A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my ex and I broke up seven months ago for the second and final time after a two-year relationship. We broke up because he was a douche who emotionally abused me and I just couldn't take it anymore. But at the same time, we had some really nice boyfriend/girlfriend moments. The type of moments when you think you never ever want to leave that person's side.Well, when we broke up, he went on a fucking spree. I, on the other hand, ended up staying home, having pretty much no life, and constantly thinking about him. For a while there, he seemed to be pretty over me... and then he called a month after we broke up. And on went the vicious cycle of being his Friend-With-Benefits. I knew it was wrong and horrible for my mental and emotional stability, but I couldn't help it. I still loved him and considering the fact that we had a miscarried child a year ago makes us feel pretty connected with each other.Anyways, lately (like the past month and a half), we've been quite tolerant of each other. We quite literally act like boyfriend and girlfriend again. He calls like seven plus times a day and does the same with texting and I answer each one. When we're sad about something, we talk it over with each other. When we've upset each other, we fight like a couple would and then have the make-up sex. We have all the makings of what we used to be (only we're a lot more mature and smart about certain things now), we just don't have the "official" title of being a couple.We still care about each other, yes, but I don't know if we love each other anymore. We also still think each other is hotter than ever and that the sex has only gotten better, and we've talked about the possibility of getting back together if we go to the same college; which, coincidentally, we will be by next Spring.Well, once he starts university in the Fall (about a month from now), I don't know where the hell his mind will be, but I have a feeling it won't be on me. And if it is, he probably won't admit to anything until it's too late. Honestly, I'm scared for my own heart. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore and I'm just scared to death he's going to rip me apart again like he did just seven months ago!I mean, I know he has feelings for me. The first time we broke up, he almost killed himself because he needed me in his life. At the time, of course. And the second time we broke up, seven months ago, was because he was getting extremely close to this other chick as a revenge plot to what I did earlier last year. I never ever cheated on him nor did I lie about anything, I just kept things from him because he was being a total asshole and I couldn't take it anymore, I broke up with him, and started dating a guy who was actually hella nicer than him about a month and a half after we broke up. That relationship didn't last very long at all.I just don't know what to do about any of this. Please help...
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female
reader, jaime90  +, writes (9 July 2009):
 My boyfriend used to emotionally abuse me all the time, we broke up and he was begging for me back saying he would change and do anything for me and honestly he is slipping back to his old ways and im about to break it off for good now. its so hard for a man to change, he has to truly want to, not just be saying it for your benifit.
I know how hard it is to be in your situation, you feel like you cant trust him to treat you well, you need to answer this yourself. you know deep down in your heart if he is ready to change, and if he is then good but if not its time to let him go.
Good luck
A
male
reader, Your friend +, writes (9 July 2009):
 If this is the nature of how you both interact it won't change so imagine living with severe emotional and possible physical abuse for the rest of your life then imagine what it would be like when he treats you like this in front of the kids and what about the kids..when he starts to abuse them too. Would be interesting to know how you got on with the nice guy you met and if that has anything to do with what kind of person you are drawn to..just a thought.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2009): Trust your gut and follow your heart!
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A
female
reader, idontknow416  +, writes (9 July 2009):
It sounds to me like you guys are addicted eachother and have become codepedent on eachother. You don't know what to do without eachother but you can't be together at the same time. Honestly honey I say move on. I went through the same thing with a guy when I was your age for 4 years and it didn't work out. It never works out. You guys may love eachother but I promise that it takes more than love. If you are incompatible you are incompatible there's no way around it. I know you care about him and you always will. He will always be in your heart, but he's not healthy for you and you need to find someone who betters you and doesn't bring you down. Go out there and see what love really has to offer you :)
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A
female
reader, Discover me +, writes (9 July 2009):
i get it me and this guy dated my hole 8th grade year and just ended it. ppl wuld just tel me we wernt in luv and that he wasnt good enough for me. what im trying 2 say is yes u loved each other but now i think ur in love with the idea of love like ur trapped and u dnt want 2 here this but the dick aint good enough for you and start ovr in collage. and do you go to ducan or howevr u spell it in pitt?
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