A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid readerI feel sad, I feel that I'm struggling to form solid friendships. From time to time I meet new people, but my friendships never stick. I have no idea where I'm going wrong but it must be something I'm blindsighted to because it feels like a reapted behavior pattern that has been a consistent part of my life.I've met some of the moms from my daughters nursery last year, and at first everything was fine.Now with this group of people and other individuals, I've noticed that I'm getting little to no response back from others.I must have text between 3-5 people and they haven't got back to me. It keeps happening and I don't know where I'm going wrong!I'm coming to the end of my teather and its almost always me who has to initiate contact with others. If I didn't message them then they would message back!I really want to connect with others, past a service level but it's just not happening. Any idea where I could be going wrong?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2014): You really cant please everybody.Adult friendship is no longer like when we were kids. Where it was just so easy to make friends.My suggestion for you is just try to be friendly and smile. Avoid gossip. Offer help. That would be a good start in starting a friendship.When we offer help normally people cant help but appreciate it.Regardless no matter how small it might be.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2014): You've left out a lot of details. Making friends shouldn't be a "struggle."
Are you married, are the other mothers married? Are they in your age-group? If they're home with their families, they may not be into a lot of texting; and might not mind a call now and then.
Sometimes out of desperation and loneliness, people get too friendly too soon. That makes people uneasy, and they may just need time to warm up to you. Sometimes people just aren't that friendly to newcomers, and may be stand-offish.
Are you new to that area? Try volunteering and doing some community service or charity work. That gets your face familiar and you meet people.
If you've ever been part of a town scandal, sometimes your reputation precedes you. Judgy stuck-up gossipy old-hens get on the phone, and edge-you out of their little neighbor-hood cliques.
If you're an attractive single-mom, and they're married? There's your answer.
I don't want to sound mean, but I think you do have some idea of what you're doing.
At what point do people seem distant? What do you say or do, that suddenly they disappear?
There are many general areas that are consistently a turn- off. Talking too much, being gossipy, too nosy, your nationality or ethnic origin, your religion, your hygiene,
or there is someone who doesn't like you bad-mouthing you behind your back. If you left trouble behind you somewhere, it sometimes catches up to you. It's a small world.
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