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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Am I normal getting upset my boyfreind went to a strip club? My boyfriend is best boyfriend in world however i dislike his friend's attitude to women. his friend always goes to strip clubs and wants to go out drinking and spends a fortune. I however prefer a quiet night in with my boyfriend and don get me wrong I like a drink but Id prefer to spend money on holidays etc day trips, meals etc and my boyfirend always says same until his friend is involved. My boyfriend told me he went to strip club with his friend and had no dances, I got really upset and he promised not to go again. However we were out and his friend came and met us with his firend and the girl there wasnt particularly nice and got annoyed I didnt want anymore alcohol (I cant drink as much as them and felt id had enough) and got annoyed I wanted to go home at 4am and said I was boring. also the other of my boyfriends friends and the girl wanted to go to the strip club and i got upset and they were all saying to him oh your not allowed and giving me dirty looks and i felt in the way and unwanted and weird but i hate strip clus and the girl was saying im insecure and jealous of my boyfriend being with other women and he shouldnt stand for it. Shes slept with 2 of the guys in socilal circle and Im just not that type of girl. My boyfirend talks of us getting house etc and i want that more than anything in world but its so different with these peeople he wants to go partying and then he moans how much money he spends and I feel guilty for being so boring. I hate the thought of beautiful naked girls walking round and offering him dances and chatting to him and touching him etc, and i feel out of the circle and like im a nusiance to his friends and they all dont work etc whereas i do and i also do alot of competitve sport which i take seriously and im always training and would like to save money for house for me and my boyfirend and doing stuff in day and they dont even go to go clubbing, they just do lots of shots ad get as drunk as possible and I really dont like it. the girl kept hugging my boyfirnd telling him how boring i was and that upset me too.Now when im at work Ill be worrying when hes with that social circle like is he in strip club, theyll all be saying its so much better without me and now Ill hate him going out whereas I didnt really care before but now Ill feel like crying and I dont trust his firends at all now ive met them all.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 June 2014):
 Let me start by saying I understand how you feel, and I have some ideas about this situation that I don't think you've considered. I don't think the problem here is the strip club at all. Let me tell you why. I had a boyfriend once who occasionally went to strip clubs. Maybe once or twice a year, just to be clear on what I mean by "occasionally". I once went with him, because I was curious about it, and Im open minded. It wasn't a problem at all, I enjoyed it, although feel no need to do it again as it's not all that (really, you can see the same watching Baywatch). So for me stripclubs = no problemoBut then I once had a boyfriend who didn't enjoy spending time with me much unless we were both just at home and his buddies hadn't asked him to do anything with them. He never went out with me, wasn't up for much, preferred to spend his time with buddies (and computer games) instead of with me. Once we went to a wedding together, it was out of town so we spent a week there. He met a woman there who he got friendly with, and they were hanging out without me. A lot. Even at the wedding, as soon as dinner was over, I couldn't find him because he was off with her somewhere. I wasn't jealous, I wasn't even angry. I was bored, naturally, but I was young and gullible. But, when we got home my then bf kept communicating with this girl online, and after a while he "confessed" to me what they had been talking about: me. And supposedly how insecure I was, how jealous I was, how I wouldn't let him off the leash, how he was like a dog in the relationship. Was it true? Absolutely not. Is it true that you are boring, and keep your boyfriend in a leash, and insecure etc etc? Absolutely not. What you are doing is having a normal reaction to an uncomfortable situation, and it is NONE of his "friends" business. Was this girl a friend of my then boyfriend? Not at all. She was a bitch who wanted to have him to herself, telling him lies about me, trying to get him away from me. She was successful, because he was an idiot to fall for it. I dumped him the very day he "confessed" all of these things, and didn't take him back even when he begged me. I don't think strip clubs are a problem in your case, same as strip clubs are not a problem for me either. It's not the strip club that is the problem, it is his ATTITUDE towards his "friends" that is the problem. The problem is he listens to idiots, and he lets them control him. He's a pushover, who chooses them over you. Now THAT is your problem. Or at least, that is your concern, and if I were you I'd be concerned as well. I was young and gullible with my ex and that girl he met. It didn't pay off. Now what you need to to are two things:- You need to think about whether or not this is the right man for you. Seriously. Is this the type of man/relationship you want? Love alone is NOT enough, it is never enough. He needs to be compatible with you, and he needs to be your team-mate. Where was he when the "friend" bitched to you about how boring you supposedly are? What did he say when the "friend" told him how you don't allow him to do things? Did he stand up for you? Did he tell her to shut the f up? No? Did he agree? Did he just not say anything? Not saying anything is silently agreeing. Just so you know. Think about this carefully, is this type of man/relationship what is good for you?- You need to talk to him about this relationship he has with his so called friends. He can't choose to follow them around like a dog. What is happening here is that this girl, and his other friends, were probably used to bossing him around and making him do what they want. Now that you entered the picture the girl sees you as competition. She's already slept around with some of the "friends", and you got to know, she will sleep with your boyfriend too if he lets her. Girls like her are that way, they sleep their way though their "friends" as a way of keeping them interested in her. Maybe she was abused sexually as a child and believe sex is what it takes to keep friends. Probably she's got issues. But either way, your boyfriend needs to grow a pair and put her in her place. If he's not sticking up for you, then is he really your boyfriend? Who is he exactly? Some guy you're just sleeping with, since he doesn't think you deserve the respect of his friends? So to sum it up, you need to first decide if this is a man worth fighting for, and then you need to talk to him about what it means to be in a relationship. It means that he needs to choose your side. You are a team. If his friends disapprove of you then he needs to put them in their place, because after all HE chose to be with you. You didn't force him. So he needs to stand up for his decision to be with you, and tell his friends to show you, and show him, respect. His friends are indirectly insulting him by insulting you. Maybe that is their way of putting him down and keeping control of him (females who sleep their way through a group of male friends tend to want control). But regardless of their toxic friendship, you and your boyfriend need to set down some boundaries that you both agree to, and then he needs to stand up for himself in front of his friends. It was his choice to be in a relationship with you. It was also his choice to not go to a strip club again, he agreed to this because he chooses to be with you. So now, he needs to stand up for that decision. And if he can't... well, dear poster, if he can't stand up for himself, or stand up for you, then he's not worth your time and love.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2014): If your boyfriend paid a female friend to strip for him, then that's cheating. While slightly different when paying a stripper to get naked, as it is her profession, it's still a form of cheating whether there's sex involved or not - at least in MY opinion. Imagine a married man visiting strip clubs. Most people would immediately call that some form of cheating - if not complete disrespect to his wife. Here, it's no different.This isn't about "you should visit male strip clubs" to be equal nor is it about being "boring". There aren't many male strip clubs to begin with, but this is about values. Don't feel insecure about other beautiful women. There will always be beautiful women that men drool over. Just feel comfortable in your own skin, take care of your body for YOURSELF. Your boyfriend said he didn't pay for any favors. It appears he was going along with his friends. But, if he is that great of a guy, why does he associate with men who spend their time at strip clubs, drinking heavily, spend lots of money, and not working? Why would that type of lifestyle appeal to him? The fact that this girl was clinging to him and badmouthing you might be an indicator that your boyfriend doesn't care about as much as you think - otherwise, he would have stood up for you. Explain to your boyfriend how his behavior is making you uncomfortable, demeaning to you, and disrespectful. Try not to see it from the angle that it makes you feel you're being compared to other women. Those women are hired to strip because they are sexually appealing. Your boyfriend doesn't have a duty to raise your self-esteem, but he should respect you. If he cannot compromise after listening to you, then this relationship will have to end, I'm afraid.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2014): If i were you i would tell my boyfriend how his friends make me feel and than if he didn't do anything about it i would leave him. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 June 2014):
 Talk to your BF, HE is the one you are dating. Tell him why you don't like strip clubs and how his friends reaction to it made you feel. He ought to stand up for you even if he doesn't agree with you. Letting this chick call you boring shouldn't be OK.
YOU are perfectly allowed to NOT like Strip Clubs. And it's PERFECTLY fine if you don't want to go to one.
Personally, I find Strip Clubs ridiculous. In this day and age this kind of degradation shouldn't be regarded as "fun". Doesn't matter if it's male stripper or female. I would however NOT have a problem with my husband going to one with friends (I'd stay home or do something else, thank you) BUT I would resent if he spend money there. Getting a drink or two I can see but PAYING a woman to take her clothes off? Just no. I TRUST my husband and I'm pretty sure pretty, naked strippers could parade around him and he would look (he is after all human) but I trust he would "buy services" from any of them.
When I was in my 20's most of my "extra" money was saved up for travelling and partying. I have no regrets :)
BUT if you are not really the partying person that really doesn't make you boring. Not drinking doesn't make you boring.
Don't worry about that female friend, my guess is, she is a tad jealous.
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A
female
reader, SeaGreen  +, writes (15 June 2014):
 You remind me of me actually. :) I don't enjoy clubbing and one drink is my limit. My husband's friends use to say I was boring and would pressure me to drink more. I stood my ground though and they eventually stopped. Don't let them drag you down or pressure you. Keep your head up. As for the strips clubs I have zero tolerance for them. If you agree with that then you need to let your boyfriend know. Don't be afraid to stand up for what you believe in. For the girl that is speaking so rudely in front of you and getting touchy with your boyfriend tell her to back off. Don't take her crap. You sound like a lovely person and how dare she treat you like this! You also need to explain all of this to your boyfriend and if he doesn't help fix things then you should get rid of him. You deserve better then this! The way he let things carry on like this is quite appalling really.
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