A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure what to do about a girl i like, it's quite complicated but i'll try to keep it short.I'm at university and have been for a year, there's a girl i really like, we're pretty close friends and i'm living in the same flat as her next year. I think it's quite obvious to her that i like her and a lot of times she seems to show me affection too, she often comes to stay at mine, cuddles up to me, spends several days at a time just us two etc but... she has a boyfriend. She also lives very far away from me outside of uni and the year is now coming to an end. I really want to tell her, because i really like her but I'm worried that i might blow the friendship we have now and also the awkwardness of living with her, but if i don't tell her i think i'll highly regret it as i'll fall for her again after summer and over the next 2 years of living together.She's been acting a bit off with me recently, not coming to stay, avoiding me etc, she claims she's fine but i think somethings up. I personally suspect that after spending so much time with me recently she feels guilty in regards to her boyfriend.What do i do!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 June 2011):
 I have to agree with Kc100 and Caring Guy.
I think the fact that she is pulling away, shows that she finally figured out that you have feelings for her. I think she saw you as a "safe" male friend - hence the hanging out and cuddling. Once she figured out (or someone pointed it out to her) that you actually have feelings for her, she realized that she was crossing a line. She wasn't being faithful to her BF - at least not in her mind. And she wasn't being fair to you either, so she pulled back.
I think she knows. You telling her will make things awkward. She's chosen to stick with her current BF, which means.. she doesn't dig you as much as you dig her. She most likely thinks if she pulls back and step away from you more, that it won't be awkward to live together next year.
Now, IF she comes back after the summer SINGLE, I think talking to her would be a good idea. If not, mums the word. Don't tell. She can not reciprocate.
A
male
reader, freeme +, writes (8 June 2011):
 I disagree with the first two posters. The reason I disagree is because she has shown you affection in the past.
You are going to lose your mind living with her anyway. So if telling her how you feel messes up the living arrangements, its probably better for you anyway. I don't have any friends that I cuddle with.
Its one thing if she is married, but she isn't. Telling her how you feel isn't the same as stealing her. She is a friend, and you are being honest with her. You have to be prepared for her reaction which might be, well then, we shouldn't see each other. Or it might be, wow, I feel that way too. What am I going to do? I love two men. It's going to get messy. But, it already is. You do realize that at this point your relationship with her is already changed significantly.
I don't think you brush your feelings under the rug on this one. But yes, you might blow the friendship. But really? At this point, isn't it technically already blown? You love her, you can't live with her and concentrate on your studies if she doesn't feel the same toward you. You'll need to move on. So what do you have to lose, mate?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 June 2011):
If she has a boyfriend, you're out of luck. It would be hugely disrespectful and short sighted of you to try anything at this time. It would almost certainly make things awkward, and you'd not exactly look like a great prospect if you were basically willing to steal another man's girl.
If it ends, make your move. Until then, you'll have to spend time getting over her.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (8 June 2011):
 Quite simply - you do nothing. Reason 1 - she has a boyfriend. If she had feelings for you, she would have left him. However they are still together therefore she clearly has stronger feelings for him than you, so you dont have a chance with her I'm afraid.
Reason 2 - you are going to be living together. I bet if you told her how you feel she would pull out of living in that house and would live elsewhere, it would be impossible for her to live with a guy who she knew liked her when she has a boyfriend - you would lose her friendship forever and you would probably cause her to have to change her living arrangements.
So all you can do is leave her alone, be her friend and nothing more. Your feelings will fade a bit over the summer which is a good thing, and when you go back to uni later in the year just see how it goes. If she ever breaks up with her boyfriend then by all means, tell her how you feel. But as long as she is with someone else you have no chance with her, and you would only ruin your friendship if you did tell her.
Put yourself in her boyfriend's shoes - imagine if your girlfriend had some guy she was going to be living with admit his feelings for her - it would cause a multitude of problems and the arguments would be pretty bad. Dont deliberately mess up her relationship, that is just nasty and selfish. Leave their relationship to run its course, dont meddle or get involved at all. Only IF it ends can you tell her how you feel, but until that day dont say a word.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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