A
female
age
51-59,
*ara b
writes:i have been married for over 20 years and my husband has been abusive through out thoes years i have suffered mental, verbal, physical and sexual abuse. i now sleep in the attic on a camp bed bacause that is the only way i can get away from him. as i do not want to be near him. i have no family or friends and i do not work i am a stay at home mom so i rely on him for money. a day can't go by when he doesn't abuse me verbaly or mentally. i even got him to go see a counsellor who said there was nothing wrong with him. i do not like the person he is, his farther is much the same, and i see a lot of his farther in him. my husband has a way of turning any situation around and blaming me. i often say if the world blew up he would blame me. one minute he is nice then he can change to someone nasty. he complains about everything and does nothing in the home. when i do house work he expects me to do everything for him. even when i try to do something nice he throws itback in my face by being ungratefull. he is never pleased with any thing i do. i wish i could leave but ihave no money or any way to support my self. i try not to argue with him because i have 2 older children and 1 2 year old. my older children say what are you two arguing about this time, when i say it is not me it is him, he says nothing. my husband has this friend who is gay i have nothing against gays but my husband insists on seeing him on the same day the same time no matter what he comes first. i use to go to the gym but my husband refused to look after the little one using the excuse his time is more important.the only thing i am alowed to do on my own is shopping.i need help what sould i do?i am at the end of my tether. he wants me to move back in he bedroom and out of the attic and carry on as normal. i cannot do this as this is not what i want, but he is getting on at me more and more i haven't gone a day without crying.help!!
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female
reader, tara b +, writes (7 March 2011):
tara b is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthaks for all your help i will find a counsellor close by and i will go see one.
i am too scared to get a job and meet people this is because of what happened in my last job where i got bullied and because of the stess my husband put me under.
i am thinking of starting my own market stall and working for my self. it is as good as any place to start.
i also think my husband is gay and so does my two elder children, even though he does not admit it.
we are not intimate at all now.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): You need to get out of there asap. Go and stay with friends or family or in a shelter and when you can apply for a grant or a loan to go to school if you don't have already have a degree. Either that or look for the best job possible with what skills you have now. If you have proof of the abuse you may be able to press charges against him at some point. As I'm sure you're well aware, this situation is so unhealthy in so many ways for both you and your children. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (7 March 2011):
 What a terrible situation you find yourself in, I'm so sorry to hear about it. The only help I can offer is a link that should lead you to practical help. http://www.womensaid.org.uk/
I would recommend using the freephone number they have:
"Contact the freephone 24 hour National Domestic Violence Helpline"
"run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge"
"CALL: 0808 2000 247"
At the very least, you can talk to someone about your situation, at the very best, they can help you with figuring out your best solution to this.
Best wishes to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): Somehow you have to leave this man. You need to do a bit of research. Online you will find Women's refuge details. Contact them and she if there is a chance you can get temporary accommodation for yourself and your younger child. They will also be able to advise on any benefits you can claim to tide you over. It is the only way I can see for you to get away unless you have a family member of friend to help. You are living half a life and a miserable one at that. Get some research done and then you can make a move. There is no future for you and you are in some danger.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): You probably already know your husband is likely gay, and his frustrations and inability to be honest wit the world causes him to be an angry, abusive, jerk. He's not angry at you, but instead himself. The faster you leave, the more chances you'll learn skills to get a job, support yourself (you can do it!), and maybe meet someone else. Life is too short.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (7 March 2011):
 hi
leave him. there is always a way. find a women's refuge, they will not turn you away.
look in 'articles' here on dear cupid and read 'the honeymoon stage in an abusive relationship' by Abella. i know are far beyond the honeymoon stage but i think you will find useful practical information in this article nevertheless. his behaviour sounds pathological and if his father was the same as you have mentioned, then there could be a genetic factor to his problems and if that is the case he is NEVER gonna change because this is the way he is wired and you would have more chance of him changing, say, his eye colour than his nasty personality/character defect. even a counsellor or therapy cannot affect or help a person like this.
don't ever let him make you think you have done anything wrong. could be a man like him will never be happy with ANY woman, nothing will ever be good enough
xx
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