A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm getting married soon but I'm still in love with my ex. I'm twenty years old with a good job and two kids. I met my fiance about a year ago when I was on vacation in the Bahamas. Sparks flew instantly and now we're getting married. We've decided to have the wedding in my hometown. He's a wonderful man. He loves me and cares about my kids. He takes care of me and he's incredibly sweet. Lately, since we've returned to my hometown I find the spark that was once there is dwindling. I'm starting to miss my ex more and more. When I was 16 I got involved with this guy. He was 19 at the time so I didn't tell my folks. We where together for three long years. It was the most blissful and fulfilling time of my life. Until I got pregnant with my first son and my boyfriend started to do heroin. Sometimes I'd have to drag him into the house when he was in one of his drug induced stupors. [this is when I was still pregnant.] I told him so many times that I was going to leave him but I never could. I was just SO in love with him. I stuck it out for a little longer until the day I found him in my tub overdosed and bleeding from a gabing hole in his arm. I went into labor on the bathroom floor and after that I kicked him out. He was out of my life for three months until he cornered in the back of building where I work and pushed me up against the wall. I was dating my fiance at the time but at that moment he was far from my mind. He started talking about how much he missed me and how much he stilled loved me. I fell hard for him yet again. One thing led to another and we had sex against the building. He's always been an AMAZING lover. Much better a lover than my fiance, sadly. Anyway, after that I stirred clear of him. I asked my boss for a transfer and for the last while I haven't seen him. He usually calls to talk to his son but yesterday he called my house wanting to know how I was. I humored him. We started talking about how he was doing and I found out that he's in a program trying to get his life together and he still loves me and will leave my fiance alone as long as I'm happy. I'M NOT HAPPY ANYMORE. I want him. Want him more than I've wanted anyone. I'm so lost. I don't know what to do. He's the father of my first born and possible father of my second child. I love him. He's good with his son and I'm so enamored with him. But I don't want to be hurt like last time. If he falls off the wagon then I'll lose everything. My family has told me countless times that if go back to him then I won't get any support from them. They have very shady attitudes about the situation. My family is from the south and they feel alittle threatened by my ex because he's well. . . white. That's the only reason they don't like him. They've voiced their opinions about him a hundred times but I don't want to hear it. For the love of me I'm so confused. I don't want to hurt my fiance. I don't want to be hurt again myself and I don't want to my kids in a bad situation. What should I do?
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female
reader, GetAGrip  +, writes (19 May 2008):
It is good your ex is in rehab and wants you back. The problem is for how long? You need time to know if your ex really means it. He is the father of your children and you owe it them to find out how serious your ex is. Your ex will need extra counciling other than rehab. He needs to know this.I don't think you are confused. You need to do some real counciling on your own to find out what you did wrong in your relationship with your ex. It takes 2 to make a relationship work. I would put marriage on hold. I don't think you are ready for marriage. You will screw it up with guilt.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): say with your fianc, if your ex was doing drug then thereis a very likely chance that he'llgo back to drugs. Even if your second child doesn't belongto your fiance he doesn't need to know.
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A
male
reader, AHYOKA  +, writes (16 May 2008):
Don't get married.... You will regret it. Go back to the one you love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): Call off the wedding! If your having doubts, then the marriage will not be happy, and hanging on to this guy for finacial support would not be fair to him, but using him if you don't love him.
Break it off, and move on!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 May 2008):
 This is one of those situations when giving opinions and expecting people to follow them seems too easy.
I think you are th eonly person who can decide what to do here. I will try to give you some facts for you to consider.
Your ex is addicted to heroin. Addicts sometimes leave the drug, but very often they don't. Sometimes they leave the drug for some time, but they usually relapse.
You don't know if your second child is his, or your fiancé's. This is a serious problem. If it is your ex's, then he will have rights (and duties) for two children. If it's your fiancé's, then you are in a hell of a problem. You will have two fathers with rights over their children.
It will be very difficult to tell your fiancé that the child you're expecting might not be his.
If your ex goes back to heroine, yes, you will lose everything. Even if your family were willing to help you.
It seems you don't love your fiancé.
I wish you the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): I dont think you should get married if your still in love you will always have 2nd thoughts and are never sure if you made the right decision plus it can always mess up your marriage wait until you are sure and only live the man you plan in marrying
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