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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm so hurt. So, so hurt.My boyfriend and i got back together yesterday. We had a faboulous time! He had broken up with me because of things from the past. But we got back together and spent most of the day together.Then, at night, he got upset again by something from the past. By the fact that I, in the past, started listening to some bands just so my crush (from that time) would like me more. He said that's pathetic. He got so upset and said a lot of hurtful things. Among them he wished me death, he said I deserve to die because that way I'll stop my pathetic existence.So I check my email and in the morning he had sent me one saying that we urgently had to talk and that we weren't broken up. I called and asked him what happened, he said he was busy, I said I couldn't wait after what he had told me last night. He said I really do deserve it. He started yakking again about the bands I listened to and blah blah... he said now we broke up, that I deserve to die and all that crap. I told him that yesterday we had had a great time, that in which way did a crush from the past (a past that didn't even include him!) affect that? He said it made it less special to know I'm so pathetic to change myself just so other guy likes me more. He said yesterday he had a good time, but that it wasn't great, and that if I wanted him back I'd have to work harder for it, to make up for the stuff I did in my past.I swear I'm so hurt and he doesn't give a crap about it! I swear all I wanna do right now is go over to his place, throw a fit and punch him in the face... how can I hurt him, how can I get back at him for what he said, that he wishes I die? Gee, I wish I died just to make him feel guilty!
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broke up, crush, got back together Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, A Cappella  +, writes (28 May 2008):
 "What you accept becomes your standard." Do not accept this treatment. From anyone, especially not from him. Walk away from him with your head held high; he's the idiot, not you.
A
male
reader, JTalbott +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Just because someone behaves irrationally, doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when they do.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Totally agree with all the others. This guy is a waste of space honey.
I will tell you how you can get back at him big time though!!! Dump him and move on.... he will remember that a lot longer than a punch in the face. That will be a punch in the heart, that is if he has one.
XXX
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A
female
reader, 123emma +, writes (28 May 2008):
It sounds to me that he is very immature and knows that you will put up with his crap so he feels he can continue doing this. Firstly your right it has nothing to do with him, and it isn't pathetic either, in fact I'm convinced we all have at one time said we didn't like something (even if we did) or whatever to get someone to like us. Also, it feels that he is loving being controlling over you, and really it has nothing to do with the bands at all but him feeling like he's in control as you jump through hoops to make things better. It's as if he really enjoys making you feel worthless, making you question yourself and do all the work for this relationship. He'll never change, and he'll probably start begging he would change if you refused to give in, but he'd never really change. As hurtful as it will be and as much as you'll doubt yourself, please leave this relationship he's wrecking your confidence. You deserve so much better! It may take time but you'll find someone else x
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 May 2008):
 He is just immature and irrational.
Treat him like a little boy and move on.
Mature people don't act like that.
Blowing hot and cold.
Leave him alone.
He is not worth your attentions.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Totally agree with anon reader!!! THIS GUY IS JUST PLAIN NASTY!!!!
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A
female
reader, Queeny  +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Trust me, if you hope to die just to make him feel guilty.. he WILL NOT... he is very possesive and protective... just be careful that he may not kill you himself... he may be mentally ill..
if you love someone, you will never ever, wish them dead... he is selfish, jelous and overprotective that he will abuse you. He may harm intend to literally harm you physically as emotionally is not enough. he is mentally ill... period
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): i say pray for him....coz what comes around goes around and it seems that what he did will stab him in the back, hard and soon!! how awful, i cannot believe someone can make u feel THAT BAD for liking a guy n pretending, its ridiculous everyone does it at one point and he simply wants u 2 beg him n get attention- even if he comes bak sayin sorry u can never forget what he says n someone who says that is not right in the head...definitely walk away hun. Good luck, u can do this xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): It wasn't pathetic. You were young and you've grown up now. How horrible.
I don't blame you for being mad.
You didn't do anything in the past. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous. He's made me so mad.
How DARE he say that you deserve to die? Don't listen to that. That's rubbish. And it's one of the most horrible things I've ever heard in my life.
What a nasty guy.
I don't think you should try and get him back. Just do some physically intensive sport and try and get out some of the anger.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (27 May 2008):
 He got issues, maybe he is really jealous?
Not that it really matters what causes it but a guy who wishes you death for anything ESPECIALLY something as trivial as this is not worth it.
Read your own post. First he slams you for changing yourself to win another boy then the next day he demands you worker harder to get him and to make up for the past.
Control freak on a power trip?
Stay away from him because he is one of those people who will tear you down in such a way that you will do everything to make it up to him. Sounds crazy but far to many people fall for it.
He doesn't give a damn about what you did, all he cares is that he can use it against you.
As for what to do, if you are a teen girl who listens to advice from old people (that will be the day), just walk away. No revenge, no getting even. Just walk away and consider yourself lucky that right now you can still do that. Far to many only start wondering if such a relationship is wrong years later when they are married, socially isolated, financially depended and with kids and a husband who totally controls them.
Walk away.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): "In order to make a difference, you need to be different." If you hurt him, he's just going to hurt you more.He says that you shouldn't change for people, looks to me like he's trying to change you for himself."if I wanted him back I'd have to work harder for it" see what I mean here? Like don't change but change for me kind of deal?I'm going to ask you to do something really weird. Listen to him, don't change for anybody, Including him. Be yourself. "How you think determines how you act. How you act in turn determines: How others react to you."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): Wow.......Ok 1st of all get rid of the bastard (Mind my language sorry)drop him like a hot brick wow how can he wish upon death on you like that? That alone proves that he's not up to your standards and for a band??? Omg i'm telling ya girl drop him move on.I guess i can relate to you cuz 8 days ago me and my GF broke up saying that she fell out of love with me...All of a sudden i see her with another DUDE!! i did send her messages.Next week i'm going to a party with an old friend and she's coming with her new BF and tells me to not interfere i said it doesn't concern me.Some of my friends says that that's being heartless and she's playing with my heart the fact that she's bringing her new hubby.Well anyways back to you listen girl this guy is not up to your lvl he should mature more and also drop him just drop him like if a tarantula landed on your hand drop him like that. You deserve alot and i mean alot! better than that i would never wish death upon my exes and trust me they did some pretty outwordly things to me.Anyways just move on and find yourself a guy that will love you and will wish you great health instead of death and that will cherish you.Goodluck girl and sorry i made this soo long =]
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