A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:At the moment I'm lying to my whole family.My 14y/o sister is dating an 18y/o who I know well as have been mates for a while.The issue is the rest of my family completely disagrees with it as through past experiences within the family we are quite strict on ages.If you ask memeber of my family the relationship ended 2 months ago. But I know they are still seeing each other and am even protecting them in a way by making excuses for my sister all the time.Is it the right thing to be doing especially as my sister has been climbing out of her bedroom window in the early hours of the morning to go see him which is not very safe. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Joe158 +, writes (22 January 2008):
 Hmm looks like i'm going to give the complete opposite to everyone else's answers, a nice change :P
Firstly, all these answers are from an outside perspective. Your sister may be young, but she may seriously like this guy. And for another point you know the guy quite well, and you are friends...so i highly doubt he'd do anything stupid to hurt her. He may generally like your sister.
So the problem with the family, so what if you tell your family what's been going on?
For one your sister will be furious! This 18yr old guy who's your friend will be quite angry aswell. Your family will be angry at your sister, but may also have a go at you for keeping it a secret.
You may have broken their relationship and it was nothing serious, so end of the day it might not have mattered. However, they may have been quite serious, and you would have done something quite horrible.
Ok my advice to you? DO NOT tell your family. It is for one, not your place to tell them about your sisters private life, put yourself in her position, how would you feel if she did the same to you.
Ignore the age gap! Age gap relationships are becoming more and more common these days, i am in no way saying that their relationship is right, i'm merely stating that children (and i included) are "growing up" and becoming a lot more mature earlier on. Not saying they're not still children, but, well you get what i mean.
So i suggest talk to your sister, ask her about the relationship and see what she says about it. Ask her to be more careful when going to see him, as you have been covering her back, and that you WILL NOT be covering for her anymore. Say you will stand by her whatever she decides to do, but you don't want to get yourself in trouble. I know how she feels, i'm 17 and am dating a 33 yr old. My family don't like me dating older guys, my last relationship was horrible because of it, and they don't know how old he is, so it's been very hard to keep up with the lies. Your sister is probably under a lot of strain at the moment, she's having to lie about someone she really cares about. So just leave it be, if your family ask where she is just say "i dunno", don't make excuses for her.
And even if you DID tell your family, they'd say to your sister to not see him anymore, and of course that would make her want to see him more. Making problems worse.
hope this helps
Joe
A
male
reader, xylplxym  +, writes (21 January 2008):
I don't think you should simply let them be for the reasons the first two answers have stated. The relationship is definitly inappropriate, but the problem is you can't really tell your sister that because she'll get defensive and pissed real fast.
So you should handle this carefully. Talk to her first. Tell her how you feel about the situation in a non-brutal way and try to get her to tell your parents whats going on. If she won't then you got a problem because the only alternatives left are bad and worse. You could tell your parents yourself and expect a lot of hostility from everyone. Or you could do nothing and risk something bad happening to your sister. Personally, I would do the former because it is better that she hate you than for her to be hurt or placed in jepordy. After all, you have a lifetime to resolve hatred but if something were to happen to her now, it can never be taken back.
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A
male
reader, Dr Feelbetter +, writes (21 January 2008):
I just want to first say that i am by no means an expert on this or do i say you should take my advice, I am mearly offering an outside opinion on the matter.
Although it is quite worrying the age gap i think you should, to put it nicely, let them be. Now i realise this is hard as you probably have a bad feeling about the relationship and no doubt think that it will all end in tears, maybe but if you aproached it the other way by telling your family then someone is going to get hurt even worse in my opinion. I do not think you should keep covering for your sister, and i think you should tell her this, dont be nasty with it, just let her know that you wont be lying for her anymore. Also you could warn her of your fears, this may be met with hostility but just assure her that you know what its like and understand. I realise other answers may say the oposite but i see one member of your family being shunned by other family members, most of all yourself as i doubt your sister will be too happy if you were to tell them. I think the ideal solution is for you to convince your sister that telling your family would stop all the 'dangerous' sneaking about as its only a matter of time before she gets caught and that if she tells them in the right way, letting them know that she wont be taken advantage of and is proceeding cautiously , and reasure her that they will understand.
I hope this advice helps you, and even if it doesnt i hope it inspires you to think of a creative way around the problem considering all the tangibles and ending with the best solution as in truth the right answer to this question can only come from yourself, you know the situation and your family, so please try and work out your own personal solution.
Kind Regards,
Dr Feelbetter
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A
female
reader, Dawnie +, writes (20 January 2008):
 Your sister is very young to be seeing an 18 year old. When i was 14 i started going out with a boy of 17 and there was only one thing on his mind, Hence the reason i dumped him. This boy will be ready for a sexual relationship and your sister is underage, so he would be breaking the law. There is also the possibility she could get pregnant, also STD'S. You need to stop covering for her and be honest with your parents, for her sake.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (20 January 2008):
 And what happens when the truth comes out or the proverbial hits the fan? How will you feel if your sister becomes pregnant? You know that there is a massive difference sexually between a 14 year old and an 18 year old, especially in their expectations. If you tell your sister, she probably won't listen at this point after all of the time that you have spent covering up for her. I would try to talk with whoever you think is your more reasonable parent, and alert them to what's going on. Ask them to leave you out of it so that you don't lose your relationship with your sister, mum's the word. It's not safe for your sister to be running around in the middle of the night when no one knows were she is.
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