain from your first marriage get you down. That was someone else who made mistakes that hurt you and that should be buried in the past. I know its hard to do this, but try and focus on finding happiness. If your marriage can be fixed, that's very important.
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A
female
reader, califnan +, writes (9 September 2009):
 Reading between the lines, it sounds as if you have not been married very long, and your husband has cheated on you - is this true? If it is true..He knew of your despair with your first marriage.. Now he has done the same thing in such a short time? I do not even know if this marriage is worth saving ..Please let me know if I am correct about my assumptions .
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (9 September 2009):
You need to get away from the situation so I suggest going to stay with friends for a few days to get your head straight.
Decide if you think the marriage is savable.
Let him know what he needs to do to keep you and then if he doesn't do it then you leave.
Don't sit and make yourself ill over something rather than deal with it.
Good Luck!! xx
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