A
female
age
41-50,
*onfused Fairy
writes:Hi, I was hoping to get some advice on a very personal issueFor the last year and a half I have been with my current boyfriend (K). Even though we started as good friends he initiated his interest and I completely fell for him. At the time I was with my ex (who I was with for 6 years...) before I asked him to end our relationship in order to be with K. So you can imagine that nothing else mattered to me..Things were great and have never been more in love. Last year he left for 3 months to work in the sea and despite the distance we stayed together - he came back to be with me he said then, at the time he was telling me all i wanted to hear, even that we would marry and that i am the woman of his life.. I was convinced of everything and i was prepared to do anything to just be with that one person. Even after he came back and until recently we had been getting along great, live together along with 2 friends, and have been close. Back in the start of the summer he started having a lot of problems with money and his career orientation - in that time I have been supportive in all ways. And gradually his behaviour started to change. He was never very affectious (at least never in front of others) but now things are so cold.. he keeps mentioning how nothing apart his career matters and that little things like people dont meen anything to him... but he is still with me and tells me I am behaving strange... when i tell him what the problem is he says he is just honest. Recently he applied for another job overseas (despite leaving last time)and tells thats priority. I am feeling he gives nothing in what we had nor that he really wants to...Now the problem is that i do not know if i should be more patient or if i should leave him... which i do not want to do because i really love him but as it goes on i feel more ignored and more hurt... Lately i have been having hadaches and see nightmares, i feel like i want to go but i cant because i have seen how we were and cant let go. I can use all the advice i can get... Thanks all
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): Thanks for the update.
It sounds as if you are ready to settle down and he wants to concenttate on his career and earning money. Correct?
This can be very difficult, because for you to hang around waiting for him without a commitment about the future?
Again I suggest talk to him, discuss the spesificly the future of your relationship. Ask him how and where does he see your relationship in a year, 2 years what ever?
I think if he is really "into" you, and really cares for you, he will not want to run the risk of losing you and will be discussing and planning the future with you.
If he is just concentrating on his career and money, not keeping you and the relationship in consideration, you will have to make a choice. Think about your life, your happiness and your future.
As Alan Lakein said: " Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it".
A
female
reader, Confused Fairy +, writes (7 December 2008):
Confused Fairy is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for that. Please let me clarify that he is very aware of how i feel; now he gives no particular answer on how he sees the future between us and tells me money is what he is after now. Family has no importance at this stage (few months back he was talking about getting married!!). But then he says he loves me and wants to be with me. It is the contradiction i do not understand. thanks again...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): Talk to him. Tell him how you feel and listen carefully to what he is saying. Men and women think different. If he cares enough for you he will appreciate your honesty and respect your feelings. Don't make assumptions and draw conclusions without discussing this with him.
He might be dealing with some difficulties, but you will need to talk to him. then try to asses the situation and make your choice. It might not be easy but as Judith Knowlton said: " I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it't only a choice of attitude".
Don't dwell on this and allow your health to suffer. Talk to him and make a choice!
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