A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Its been a solid 6 months since the last time I wrote here, and unfortunately, I still have the same problem. and yes, I see it as a problem. I am still not over my first love.I admit that its not as bad as it used to be anymore, yes. I find myself being able to smile and laugh more easily. But there are somethings that still gets to me. Those songs, those places we used to go together. Any mention of anything that has anything to do with her, then I'd go straight back into that depressive state.All my friends encourage me to try and move on and give it a try with other girls, but I just cant seem to get myself to do it. I keep comparing them to her, then Id feel guilty doing that, and get even MORE depressed.I just feel like theres this hole in me, and doing things like focusing on work, doing sports, hanging out with friends and chasing girls are just some ways to cover up that hole. I imagine how things like food, alcohol and drugs would probably have the same effect (tho i dont do them).I dont even know if this hole is real or not. Is it just an illusion? Does it hurt only because my mind makes it that way? I dont get it!? Please help, Im really scared of turning into the guy who, after years have passed, never really moved on.
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female
reader, kissmekate  +, writes (20 April 2009):
i still have not been able to forget my ex, and it is almost 4 yrs now....i think about him every single day...but u know what, i wish i had started dating someone after a year because now i have wasted 4 yrs of my life thinking about a man who doesnt give a shit about my feelings....its no use loving someone who dont care about our feelings / love, because if they did they wud come back..please do not reach where i have...do not waste time...give yourself few more months and then go out with someone and give it ur honest try....coz only new love can replace and old one...i am now 37 and have wasted 10 yrs, (6 yrs in relationship and 4 yrs of crying over him) and now my chances of finding a new love are slim...do not be me plzzz....no one is worth such commitment...u have only one life, go out there and have fun....all the best sweetheart...
A
male
reader, whatsTrueLove?  +, writes (8 August 2008):
I really know what you're going through...Me and my ex broke up roughly 7 months ago, and I haven't spoken to her since, and it kills me almost everyday. Like you, its not nearly as bad as it use to be, but there are times, and days where i just wanna curl up and sleep.I've gotten a new job, hung out with friends, and just gone out, but like you said, it feels like i'm just covering a hole...I wish i had some advice for you, but unfortunately i'm stuck with you, but like the others said, time heals, just give it time.If you want, message me, cause i would really like to talk to you...
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (8 August 2008):
 You sound really wise. Its amazing how many people stare into the bottom of a pint glass and think that will make it all better. It wont. Sounds like you are doing all the right things, working, socialising, sports. The only thing i would think you need now is time. It took me about a yr and half to properly get over someone, to not miss them anymore. We split 4 yrs ago now, and i was one of those people that did all the wrong things, get drunk too much, few one nighters, basically not coping too good. But i can look back if i really wanted to now, and know it was fun, as well as a nightmare at times, but that i wouldn't date them again. For a good yr after, i wouldn't of been able to see that happening.
Its crap at the moment for you, and the time it takes people to get over proper love varies. But if you plod on the way you are, one day you will be content being single then meet someone that blows you away and you will never look back!
Just hang on in there.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, betty backstabber +, writes (8 August 2008):
 Your first love is always the hardest to move on from, but trust me it does get better in time. I was in a sorry state for months before i got over mine and even at times when i knew i should be really happy i still couldn't be because all i could think about was him. There are still sometimes now when i'll hear a song or somebody will say something and it will take me back to him and the way he made me feel, but now i've learned to just smile about it and think of it as a very good memory that i will never forget.
I don't think its wise that you chase any girls at the moment however because its not fair on that girl you do end up with when your still thinking of your ex, nor is it fair on you. Also trying to throw yourself into things like sports and hanging out with friends to forget her won't work. You need quite a lot of time on your own to just think things through.
Even though it seems that now life couldn't get any worse, there is always someone or something that will come along and make life seem better again. It may take a good few months more before you begin to be able to move forward, but you take as much time as you need sweetie and try your best not to purposely run into things that will remind you of her.
I hope it gets better soon :)
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