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male
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*sm2546
writes: Can anyone help me with this...? My wife sits home every night and drinks scotch. I guess I use that for an excuse, but I have fallen in love with a woman who is married and we are madly in love, mentally and physically. I'm lost, confused and miss this woman every day. Sometimes so lost I cant function properly. I really don't know what to do. The affair is taking its toll. She wants me, then wants me to slow it down, then breaks it off, and back together. I'm lost without her, and don't want to live without her. How do I cope while she sees if her marriage is worth saving? She says she's been pretiending for years. Man Am I hurting. And lost.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2005): You are in a situation I was in. Just give her time to sort out her life. I just feel when I was in her shoes, allot goes threw your mind like how to tell him, memories, stability and so on. If she loves you and you love her then there is no need to push. If you were meant to be together then trust me you will be together. What about your side and your wife. Are you going to divorce her? It is a two way street where there are going to be 2 people whom are going to be hurt and maybe she just needs time to sort her side out. be understanding and tell patient. Give her the time she needs but tell her how you feel and that you will support her every dicision. If she decides to stay with her Husband then you can always be friends. it will be Better keeping in touch than losing her completely. That is my advise to you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2005): You know she loves you. Maybe she can't leave right this very second for whatever her own reasons are. While she works those out, you absolutely must work on getting your wife into rehab. Stop avoiding that problem, it will not go away. Your real wife needs you to step up and be there for her. Remember an affair is not the problem - it is a symptom of the problem.
Have you actually talked about leaving your spouses? How long has this been going on? You can't expect her to continue in the affair-cycle without some sort of end, she has to know where you stand. If you love this woman and want to be with her and if she loves you and wants to be with you, then that needs to happen AFTER you are divorced, if that is what you really want. And it should also be said that you need to spend some time alone, as single people, before starting anything again. You will probably also need to go to counseling together - if you both became single and decide to pursue the relationship. Gotta say, it is going to be different actually having a relationship with this woman outside of your respective marriages. No more hiding out, the danger would be gone (and possibly the thrill?) as it would be out in the open. Maybe she is afraid of that as well.
For what it is worth, I am married and also in love with another man. I read your post and had to respond. Just giving you the woman's opinion who is going through the same thing.
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A
male
reader, feelingood +, writes (8 September 2005):
You are in love with the other woman who is married and yet you wont give her time and space to allow her to decide on her own marriage before she goes with you exclusively. This is a big time in her life and she must make the decision, not you. Don't crowd her with your own pressure or she'll back away like she has done already. While she's working on hers keep working on yours and try to address that alcohol problem. It sounds like the root of all your problems. Good luck and all the best to you man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2005): You know, you don't come out of this smelling like a rose, guy. You want this married woman to end her marriage for you but you still married to your wife? Your lover doesn't want to end her marriage and you need to realize that you're being duped and have allowed yourself to fall in love with a woman who has no integrity. A woman who cheats on her husband is a woman that no man can ever fully trust.
I strongly suggest you both either keep your marriage vows, despite the problems (work on them), or you'd both come clean with your spouses, divorce and get hooked up the proper way. I really hope if you both have kids, they are important to you both because if they are, you'd both be a positive role models instead of one of deceit and manipulation. Sadly, as time ticks on, she'll continue to come up with various creative excuses for why she can't leave her husband, and nothing will ever change and keeps putting you on the back burner. Remember, guy, if she'll do it to her husband, she'll do it to you.
I definitaly think, once a cheater, always a cheater. I feel worse for your wife. You need to think about dumping the lover and helping your wife with her problems. Get her into rehab and try to mend & get back what you once had. I honestly believe that married cheating spouses can be so the most charming people because they leave all their nastiness at home with their partners and their 'lovers' will only see their good sides. Try allowing your wife & family to enjoy your wonderful, loving side. Your wasting it on a dead end relatioship that isn't going anywhere. End this affair before you end up broken hearted..because you will...guarunteed. Just my opinion...take it or leave it.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, daniella +, writes (6 September 2005):
what a mess. I think you need to talk to your wife first you cant go on lieing and pretending the longer the worse it will get. Then you need to talk to the women you love and ask her to do the same if she wants to be with you.
Then take it from their good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2005): Yeah you are lost all right. Get a grip and take care of your own marriage before you start interfering in someone elses. If you don't love your wife then get a divorce. Then look around for someone who is single and go on from there. You have no rights or claims on this other women (who sounds like a real piece of work herself).
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