A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'm with my girlfriend coming up for 10 months now and we really love each other.. the only (big) problem is that she can't get over my past, no matter what...we had been friends for years before but she couldn't be with me because a friend liked me, I tried to get over her during this time and we fell out as friends and I ended up with another girl consequently losing my virginity to her.. My girlfriend cannot get over this now (despite our not being friends during this time and it being a way of me trying to forget her as I couldn't be with her, not that I justify doing something like that) and it's ruining everything for her, we don't know how to help her get over it as it's on her mind all the time, she can't watch certain films or listen to certain music without getting jealous. Can anyone suggest what I or she can do to help?I'd be so thankful
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 January 2008):
 You need to keep those certain films or music from her for the time being . Then you need to try to make her happy to forget those past.In time , those past may not hurt her so much.
When you are in a happy disposition , you look at things differently.
You could also ask her to forgive you because of the past. Forgiveness can be therapeutic.It is the beginning of the healing process.
A
female
reader, earsopen  +, writes (20 January 2008):
 I'm sorry to say there is nothing that can be done. She has to get over the past and if she truely loves you she will. We all come with a past and it can not be earased. Love in the present can not be measured by the past.Why does she get so jealous of the past? Are you still friends with the ex? If so that could be a problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008): I can see that it's very difficult for you to see her like this when you love her so much, but you have to understand that it's her problem, not yours.
You've done things which she's not happy with, yes, but you can't change that now. Right now, even if it WAS your fault that this happened, it's not your fault that she's still upset about it.
This doesn't mean that you shouldn't take responsibility for it of course, as she still considers you at fault. All you can do though is reassure her of how much you love her (constantly, and with big gestures) and never give her any reason to doubt you - that and time will help.
Let her watch the films which make her jealous, and as soon as you see her uncomfortable, hold her and make her know she's the only one in the world for you.
But YOU will never be able to change her feelings; only she can do that. And she should; given enough time and reassurance.
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