A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been planning on moving in for a couple of months. Last month two of his friends asked him to stay with him for a while until he was. They're a couple. He allowed them to move in but did not tell me. He said it was a short term deal. I have been away and the plan is to move in. So here I am back and tells me that he's ready to move in together. But, that his friends need more time and that it would actually be helpful because he is going through some financial hardships. I am not working and most likely won't be for a while. He has patiently waited for me and I know he loves me. He's been working his butt off to welcome me home and I feel that if I don't move in with him I'm acting like a jerk because let's be honest when we agreed on moving in he was in a better place than he is now. He did not forsee this on him, but neither did I don't like the idea of moving with him when there's other people there, but at the same time... We have both been waiting for so long that it's time to make a decision. My struggle is the following: am I risking our relationship by not being understanding of the situation. Or am I risking it by knowing I don't feel comfortable and I'm still going to do it anyways... I love him and don't want a ldr anymore. But I also don't want to live with people... What should I do??? I feel like by saying no I'm turning my back on us... By saying yes I'm making a bigger effort than I anticipated... Help!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 July 2011):
 Going to live with 3 people, two of which you don't even know ?
You wanted to move in with your boyfriend, not join a commune ! You are surely not old , but I think you are way over the phase when " the more the merrier ".
Your boyfriend is surely a generous man, but also a bit clueless to think this solution could have your approval.
Let him help his friends for a while longer, a few more weeks or months should not make any difference if your relationship is solid, - and only go join him when they have decamped .
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (27 July 2011):
 All you need to do is explain to your boyfriend everything you have said here.
Tell him you want to live with him, you dont want the LDR anymore and you are ready to live with him. However you are simply not comfortable sharing a house with other people and dont want to move in until they have moved out.
If you tell him exactly the same things as you have said here (especially the last sentence or 2) then he will understand I'm sure. See what he thinks of it all and take it from there.
My personal view is that you shouldnt move in while the couple is living there and until you have a job. It is not fair on your boyfriend to have to support you financially just because you live with him, so get that sorted before you think about moving in together. And 2 couples living together will be less than ideal, definitely wait until they have moved out otherwise it will ruin your whole experience of living with your boyfriend for the first time.
Living together is supposed to be fun and exciting, romantic and it should make you feel like a proper couple sharing a life together - not 2 of 4 people sharing a house and getting annoyed over other people's bad habits!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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