A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm lonely. All I do is work, then come home to an empty flat, watch tv, read and go to sleep. Day after day after day. What worries me is that I'm getting used to it. I still miss my family and friends (all of them thousand of miles away) but I don't have the energy to try and make new friends anymore. Neither do I believe in romantic love anymore. Maybe it happens to other people but never to me because I'm too ugly and boring. How can I stop the feeling that I get sometimes that my life has ended already? How can I totally accept my fate and embrace my loneliness? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (19 July 2007):
 I don't want it to sound like I'm insulting you or anything, but: Get a hobby!
Find something you enjoy, there must be something! Go out and do that a couple of times a week. Just because you may not want to be in love, doesn't mean you have to be lonely. If you are atleast in the company of others, that's better than being completely alone everyday.
Doing something you enjoy combined with company who enjoy the same thing as you will should hopefully spark friendship without to much effort.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): Lonely is your name Natalie ?If it's you call me you always have a friend to come home too.Jeff
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female
reader, Butterflyfly +, writes (19 July 2007):
 I htink you need a good pal to 'give you a slap', so to speak :-). Try to 'be' something else, more upbeat even when you;re by yourself, and you;ll see with time you'll get used to that 'better for you' you . Please dont get complacent and stuck in this mind whirpool because the more you stay in it the harder is to get out of it.. Start with small things, get yourself some energy, watch some comedies, do 'naughty; stuff, have a cold shower to give you a giggle, just do something! :-)
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (11 July 2007):
 I think you need to do some volunteer work. Just a few hours a week. You will be out there doing something good for society and you will be thinking about other people instead of dwelling on yourself. Once a week go to a nice restaurant and then a movie or the library. Just alter your routine every other day. Making friends is not that tiring, be friendly and they show up. Don't waste the life the good Lord gave by moping about in you flat, get out and do something.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2007): heyy,, well i know what it feels like to be lonely, even though i'm under 16 [ i'm saying my age for reasons you can probably understand ]. But don't get yourself down about this yeah? I think the problem is that you don't have the energy to make new friends.You need to at least try, i'm not telling you off, but you can't spend your whole life feeling lonely. Don't just accept lonelyness and take it as it comes,, you'll be completely unhappy if you do. you still have a life to live so live it. Go out and about, treat yourself and spend you time doing what you like, whatever makes you feel good about yourself.It'll make you feel a lot better,, trust me i know ;) so good luck and everything,, i'm sure you'll be fine =]hope i've helped xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2007): Sorry Dr. Pete, it seems that sometimes my words can be misunderstood for snobbishness and belittling, but that's the problem with text without facial expressions and voice pitches.
Anyway, what Dr. Pete had said is pretty much what I was saying - mine just being more unrefined and raw. [wink]
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2007): Just my opinion but it's a shame the question asker didn't appreciate martini's first answer, I think it was actually quite helpful.
People stuck in a "feel sorry for me" or "my life is so lonely" need to be surprised or shocked in to change - it's the best way to give momentum; something to drive someone to change their life.
You are a product of your thoughts. If you believe that that your life has already ended, you will sit at home and do nothing about it, you are creating the life in which you expect for yourself.
If you change that thought to "I'm going to show myself that my life hasn't ended" you'll get out there, meet you people, do new things and change your life around. It will happen automatically, if you allow it. Seriously.
Make a note of the negative, unhelpful and critical thoughts that you have each day. Find out how often they are plaguing your mind. Next, write a constructive, positively framed perspective against each one. Now, whenever you find yourself having a negative thought, remind yourself of the positive one. Use this as a process of correcting yourself, it won't take long before your mind automatically corrects you whenever you think a negative thought.
It is so easy to get stuck in a negative frame of mind, one in which will deprive you of living a rewarding life. Luckily though, by being conscious of your thoughts and adjusting your perspective you can easily move yourself out of that negative frame of mind and towards pursuing things that make your life fulfilled.
So stop dwelling - if you're unhappy with your life; change it. You're the only person who can!
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female
reader, chunkymunky +, writes (8 July 2007):
 i think you should try join some sort of group or club for something youre interested in. that way you will meet new people and get out a bit more because i know it can be hard when youve got yourself in that rut but you have to get out as soon as possible if you can. sorry my answer is a little short in comparrison to the others but mail me if you want to chat xxx much love
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 July 2007):
 I understand your situation, and Martini's, happens often in more developed countries. Where I live, in Nicaragua, some people have to live that way; but most of us don't. I know that you need to work long hours and adjust to a hectic schedule, which is simply not the case here. But, I feel that part of the problem is a matter of decision.
I'm not sure if I can give you much insight on this, as I have never even been to Canada or Britain, and I cannot really know what life is like there. I do know, however, that I was living pretty much the same kind of a life, until I decided to break with it. It means, of course, that I'll be poorer; but I will also be happier. If you don't have the time to enjoy something you like to do, well, that doesn't feel like life.
I say, go out of that routine. It will be very difficult, but I'm sure it will be rewarding. Get together with friends. E-mail or phone calls don't count; I mean actual meetings with people.
Hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2007): Let's reflect Ms. 36-40, if you do not mind.
I feel the pretty much the same way you do, but I'm 'only' 28. I have 3 jobs, 2 of them career-related. Every day is pretty much the same. I wake up, drive to work, work, then come back, watch some anime, play some games, check emails, work some more, watch some anime, then go to bed. Then over time, I get more and more secluded. I feel that all the money I make cannot be saved enough for me to do anything like travel as a vacation. In my drunken stupor, I tell myself that I have no life. I would be lying if I denied any suicidal tendencies, and even fast forwarding to year 90 of my existence if I am (un)lucky.
The things that keep me together is that my family needs me, and my company needs me. I also think about my closest friends, and what me being alive means to them. I think about silly things like "What if Jenny gets into trouble and I could be there to help her" or "What if Al goes through some crap at work, I can be there to talk to him about it", or "What if my 9 year old cousin is being bullied at school, I can go and help solve the problems." Etc.
As far as romantic love goes, I too have pretty much kind of lost sight of that. When I look back on my past relationships, I feel I cannot do any of what I used to do. It's not that I am not romantic any more. It's because I simply don't feel like it. The whole chasing after someone, breaking into their heart, and trying to grasp the whole concept of love, lust, and friendship really tires me out. I wish it could be simple, but it just isn't, unless I do an arrange marriage back in Asia.
Anyway before I spew more crap out and giving people the idea that I am venting myself, there is no fate that you must embrace. For myself, I COULD BE IN YOUR SHOES, and I think I'm pretty close to it, but what keeps me alone but not lonely is that I do something about it.
Your ending question is a paradox. First few words: "How can I totally" corresponds to "but I don't have the energy to try". Then "accept my fate" corresponds to "All I do is work", and finally "embrace my loneliness" corresponds to "all of them thousands of miles away".
Do you get it? Let's not give you the benefit of the doubt and I'll say this: You feel lonely, because your family and friends are far far away and you are in no mood to find new friends and actually have a love hate relationship with yourself and your environment. You crave romantic love but you're not enthusiastic. You think you are ugly and boring but you don't do anything about it.
I too have wondered and pondered endlessly what being ugly means. Please, to those who say "beauty is within", just go to your lala land and preach that theory to people who have their heads in the clouds. There is such a wide range of external beauty, that people accept and not, that makes it difficult to pinpoint what absolute beauty is.
I'll take myself for example. I have had people call me ugly and disgusting, but I have also had people call me sexy and handsome. I have had people look at me and give me a bad attitude, but then I have had people look at me and smile back. Personally, I believe I am just dead middle because if I was truly ugly or truly sexy, I would have had everyone say one or the other, and not throughout the spectrum of their own tastes.
Being boring... Well like I said about your paradox question...
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