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female
,
anonymous
writes: I am 45 yr old newly divorced woman who is working very hard to work through the dysfunction from my marriage. I was married 20 yrs to a mentally ill man and found myself in a co-dependent situation. For this reason I believe myself to be somewhat insecure and trusting. I have met a wonderful, intelligent man and this is rearing it's head. He feels my "neediness" and I want to learn to control it. He is concerned that it is too soon for me to be in a serious relationship because I have not experienced enough "alone" time. How can I work through this while still trying to maintain my new relationship? He is very special and I truly feel this relationship has potential. He has been divorced for several years and it very emotionally stable and secure with himself. Thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Italie  +, writes (5 December 2006):
 Hi there
I've been through/am going through similar myself and could go into screeds and screeds of text with my advice. The single best bit of advice I can give though is to go to www.selfesteem4women.com. Start with the test and go from there. I have found the literature spookily accurate and there are plenty of women on the site who know EXACTLY what you are going through. It does actually help to know you are not the only one going through this and gives advice on how to combat it.
Take care
xx
A
female
reader, marie78 +, writes (5 December 2006):
How do you let a guy talk you out of going to college? Anyone who does this doesn't truly support you or have your best interest in mind. Dumb the loser!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2006): First off, don't get overly involved in his life, don't try to solve his problems, fill his every need, and demand all of his time....try practicing respectful listening and dialogue, make time for yourself by taking some classes again, learn a skill or hobby and achieve a goal in small steps.
Talk to him about how you are feeling and that you want to have some time alone with yourself but would like to remain his friends...Romances that build on a foundation of friendship, trust and respect are the longest lasting, passion comes and goes, but is always needed as well. His passion or desire for you will grow when he realizes that yuo do not need him to live and that you are happy and secure on your own.
It takes time, don't expect a relationship or a new you over night, just retain your dignity and respect.
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