A
female
age
30-35,
Devil's Angel
writes:Hi, if anyone writes back thank you, i would be grateful for your help. I have known this guy "Ian" for four years, we used to work together and have been best mmates all this time, I really cherish him as a friend and I love spending time with him becaus e he always makes me laugh and we always have something intersting to tlk about. The problem is, I know he's really into me, he says he loves me, but Ive been in a relationship with "Rupert" for 14 months, he's been in a relationship with a woman for about 3 years on and off, and I basically don't know what to do.I've told "Ian" I would never cheat on "Rupert" but I worry that I won't be able to resist, Ive wanted to just feel "Ian" for so long that I know the next time I see him, if he tries to kiss me again, I don't think I'll be able to resist him this time.But then I know I'm hurting "Rupert", I'm hurting "ian's" partner and I'm degrading myself by being "Ian's" bit on the side. I also worry if I do decide to get with "Ian", what if it doesn't work out, we will end up ruining four years friendship, and maybe it won't be so brilliant becuase the chase is over.I currently live with "Rupert", he is an amzing guy and I know he loves me, he treats me like Im the most special person in the world, but I know in my heart I dont feel the same way about him. However, I want us to try, Ive been with him for 14 months and I dont wantthat to be a waste but I also dont want to hurt him, he's in my heart eve if im not in love with him.I cant see a future with "Rupert", nor with "Ian". All I see is a bit of fun with "Ian" and a life time of security with "Rupert" but I will have...settled I guess.So do I have this fun with "Ian" that I want so much and end up hurting everyone, or do I stick it out with my boyfriend who is the perfect gentleman. Or do I do neither, I'm only 17, should I choose??? Reply to this Article
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female
reader, Devil's Angel +, writes (15 June 2009):
Devil's Angel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am 17, Rupert is 19 and Ian is 32. And it's the other way round, Rupert if financially dependent on me. He has been for 10 months now. I have two jobs, I pay rent on our apartment, all the bills, food etc. He hasnt had a job for so long and although most of the time he tries to find one he doesnt. I also want to make it clear that I won't get an STI, I have only ever been with Rupert, he was my first and I was his first too so we cannot contract STI's but just typing this Im thinking, I probably never will do anythng like that with Ian, especially unprotected. My head is just messed up, the reson why Im probably thinking of straying is because im fed up of being like Ruperts mother. Its hard and Im looking for fun elsewhere, which i shouldnt because it goes against everything ive always believed in, faithfulness and morals.
A
male
reader, Avg Man  +, writes (15 June 2009):
I understand the lure of wanting to "have fun" with someone you care about. But since you are so young (and not married) you need to be very careful about making your bed available to so many older men. The fact that you are 17 and not living with your parents troubles me. It sounds like you are dependent financially and emotionally on Rupert. How old is he? How old is Ian? Being intimate with one or more men out of wedlock is like sailing on dangerous seas. Your ship will hit the rocks very soon. You will likely get pregnant or get an STD. Since you are married to neither man, they are free to sleep with other women or girls and probably won't tell you about it. Get your education completed and find the best job with the best benefits you can. You should reconcile with your parents or grandparents and use them as safety net until you can get your feet on the ground financially. AM
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A
female
reader, Devil's Angel +, writes (13 June 2009):
Devil's Angel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry, I didn't make it very clear.
"Rupert" is my boyfriend, we have been together for 14 months, he's only with me, he loves me and treats me like im a princess, i love him but im not in love with him.
"Ian" is my best buddy of four years, he has a partner but wants to be with me, i think all we'll ever have is a bit of fun but i'm finding it harder and harder to say no even though ill hurt "Rupert"
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A
male
reader, Dhumph +, writes (8 June 2009):
So you have one partner who is unavailable because of a prior commitment and one that you're doing because you have a physical need but no emotional attachment or commitment.
You're not going to like this, but it is the only way out. Drop them both, take some time off. Read a book by Barbara DeAngelis that's called something like "How do I know that you're the one for me?"
What you are looking for is passion, intimacy and commitment, all three. You won't find it as long as you're settling for a warm body that is connected to an erection.
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A
female
reader, gRaa +, writes (7 June 2009):
 Just let your heart decide who you want to be with. If you like this "Rupert" you should be with him, and if he really likes you back, he would leave this "other woman" for you. If you think "Rupert" is in this for fun, then dont bother with him, be with Ian.
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