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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have a stupid problem. It's my own personal stupid problem, but it affects my relationship.I'm jealous of my boyfriend's celebrity crushes/porn. They're all these sexy women with gorgeous faces and bodies I'll never have. Like Monica Bellucci. God, is that woman gorgeous... not only her body, but her face too. I'll never compare. We've talked about this, and he knows how I feel about my body. I have seriously wide hips, a small waist, but... no breasts. Also, I'm on the flabbier side. I'm afraid of losing weight and losing the little breasts that I have. It's not like I don't think any male actors are attractive. I like Jake Gyllenhaal. But it's not lust. I never fantasize about him. Like my boyfriend says Monica Bellucci is fantasy and yes she has a perfect body, and of course most guys would be turned on if they could have sex with her. No, that it doesn't mean I'm not attractive or that he doesn't love me, blah blah... That yes, she is hotter than me because she is a movie star, that's her job, just like I probably think Jake Gyllenhaal is hotter than him. Ah, no. I don't think so. Just because he's famous doesn't make him hotter. But he doesn't believe me. He also says that he'll never meet her so why do I worry? Well, the "I'll never meet her" line sounds kind of like if he could meet her then well... like he's settling.And I know I sound stupid? How do I deal? I'll never be as gorgeous or hot, what can I do? I feel stupid.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): You can be the very best you can and want to be. You are real and these women appear on TV or in magazines are not. I used to feel like you and then I turned it around. I became motivated by their beauty and I thought "wow - they are incredible I respect that because it takes effort and commitment - how can I learn from what they do? Which aspects of what they do can I adopt for me?" Agree with your boyfriend as if you are viewing an incredible painting, or a work of art - this will help you diffuse the feeling of envy in yourself. These women are not a physical threat to you and it shows your boyfriend has a healthy opinion of what beauty is. Agree with him - yes they are beautiful and guess what he is with you. It is natural for you to compare yourself but if you can - try try - to use it to motivate yourself.
A
male
reader, Arianz  +, writes (7 December 2008):
 Umm...
I can advice u something
What type girls ur bf like 1st know their style.
don't try to make ur size like them but u can change ur hair style, makeup, wears and others can be like them...
Some guys never speak stight they speak by others example...so if u follow their styles then i hope u will have a great output...
Another thing: If that guy love u then he will always attach with u...its not a big deal how ur and wats ur size...
to come over from jealous u can apply my 1st advice...
wish u all the best
take care
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (7 December 2008):
 Confidence is much sexier than anything else in the world. Unfortunately, we're all going to age and have wrinkles and grey hair someday. Confidence and poise can, and should, last, though.
I think that how we feel about a person can affect our perception of them. I had a professor in college (name? I won't say) and I was scared to death of her. Odd because I'm not afraid of much. She just intimidated me. I imagined her to be six feet tall when I would picture her in my mind. Then one day she complimented my artwork... and I realized for the first time that I was taller than she was... )I'm 5'6" which isn't super tall but not short)
If you are confident and poised people will see you as beautiful. I sense that you lack self- confidence. Maybe you should try karate or some form of martial arts.I had anger, low self-esteem, and abandonment issues. I took up karate and my whole life changed. I would never go back to the way I used to be, I was fat and depressed, and would never go back to that.
I bet that Monica Belluci is poised and carries herself in a way that exudes confidence. If she were to hang her head down and hunch up her shoulders... she would look dreadful. I don't care if her body is perfect, she would look terrible.
What gets me is that he's discussing his fantasies with you. He should be ashamed of himself for not being considerate of your feelings. Tell him that it upsets you when he talks about his celebrity crushes. If he doesn't respect your feelings, tell him to go kiss his poster.
Or, pick a celebrity you think is hot. Get a poster of Gael Garcia Bernal with no shirt... I bet you would fantasize about him. I bet lesbians would fantasize about him for that matter. :) Make sure to talk about it quite frequently around your boyfriend. He'll understand why you feel the way you feel.
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A
female
reader, Felina  +, writes (7 December 2008):
 Hi there!I trully understand what youre feeling...God,why does he tell you those things?Its pretty normal both man and wemen feeling atracted by porn stars,as long as movie stars.Even knowing usualy when they apear on tv and cinema,they have serious makeup and all sort of things to make them look better.However we all think some of them are dreamy and gorgeous.
I think maybe youre boyfriend should not tell you how he is SO atracted to them.Shure,he may tell you he likes watching them,but not the way you said he did.
But I think all men are very visual and just must fantasise with movie stars...Let him do it,its normal.But maybe you should tell him that his comments are making you feel insecure about youre body,and that is realy not good for you,as well as for your realtionship.
So,dont worry,they all have those fantasies.Some women do too.Its normal...What is not normal,is your boyfriend making you feel insecure about your body...What is he thinking??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): I feel the same way with my boyfriend's lust for megan fox and jessica alba, and most recently, the new Bond girl, Olga something. It's funny how he also tells me the same thing, that he'll never meet them so it's silly of me to be jealous. I'm not sure how to deal with this either, but sometimes I would put up pictures of Beckham (especially his armani ads..yum) or whoever I find hot as my desktop wallpaper, cut out magazines and posters of hot guys in front of my bf, and always comment on how hot some guy is on TV or what nice abs he has etc etc in front of him. Retaliation does make me feel slightly better.
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A
female
reader, sparkleworks  +, writes (7 December 2008):
 You'll "never be as gorgeous or hot"? I find that hard to believe, and I bet your boyfriend would agree with me! Monica Bellucci may have a seemingly perfect figure, but there is so much more to being physically attracted to someone than that. A lot of it is to do with pheremones, hormones, that electric shock you feel when you touch someone... no celebrity can give him those things, only you can. Sure, Brad Pitt may have arms TO DIE FOR, but does it really compare to snuggling up to someone I really love and adore? Not by a long shot.
Every girl feels like this sometimes, but you just need to trust that your boyfriend feels the same way about you that you do about him - like you're the most gorgeous girl on the planet.
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