A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with a married women who happens to be my best friend. we have had a kiss and have had some touching but then we plan things and then when her and her husband have an argument she tells him. he is too forgiving but last time when we had planned to spend a few hours in hotel to take it to the next level she told him and he stopped her talking to me. we are now talking again and we plan to meet up for day soon, but I mentioned that there was a girl I liked and she started saying about us kissing and touching again and she wants it. yes I want it as well but I am so confussed as what she really wants. she says that she loves her husband and then she tells me the same thing, I don't want to lose her as my best friend but what can I do about these feelings? please help me
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (16 June 2014):
I posted this to someone else, and same thing applies to you. What if it was your wife?
"The lips of another man's wife may be as sweet as honey and her kisses as smooth as olive oil, but when it is all over, she leaves you nothing but bitterness and pain."
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (16 June 2014):
 You and she are not best friends. You wouldn't truly do that to a best friend. You are her guy on the side. I'd say that you were her dirty little secret, but she takes the cruelty a step further and tells her husband that you two were kissing and feeling each other up like a couple of junior high kids.
So the guy is betrayed....devastated...and ultimately gives her another chance. You spit on his love by calling him "too forgiving" and plan to have sex.
This time she tells him before you do it, and he forbids her from talking to you...something he should have done from the beginning. So what does she do?? She keeps talking and planning, and so do you.
And then you talk about someone ELSE you like?? Is this girl NOT her, or did you say that to make her jealous enough to get back on your plan to have this married woman put out for you? None of this is at all how to ever treat a "best friend".
This isn't "feelings" you have. You are pursuing her because she is a conquest to get your rocks off. True friendship isn't trying to tear her away from her husband. True friendship isn't talking about other girls in an attempt to get her to perform for you out of fear of losing you.
And truthfully, what you're feeling isn't friendship, because if it were, you'd be watching how she's treating her husband...a guy she has promised to love faithfully, yet she is making his life hell on earth. You can't TELL me that you actually want a relationship with her, because you don't respect her, and when you get what you want, your feelings will turn to disdain, and you'll discard her like an empty beer can when you've had your fill.
But when you speak of what you're doing to her in terms of best friendship and love, you profane both of those terms. If you have any honor in you, you'll leave her alone to deal with her husband and make her decision.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2014): Stop! This must stop as yous are betraying her husband and kids.
Tutt tutt on you.
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A
female
reader, mamarosa +, writes (15 June 2014):
I'm sorry but in my book, married means "off limits".
I don't care how unhappy, etc. a person is in a marriage. It's not when they mentally 'check out' on their spouse, or no longer are 'in love' it is when they have a divorce decree in hand is when they are available.
You risk losing your best friend here. Stand back, honor that man's position as husband. If it all falls apart and they become divorced, then she is available. But it should not be on account of you, as in her having a better offer to consider.
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A
female
reader, SeaGreen +, writes (15 June 2014):
 I get that you don't want to lose her as a best friend but this is crazy. The both of you lack morals. I feel bad for her poor husband.
Slow down and think...What are you doing???
She's married and is using both you and her husband for her own selfish needs. Now, don't get me wrong...you are just as much to blame as her.
I think you would be much better off cancelling the affair you are having with her. Concentrate on your own life and find someone who you can marry yourself. Because I really hope you realize that you are getting nowhere with her.
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