A
male
age
36-40,
*ustaGuy
writes:HEy all,My ex broke up with me before the summer, we had been together for nearly 3 months, during that time we never had sex. I am still a virgin and am nervous about the issue and find it hard to get over expectations ,especially being a little older. 3 months later she returns and we start talking again. She told me she needed sex in her life and needed to fufil her dersires over the summer so to speak, hence the breakup. I guess she didnt want to cheat on me.So now she is back and i still feel for her. She openly admits she is only after being friends and having a bit of 'fun' when we meet. We have been in contact a lot since her return, we have spoken every night since her return about a week ago. I feel I am getting mixed signals, she tells me she loves me and feels that I am special to her, the next minute she is telling me she only wants 'fun' and that If I were to visit it would be 'just for the night'. I get the feeling she is unhappy and does'nt know what she wants. She is quite a complicated girl shall we say.She has asked if I am going to vist on the weekend, I dont know what to do, part of me hopes that she wants to see me and just is'nt after sex, the other part of me says 'yeah have some fun'!As i mentioned, we never have had sex before, will she think of 'us' differently if I gave her everything? She told me that her flings over the summer were purely for sex and that they had nothing to offer her like I had.thanks all
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female
reader, cupidhelper  +, writes (25 September 2007):
You only dated for 3 months and she cheated. she could have self-pleasured, she could have asked you to perform things with your hands that would be excepted to someone who waiting for the right person-- she broke up to have sex-- that's cheating.Now, let's say, she realized you were a great guy, got the sex out of her system and appoliged for the break-up, was confused by the emotions of wanting a fling but realizing she wanted a relationship after all, was okay with trying the no-sex for a limited time but would need some manual help and intimacy from you and would it be okay to use her experience to teach you how to keep your viginity and her...if none of these sounds familiar it's because she's wants to be a cherry picker and you'll get hurt. You don't know her sexually safty measures and could catch something-- she hasn't even been abstined long enough for some outbreaks to occurshe never appoligized. She never wooed. she's just confusing you becuase you like her and want more than she got to give-- that's just mean on her part.
A
male
reader, rein1986 +, writes (20 September 2007):
 she just want u to have sex with her, i think, if she really love you she swouldnt say such thing as just "fun" she probably say you're special to her so she can lure you a little closer to give her your virginity, being virgin doesnt mean anthing but 1 day when u found someone much more special then her and much more innocent, she might be the person you wanna give it too.. think wisely
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A
female
reader, brokenshadow +, writes (20 September 2007):
 Well she sounds a bit complicated for starters. Honestly I wouldn't give her the honor of your virginity. Although I don't know how you stand on that, some feel it's precious others think it's over rated. But i guess you must feel some value towards it since you ar still a virgin today. Also you don't know what her pactices are regarding sex.(protection wise) you don't want to catch anything. I would toss that fish back in the sea and find a fresh one ;)
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 September 2007):
 What you expect from this relationship is very much different from what she expects. You want a commited relationship and she wants a sex buddy. I'm afraid this won't work out for you, or her.
After a little while of "fun", you will ask for more, which she won't give you. And then a lot of problems will ensue. She will have a hard time, you will have a hard time, and you'll end up in bitterness. Getting together with her is a very bad idea.
Having said this, I have bad news for you. I will say this in the hope it will help you.
You don't mention why you never had sex with her during the three months you were together. I assume it has to do with you; maybe you never dared to have it. All right.
If the tables were reversed, and she had been the one who didn't want sex at the moment, would it have been right if you had found "fun" elsewhere? In my humble opinion, no.
Would she take you back if you had done that? I doubt it.
Would it be right if you told a girl that you love her, but you just want "the fun"? No.
If she needed sex in her life, and is expecting to get it from you now, what prevented her from getting it from you three months ago? If your answer to this question is "Because I didn't make my mind up", then go back to the first question I asked: was it right for her to go elsewhere?
If the other guys had "nothing to offer" compared to you, why did she leave the good man she had for them? Do you detect an inconsistency here? Would it be correct for you to date other people and then return to her because "they don't offer anything as good as she does"?
My general advice would be, stay away from this girl. You'll find someone else. I'm aware that this will be difficult for you, but you need to bear in mind that love is unconditional, but relationships are not. She needs to respect you as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007): I agree, she does sound complicated. She says one thing and then another. Proceed with caution. Many people remain celibate for their own reasons and others have to respect that. She has made it clear that wants a physical relationship and you aren't at that 'place' yet. She also stated openly to you. "she is only after being friends and having a bit of 'fun' when you two meet." That sounds like to me, she just proposed a f**k-buddy scenario with you. have this feeling you greatly value the act of sex and you want it to be special and rewarding. You want to reserve that for someone who values you and loves you, deeply. Your gf is seeking sex and just sex and she pressuring you. And I think you know it. Thus your confusion and bewilderment. You are questioning her actions and words. She is contradicting herself all over the place here. It's also plain to see that you both share very different relationship values, in regards to sex and no one should make you feel pressured into giving it up.
If you want to have 'just some fun'..no one here can tell you not to do it. But usually, people who have standards about what they want in a love relationship, usually have a difficult time letting go of their own ethics and morals...just to have sex for sake of fun. Give this some thought and make your decision based on your values. But I have to state sometimes, finding a less 'complicated' person to be with sounds like the better, more healthier path to follow. Good luck
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