A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:this sounds really pathetic but about 2months i found out the guy who was my boyfriend was actually cheating on his long term girlfriend with me and since then i have lost a lot of confidence.i contastly bodycheck all my fat (im 5'7'' and 140lbs- so am obviously chunky) and im always scared to go out with my friends because alcohol is only going to make me fatter. but my main problem is that i am now ridiculously scared off other guys and how there all just going to use/hurt me. this probable wasnt the best idea but a few weeks ago i got with this guy at a party who looked like my boyfriend and turned out to be very similar. it didnt end that well that night as he tried to get be to give him oral. this made everything so much worse so overall i want to know what to do you get over all of this as i didnt previously worry about boys or hate myself this much. eurghh its really messed me up
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female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (29 December 2013):
 I'm sorry to hear that he turned out to be a liar and a cheat, but I don't think you should let the fact that you found one scumbag hurt your confidence like it has. For every idiot like him there are a dozen good guys who would never dream of hurting another person like he did to both you and his long-term GF. Truly, if anyone's made ugly by this situation it's your ex.
I hate to break it to you, but 5'7" and 140 pounds isn't "fat." I'm 5'7" and 145 (and I have NO breasts whatsoever, so there's more mass spread around everywhere else) and I don't look chunky, even to myself. I can do pull-ups at this weight; heck, I've run marathons at this weight. No one's ever going to look at me and assume I must eat salad for every meal, but I'm perfectly fine with that. I think Jennifer Lawrence summed it up perfectly when she said she refused to "be hungry all day to make someone else happy." I'm healthy, my body type and shape doesn't hold me back from anything I want to do with my life, and I don't lack for male attention. If, and I mean this in the most respectful way possible, you're looking in the mirror at the size you are and hating what you see, the problem is your self-esteem, not your waistline.
You don't need to be scared of anyone. You are beautiful exactly as you are. Love yourself and it will shine around you like a halo. Self-confidence is, in my opinion, the most gorgeous accessory a woman can have.
Please don't feel that you need to go out and hook up with guys you don't know well or don't like to gain acceptance or to feel better about yourself - not only does that not address the real problem, it's not a fix for anything. You won't change what's in the mirror but you may change your reputation in ways you don't want. You're hurting and I understand that - it's a painful experience to go through. But the best thing for you to do right now is allow yourself to heal before rushing into a physical or emotional relationship with someone else.
Take some time and enjoy being single - go out with your girlfriends, do things you enjoy, flirt casually, but don't try to get serious with anyone just yet. When you are no longer reeling from the bad experience you had with this guy, you'll be much better able to have a healthy and loving relationship with someone else.
Good luck and best wishes :)
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 December 2013):
 Why would you let some jerk-ass, DOG of a "boyfriend" have so much impact on your life.... subsequent to your learning that he is a dip-shit creep who isn't worthy of your time and attention????......
Good luck.....
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