A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im a 21 year old virgin guy and lately ive been trying to figure out what I want in a girlfriend before I know for sure that im ready to have sex. While trying to figured things out for myself ive realized something. I have female friends that joke about there past sexual encounters and what always comes up are the guys who are "small". This is what scares me to have any sexual encounters with women because I really would hate to be made fun of just because my male organ is not big enough. Now I don't know what the measurement system women use because obviously its all about feel, girth, and the Female's association never releases their measurement system (sarcasm). Now I know a lot of guys such as myself want a girlfriend that's a virgin just because we want to feel the sense of security in that they don't have a past but what about wanting to have one so we aren't compared to others. Is it okay to want a woman who doesn't have a past so that they don't compare our sizes to other men?
View related questions:
insecure, my penis, penis size Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 February 2012):
 I am so glad we are making progress in getting you to relax
one caveat... do NOT put a time frame (year long) on anything.... let things just happen naturally... you will know when it feels right... it might feel right after say 6 or 9 months and then you have this arbitrary time line to follow...
how about saying "I'll wait till we are ready" and that leaves lots of leeway.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 February 2012):
 Good plan. One should always wait with sex until it feels comfortable and you know you can trust your partner.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess everyone makes sense in that I shouldn't worry. Ill just make sure ill wait until im in a year long relationship and have trusted my future gf before we get into that part of the relationship
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (21 February 2012):
Probably others have already said this, I didn't read through all of the answers. But you can't walk around being scared of comparison. A woman who wants to compare will compare no matter her level of experience. Likewise, a woman who does not compare will not compare regardless of her level of experience.
This is like saying I want a boyfriend who has never had a girlfriend before, because I am afraid he will compare my boobs to hers and that mine will feel too small...
It's ridiculous. If a woman wants to she can easily google penises, or watch a porn movie, or talk to her girlfriends, and she can compare all she wants even if she's still a virgin. So no, finding a girl with no sexual history will not "save" you from being compared.
Then again, women really do NOT put so much emphasis on penises as you men do. Try to grasp that. Your penis is NOT of that high importance. We don't care. We care about other things than your size.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (21 February 2012):
 Didn't know we could do split seconds, yep it's more quicker than that.. and yes there's also a quick check for any signs of illness, but a lot of that is talked about before, and then your gonna use condoms, but in split seconds you still look for that, and also check out everything else about him, (how fat is he, does he smell good, is he tall or short etc) and you also think about whether you look good or not, is the bed a mess or is the chair a possiblity, what to touch first and where to go next.. blah, blah, blah... all of this done in seconds... penis is in there somewhere, but so is everything else.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 February 2012):
What goes through my mind….. oy… It’s all very split second… I don’t devote a lot of time to it… to be honest a penis is just what’s attached to the man I care about… again if it didn’t work but his mouth and hands do I’m fine….
But as to what I think:
Well if he’s very hairy I think that he needs to groom a bit. And if his hair does not match the head on his head I wonder if he dyes his hair on top…although you can easily have two different shades and also have curly below and straight on top or vice versa
If he’s totally shaven I think he needs to grow some hair totally shaven grown men are gross to me….
If he’s very large I think how lousy giving blow jobs will be because it will hurt my jaw
If he’s curved funny (this would be when erect) I start thinking of what angles I need to use to make sure his blow job is a good one…
Also you check for sores…. And discharge… and piercings… all things that will put me off on giving oral… or letting him near me ….. none of those things are acceptable for me in a partner…
I’ve seen spots (freckles) I’ve seen hair growing up the shaft (please shave that)
I’ve seen skin tags (normal)
All of this happens in a split second to be honest…. You wouldn’t even notice unless you had sores or discharge and then I’d speak up right then and there.
IF you were shaved we would still get it on and the next day over coffee we would talk….
to be honest OP you need to take a chill pill..... and relax you really don't get how women don't put a lot of stock in the penis as a sexual tool... your biggest sexual tool is between your ears.
...............................
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (21 February 2012):
 I blame porn for your obsession with penis size. Women aren't going to sit there and examine you with a tape measure or ruler on first blush meeting. Hopefully the first time she meets your penis eye-to-eye (el oh el) she'll be too busy with her mouth to notice it's length or lack thereof.
STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. You have a penis. So do half of the population of the planet. It's nothing special or spectacular no matter what it looks like. It's just a penis.
Repeat after me.
It's
Just
A
Penis.
There. The end.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (21 February 2012):
 No one has said you can't feel if a guy is deep. But you can feel it in the sense of pressure/movement, not because it actually really feels like being touched on your skin. Past the first few inches you have the g-spot and past that there's not much until you hit the cervix. It's just a full feeling. You can say you don't care what research says all you want, but it seems pretty silly to put what women in say to men in the heat of the moment (i.e. when ego is very important) over the opinions of 15 women and what basic anatomy research says.
The first time I see a guy naked I'm not scrutinizing his penis. The only reason I would even give his penis a thought is if it's too big, to have second thoughts about whether I want to even bother since a giant penis frequently hurts and makes sex take a lot longer and take a lot more work. The majority of women only care about penis size if it's too big, because it hurts. Pretty much the only thing that matters to a lot of women (most even) is whether he's good with his fingers and tongue. I'd say in general most women care about as much about penis size as men do about the length of a woman's vagina. Meaning they don't care so long as it's functional.
I agree 100% with So_Very_Confused. I would much prefer an impotent guy who's good at oral and fingers than, well much of anything.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (21 February 2012):
mmm... ok, start the clock runningone second, colour, (good check for arousal)two second, length (how will this work)three seconds, width (as above)four seconds, any birth marks (markers for kissing)five seconds, is it bent or straight (bent needs more care)six seconds... check the balls (arousal sign)seven seconds.. check the pubic hair (because it's cute)eight seconds.. check his eyes (cause they is nice)nine seconds.. check his smile (cause I can't help meself)ten seconds.. forget everything cause he's kissing againIf I'm looking at a naked penis, I'm horny, I'm haven't got a tape measure and I'm no doctor. Besides there are so many techniques to use (I try to use tantric) that's it's about the rhythm, his ability to pay attention and learn quick, that's really important to me. Guy starts worrying about the size of his penis, we is putting clothes on because we need to be talking about his self-esteem issues. Small doesn't bother me, big does, it's damn easy to get hurt with one of them things, much too difficult and takes to much trouble.Women joke about stuff, just like men, it's all nonsense and talk. When they get in the bedroom it's a whole different ball game and then the joking stops.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSince women have answered this , what goes through women's minds when they first see a new guy they are dating penis?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): look think of it this way from a evolution standpoint only deciding factor was your size of your penis is absurd as this argument is everybody with a subpar penis below 9 inches would be wiped out of existence because women would only go for men with a 9 inch penis. What you tend to find is a man's ego is almost link to how they feel about their penis. I can tell that you are not feeling that great about your self. so maybe get a hobby, work hard in college, do a sport. and just like magic you will find that you won't care that much about the size of your member.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (20 February 2012):
It's not a lie anon man... a woman has muscles and if they are strong she can grip any size and then anything feels big. I don't care what anonymous men say about body parts they don't have. I am a woman and I know what I feel.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): I wish people would stop repeating the lie that women don't feel anything after the first couple of inches.
I'm sure that's true for some women. But at least half the women I have been with can tell how deep something is inside them. I don't care what the researchers say, I've been with numerous women that prove them wrong.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): Don't worry too much about penis size. 6 inches is about average. There's an old saying "It's not the size of the wave that matters it's the motion of the ocean." I can't really add too much to what other people have said as its all good advice. Being a good lover is more about being a giving lover than having a huge cock despite the impression porn might give. My girlfriend told me she was relieved to see I was average size (6in) as anything more is painful for her as it hits the cervix and she claims it is the equivalent of being hit in the balls repeatedly(though how she knows what being hit in the balls is like is mystifying lol!)
As for going for a virgin or not I would say just go for a girl you like. If she has experience she'll know what she likes (more than likely) and all you need do is ask what satisfies her and go for it and hey presto a satisfied woman. If she doesn't have experience you can learn and experiment together. The important point is to go with someone you like as you'll find sex with someone you really care for is far more rewarding than sex with people you don't care about but your only with for fear of rejection. Good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI may be giving myself more credit than i deserve. Its more like 6 in. I measured.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 February 2012):
 You are making fun of us poor Aunts right ?...
All this hand wringing and hair tearing about your penis size... then it comes out you are 7 and 1/2 ? That 's definitely ABOVE average, some ladies would find it too much.
Stop watching porn , I'd bet that's where your fear of comparison comes from.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): Forget your penis, it is what it is.But, your tongue is not to be forgotten...My wife has had more partners than she can remember, of all shapes and sizes.I've had 3, including her.I'm average sized in the penis department...but I'm the only partner with whom she has ever had an orgasm.When I met her, the subject of oral sex came up, she was a bit uncomfortable with the idea, and that despite many partners before me. I was not the first guy to do this for her, but perhaps the others didn't take the time. I told her that I liked doing it and "had a taste for it".She has developed a great and lasting desire for it due to the simple fact that orgasms are just so damn great to have. With me, she found what was lacking in sex.I don't feel insecure at all, not when she's left shaking and gasping afterward.Learn to make love effectively to your partner, and she will never forget you. Be attentive, gentle, loving, pay attention to how she looks, compliment her nicely, tell her how much she means to you, and learn to use your tongue for more than just jabbering and complimenting.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm just so scared of being looked at by a woman and being laughed at. I already iam insecure about my height. Women are sometimes insecure about their breast but to be honest I don't care about breast size because i've had feelings for women who have had small boobs and never thought about it.
...............................
A
male
reader, Masterofpuppets +, writes (20 February 2012):
 Well, first I would like to say that most if not all guys have this same feeling of insecurity about not being able to satisfy their partner because of size so don't feel alone in this. I am A 38 yr old man and have been with probably 10-15 women in my life, it might not be A large number but I have been in relationships of more than A year and haven't been the type that sleeps around. down to the point, "Girls" talk shop and most of them don't have A clue and if they're making remarks about penis size it's because they themselves are inexperienced lovers. Most of my Friends, in fact I would say roughly 95% of my friends growing up were Girls and I have learned one thing, they like to stick together, if one says something they all seem to follow suit. If you do some research about the female anatomy you'll find some interesting information about the Vagina, I suggest you do just that and remember 4 play is key to becoming A good lover not the the act of sex.. Hope this helped.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2012): Even virgin women have a very good understanding of male member size. Remember, girls talk, about everything! We men don't talk about our women's genitals, but apparently, girls see no problem in it!But you shouldn't worry about your size. Let me share a secret with you. Girls like to exaggerate about their feminine powers. It makes them feel more feminine and more attractive. They claim that they prefer a large penis, but if you could read their mind, it would say "I hope he's not big. I'm not comfortable with big ones". Now you know why your friends make fun of small penises. They are trying to impress you with their feminine powers.According to the studies, a penis which is 3-4 inches long is satisfying enough for most women. Plus, your lover won't mind your size. What she WILL be concerned of, is your techniques in using your hands, mouth and penis on her. So try to develop your skills, and be confident in yourself.Just to let you know, A large penis may make the girl's vagina hurt since it hits the cervix. It makes her jaws ache while giving oral, and it definitely gives her a hard time doing anal. A girl with a past knows it and she will appreciate your size.
...............................
A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (19 February 2012):
How big is your penis?If your size is above 3 inches, then YOU ARE LUCKY, since woman only have nerves in the first 3 inches of their vagina.YOU SHOULD NOT date a woman just because they have no past. You should date her because you like her and she accepts you how you are. YOU ARE NOT YOUR PENIS, in the same way WOMEN ARE NOT THEIR BOOBS. Ok?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do understand with what all are saying but its hard for me to believe i wont be compared to another guy because i always am. iam 21 yers old but iam 5'5 and women always say something about my height and it hurts me inside because there is nothing I can do about it. I think of how women treat my height and thats why i worry they will comment about my penis. idk whats big or not but mine is about 7 1/2 and 3 in girth and im okay with it but idk how women will react when they see it and i dont know if i can handle their reactions.
...............................
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (19 February 2012):
I want to repeat what the other ladies said about the importance of the clitoris in female pleasure because you absolutely MUST get over the notion that the size of your penis makes some sort of difference in her pleasure.The clitoris is just a tiny penis, my friend, that we cannot pee or ejaculate out of. It is the only organ of the human body that exists for the sole purpose of pleasure. Not even men are lucky enough to be blessed with something JUST for the purpose of orgasm!Statistics state that 60-80 percent of women need DIRECT clitoral stimulation in order to reach orgasm, and since the clitoris is not located in the vaginal canal, it cannot be stimulated directly and externally (like most women need) in order to reach orgasm.You can go after a virgin, but if you think that your penis size will matter to her less than other women, you're mistaken. Your skill in oral sex, sensitivity to her needs and direct and honest, open sexual communication about your wants and needs (and ability to ask her about hers!) is what will make you a good lover, NOT the size of your penis.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 February 2012):
Listen to me very carefully... I would marry an impotent man with a talented tongue and good hands over a guy with a working penis and no manual and oral skills any day of the week....
and in the case of a penis.. I've had small. I've had average, I've had over average and I've had OMG get that thing away from me. I vote for smaller side of average thank you very much...
the truth is that it's WHO it's attached to that matters more than size or girth... truly.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (19 February 2012):
The reason you don't know about the female assessment system is because there isn't one. I don't know any women who talk honestly about their sexuality who care about penis size since penises do not cause orgasms, even among the small number of women who can orgasm from intercourse it is usually indirect clitoral stimulation that does it.
Usually when women are having those kinds of conversations about penis size, it's not because what they're saying has anything to do with sexual satisfaction, it's because that's what they're expected to talk about. Like when they're mad at a guy, they know that it will make him feel insecure if they make him feel like he has a tiny penis. Men generally care way more about penis size than women do. I've heard way more women complain about too big on here (because it hurts) than be upset because it's too small.
"Now I know a lot of guys such as myself want a girlfriend that's a virgin just because we want to feel the sense of security in that they don't have a past but what about wanting to have one so we aren't compared to others."
That is exactly what you are doing though. You are feeling insecure about something, so you want a girlfriend without a past for a sense of security. Men with retrograde jealousy frequently fear that they are being compared to past lovers.
I know most men think their penis is central to female pleasure, but for the majority of women it's really not. Learn how to be good with your fingers and using your tongue and you will have no problems whatsoever with satisfying a woman. I mean seriously, just look at statistics. Only 25% of women ever orgasm from intercourse whereas around 85% can from oral sex. Women, in general, don't care about penis size nearly as much as men do.
...............................
A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (19 February 2012):
 Real women could care less. There is more to sex than the size of your penis. There is being an attentive lover who worries just as much about your partner's pleasure as you do your own.
Women are more likely to judge a selfish lover than one that lacks in the size department. Women, am I right?
Good Luck!
Jeff
...............................
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (19 February 2012):
 Hey man!
I totally get you on this. Yes, thats fine. In fact, I encourage it because not only are you possibly eliminating your current fear, youre also eliminating past relationship issues the woman may have that are unaddressed. You get a clear mind, fresh body, and fresh memories. Good luck.
...............................
|
