A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am 14 and I realize that at this age most of us are throwing around the word "love" like nothing and we're highly immature, but I'm willing to bet everything that I am truthfully in love because: I have never been so happy to see someone's smile as I am to see his. I'm actually not jealous of his wife because I was happy just to talk to him. I've felt like this for 2-3 times longer than I've ever liked anyone else. I've liked him for 14 months. I've managed to go 5 months without seeing him and still felt strongly about him. Also I had a crush on this other person months back and the difference between the two feelings I had was amazingly immense.Whether or not your believe me I'll get on with my question... So I know a ton of people ask this question, but mine's a little different, mostly because of the age difference. He's in his early 50's. Eh. That bothers me because I can't even think in my own mind about him without my own judgment of myself constantly yelling in the background. My friends don't take it seriously, or I don't trust them enough to tell them, so I can't talk to anyone about this thought-consuming issue. Plus he's not my teacher anymore. That kills me. The fact that I'm forgetting everything from last year, that he's becoming foreign to me, kills me. Since the last school year ended, I can barely listen to music without nearly breaking down. I feel awkward and nervous visiting him too often. I don't want to annoy him... He's the really sarcastic type so it's hard not to feel awkward going to visit his class. But I miss him insanely. I'm afraid my emotions are building up. If I emotionally explode and start crying in school, am I gonna say "I miss my old teacher"? What should I say if that happens?I know time will heal everything and I'll get over it but I'm getting stressed with school, high school's next year, and I want to have as little emotional distractions as possible... This IS affecting my motivation sometimes. That's definitely really bad. I need to get over this soon... Seeing as I can't talk to anyone what am I supposed to do?And also one last semi-unrelated thing is I'm so confused as to how he feels about me... Not that I think he loves me but he kind of acted slightly bipolar around me. Sometimes he ignored me, sometimes he got really annoyed with me, sometimes he acted like he does to everyone else, sometimes he jokingly picked on me more than everyone else, and occasionally he was surprisingly nice to me. It was really weird. Anyone have a clue what that could mean?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): Ahhh, I am in a situation like this too. Except he is in his early 40's. I claimed that I loved him, when I hardly knew him.Have you thought that you are suffering from limerence?http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LimerenceMany people suffer from this, but they take it as an extreme crush or call it love. Love and limerence are, in fact, quite different. A lot of people actually have this. Anyway, hope the link helps.
A
female
reader, this_years_love  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 I have to dissagree with everyone saying 'oh you're not in love you're too young' etc etc.When I was 13 I fell HEAD OVER HEALS in love with an instructor at one of my summer camps. He had a girlfriend (who he's now married to and has children with) and was ten years older than me, but that didn't affect my feelings in the least.I had a horrible time at school when I was that age and he was a huge part of why I got through it. I don't really understand the psychology behind it, but i think that because in MY mind there was a chance we'd be together, I made myself get through because I didn't want to miss out on loving him. Well it's hard to believe it's been seven years since then and I am litterally a different person living a different life with a different name in a different country...but I still love him. It doesn't hurt now, but I am SO grateful he was 'there for me' even just to be admired from afar without ever having voiced my feelings that I can't NOT love him. 5 years on it hurt when he had kids because my dreams were a little bit shattered, but I'm at a place now where I know he has what he wants and needs and I'm happy his dreams for his life came true.My dreams involving him didn't come true but because I loved him, I made it through to have other dreams.In essence when I'm trying to say is that you may not love him in a 'i am going to get married and have babies with you' way, but you may very well LOVE him and be IN LOVE with him. I believe there are differen't kinds of love and each reaches us when we're ready for it. At 13 i wasn't ready for lifetime commitment love, but i needed somebody to love and i got that person in the perfect way. he was far away and unnatainable, and as much as that hurt, it hurt less than what it would've had i actually been with him and lost him.Who can honestly define love? Who's to tell ANYONE they don't love another person when there's so much hate in the world? people are skeptical of love and i don't quite know why everyone's so reluctant to believe somebody is capable of loving another person. you love your family at 14, you certainly know what love is and feels like.I always used to think when I was 13/14 that although i was in love with and in my mind meant to be with this man, that at 20 i'd be some big scarey adult and look back and laugh at myself, but i don't. I laugh at myself for lots of other reasons but not for having loved.I have yet to love a man with the same intensity as I loved him.best wishes!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really appreciate all of the answers but I have heard every single thing all of you said (besides the first answer) - multiple times. I do realize all/most of it and I have known it for, 14 months. Even a few things that were mentioned, I had already said in the question... Such as: I know he doesn't like me in that way, and how it could never work, and how I should (or I want to) get over it, and that I WILL get over it eventually. I did mention these things.I suppose it's my fault because I should have clarified what I was asking. Basically I wanted to know what I could do or what you suggest for me to do to be able to talk about it, or have someone else's help. I'm hoping if I could talk to someone about it I would feel better... Yet my friends, as I said, won't take me seriously and it's embarrassing to tell them anyway because they don't understand.
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female
reader, BrokenMirrors  +, writes (17 November 2010):
Sweetie,
I know how you feel because I've felt that way before. It's not love... You're overthonking everything. You think you love him. You're making yourself think of him, and you're definitely making everything remind yourself of him.
The fact that you're losing "memory" of him and its becoming a blur shows you that you'll be able to forget about him.
When you're in love .. Nothing can make you forget about him.
Plus he's married. You def don't want to deal with that. Usually age is nothing but a number BUT in this situation you're a minor he's an old fart and honestly that's not even close to working out.
Distract yourself and you'll be okay. Don't worry it should wear off soon.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (17 November 2010):
Hi there. Well, I don't think that it's love by him at least - there's too huge an age difference.
He's old enough to be your grandfather! In fact, there's probably not a lot of difference in age.
He's a married man, probably still in love with his wife.
It's not love. It might feel like that, but it's commonly called "infatuation".
In time you will pass through this phase and will find a genuine interest in boys your own age. That will be a lot more realistic.
In the meantime, try to get on with your life, go out with your own friends, laugh, have fun and be happy. Life is too short.
This is just a phase you are going through. It will pass in a couple of years. It's pretty common to feel this way in young girls your age. Most of us at some time have had a crush on a teacher. It's just that some girls take it more seriously than others.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): I know how you feel. I don't think that school girl crushes are any different to love there just one the extreme wierd sides of it, and very very unrequited.I had an amazing passionate teacher for geography and I literally fell head over heels for him, I was completely blinded by how much I liked him!! I would try the hardest in all his work and be really excited for every lesson, he was about 45 and of course I couldn't say to anyone that I fancied him. Then for my second year he didn't teach me... I was 17 at this point, and like you are doing I would find reasons to go see him. Even If I just looked at him I felt this kind of relief. It was very strange like I needed a fix of him around me. At this point in time I had never been given much attention by guys my own age but I don't think, even though people on here told me, that that's why I liked him. If I met a guy my own age with that personality i'd still go for them, even now.One thing I can say. Do NOT tell him how you feel, because you can bet anything that that would just end up being really embarrassing. It's hard because it almost drives you crazy!!!! But you will regret it so badly if you tell him
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