A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I got a problem that prevents me from having a relationship. about a couple years ago my ex was murdered when I made her come down to my house and she was raped and killed on the way over. I loved her. it took some about 2 years but I started dating again, I still think about her to this day. the first girl I dated I didn't tell her about my ex. I don't know why, I just didn't know how to say it. its not like I can just come out and "oh hey by the way my last girlfriend was murdered." I was almost a different person during the relatonship. I didn't want to get close to her and I hardly was around her. she broke it off soon after a month. the next girl was the same thing. this went on for a year. one day I met a different girl. she was into everything I was. we got along great. I noticed one thing I would do, I would double check every lock at her house. stop by her house everyday after work. I was extremely clingy and over paranoid. I didn't notice this till after she broke up with me. what's goin on with me? why do I keep doin this over and over? is there anyway I could get back with this last girl? I thought I loved her but I don't know anymore. please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): You could try getting back with her if it was your overprotectiveness that caused the breakup, or other things related to the trauma you've gone through. You should tell her. Keeping secrets bottled up inside won't help you any. And you will be surprised with how much easier life becomes once you let the secret out.
I walked around for years not telling anyone that my best friend had killed herself. New people I met I never told them, and I cried every day without letting anyone know. Telling my new friends about what I experienced helped me. It could help you too. Your ex-girlfriend story will always be a part of who you are. So when people get to know you, if they want to understand you, they'll need to know. And you will feel relieved, because it will no longer be a dark secret you keep inside. It'll be easier to deal with once you say it out loud. I know this sounds crazy, but I hope you understand: when you let the secret out, you learn how to live with it, instead of trying to cover it up and hide it.
Everyone have a dark secret. Knowing this helped me cope and start to talk about it. Im much better now, near 10 years down the road. Yes things take time, but allow yourself to take the time you need. It'll get better.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 December 2009):
I think that you probably need counselling. Though it would be great to do as the post says below and just mve on, you haven't really moved on from it at all. It wasn't your fault that your girlfriend was murdered at all. Someone else is responsibe for that. But you really need to talk to someone to help you get over this, because until you face it all and get it out into the open, this problem won't go away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): forget about your ex shes dead but its not your fault things like this happen and you dont have the power to stop it.stop worrying to much and dont be overprotective they can they take care of themselves. burry the past and start a new life do this and that girl will gladly take you back.LIVE ON MAN!!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (2 December 2009):
 you may need some extra help to deal with this, grief counselling would be a good place to start. Until you deal with the past will keep getting stuck there and wont be able to move so easily towards the future.
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