A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for eight year.I have three kids.For the last two year I have been having Problems with my husband.I simple don't feel like having sex very often.Maybe four to five times a month.My husband is a wonderful man and he means the world to me.It makes me feel bad that I'm not in the mood more.I've had this problem for the last two year.Please help me before my marriage ends.
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male
reader, Illithid +, writes (11 July 2010):
 Four to five times a month? Gah... I should be so lucky! But libido waxes and wanes. It won't always be wild. But talk to him, be open, honest, and don't accuse or blame. Just talk and be willing to compromise. He gets less sex than he wants, maybe you get more sex than you want, but you communicate gently and lovingly.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 July 2010):
 Why do you feel your marriage is gonna end because of this ? Did your husband tell you so, or is it something that you think or imagine ?
A problem is a problem only if we decide it's a problem ( duh ).What I mean is, you've got 3 young kids at home, and you have been married since eight years, there is nothing strange in being in the mood just 4 or 5 times a month, I'd say it's pretty normal, you could do worse :)
So if you feel bad about not being more sexually active because somebody ( friends,magazines...) told you so. hey everybody is different, only you can know what feeels right and comfortable for your body and your mind.
If it's your husband who has a problem with that and has a higher sex drive than yours,- well if he loves you and cares about you, I don't think he'll want to end the marriage about that. I think he will be able to respect the fact that after 3 kids your sexual wants and needs have a bit changed and this is no drama. Of course one caqn always compromise, and you can always try stuff to rekindle the flame- an entire kid-free week end, a candle light dinner, a sensuous massage, trying new positions etc.etc. But without obsessing about it , and not with the spirit of fixing something that is broken- just because you have fun experimenting stuff together.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 July 2010):
You have three kids for starters, so I'd be willing to bet the following things.
1 - You probably bear the brunt of the childcare and chores, meaning you're tired.
2 - You and your husband are not spending enough quality time together that doesn't involve sex, such as meals out together away from the kids and such.
Men and women can become a little predictable in a marriage sometimes, and require a kick in the ass to get them moving. Sit down alone for starters and think about how you feel about your life. Are you happy in your marriage, and is it really fulfilling your needs? Meaning, does your husband show you affection and attention. Does he help you enough around the house? Do you feel loved by him? Do you spend enough time with him? I'm sure that if you look at your life, you're probably just exhausted and maybe just not spending enough time together as a couple. So the answer is work out how you feel, then talk to him about it and tell him you'd like to do more with him.
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