A
female
age
36-40,
*adnat
writes:i am a 23 year old girl who is overweight but i take pride in how i present myself most days. i guess ill say i am attractive for my weight.i have this wonderful boyfriend whome i love very much. we have been dating for over a year and live together. i cant seem to be happy though, i am so insecure that i wait for him to slip up and hurt me or dissapoint me. its horrible of me but i cant help myself. i get so jelouse if a sexy women is on the tv or in a magazine he is reading. its so pathetic i know yet i cant control how i feel. i am pushing him away. he doesnt watch porn because he knows ill freak out and the thought of him goilg to a bacholar party where there coud be strippers freaks me out i cry my heart out.am i crazy??? i dont want to loose him but sometimes feel i should let him go to put us both out of our misery.help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Male20  +, writes (2 December 2009):
insecurities can be difficult to resolve. If it is entirely YOUR insecurties that are causing the problems then obviously this is something you need to resolve.
1) Stop with the negative thoughts
You need to snap out of the negative frame of mind, i imagine all your thoughts tend to be negative at the moment. Well obviously these negative thoughts are expressing themselves to your boyfriend in negative ways through your actions.
Change your thinking, everytime you begin to think about the negative aspects thing "its wrong to think this" "i wont think about this" and replace them with possitive ones. Everytime you look in the mirror concentrate on the possitive aspects such as.. nice teeth, smile, personality etc and think about the good things
I.e. your boyfriend is with you!!!
2) accept that they have their own opinions.
There is no point in thinking about what he is thinking when he sees a girl who you think is stunning.
I am a male and i wont lie to you, he will see some sexy lady and think... wow. As i am sure when you see a good looking guy you will think the same.. that he is good looking. It is acceptable for your partner to find someone attractive, because you are in a relationship doesnt mean that you arent allowed to look at the opposite sex. Both men and women have their own judgment on what people look like even when they are in a relationship.
But he is with you, and he is with you because of who you are.. both looks and personality.
Show yourself to him in a possitive life, think to yourself you will not be insecure, think you WILL be happy with yourself and understand that you are going to be the best you that you can be!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): Hiya it sounds as if you have a lovely boyfriend so dont push him away and lose him over this problem. If he goes, the women will still be there on sceen and in the media! Im 53, some might say, old enough to know better. But the images of perfect women everywhere and the way they are portrayed is damaging to my confidence too. So you arent alone or unreasonable or crazy. Ad men target our insecurities with these images. Dont buy into it and please dont let it make you miserable.
At the end of the day these perfect women are just an air brushed illusion, all froth and bubbles. Youre the one on the sofa with him, scrubbing out his shorts, making dinner, living your life with him...not them. So keep it real and dont worry so much xx
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A
female
reader, Sadnat +, writes (2 December 2009):
Sadnat is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks hun i know you are right
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A
female
reader, Emmy-Lou +, writes (2 December 2009):
 Hi hun
I am in EXACTLY the same boat ... Same age, same body hang ups and everything.
You only need to remember 1 small thing ... Your boyfriend is not with you because of how you look (although that will play a part in it) but he's with because he loves you for you.
You may be insecure because of something that happened in the past maybe with another parnter, or with a parent.
Don't beat yourself up, you will learn to let go, just as I have. Everyone is beautiful in there own way, and you will come to learn this as soon as you give yourself soom room to grow.
Hope this helps x
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