A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please Help... I am 29 years old and have been married for 6 years. I have recently had 2 children and my marriage is totally boring. My husband and I do not see eye to eye on almost every issue. We were raised and grew up completely opposite of one another. To make things more complicated an ex of mine (whom I thought I was going to marry) before meeting my husband has come back into the picture and is talking to me all the time. Is it wrong that I talk to him and can share things with him that I can not even share with my husband? I feel like I am falling out of love with my husband and back in love with the ex. He too is married and says that he and his wife are int he same situation as my husband and I. We can not be around one another without feeling like we are still very much in love. What do i do?
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female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (28 May 2008):
 This is murky...you and the ex are both looking for something (my guess is a bit of a thrill and some attention) and/or having marital issues - but instead of trying to make positive changes and improve your marriages you are making excuses. Your question sounds like you are seeking permission to cheat on your spouse...cause that's where you are headed right now. If you continue to put yourself in a position where you are alone with, intimate (be it emotionally or physically) with another man...you are denying your husband the opportunity to work with you and find ways to improve things at home. You are not able to think about how to make things work with hubby when you are off making yourself feel "understood and wanted" by the ex.
Maybe your marriage isn't something you want to save - but what you're doing now is just so dumb...and you'll regret it one day. If you "can't be around your ex without feeling like you're falling for him" the answer is simple...DON'T go near him.
One other thing...if you're marriage is "boring"...what is your role in that??
You need to grow up, take some responsibility for your own life and not look for easy options that are basically just selfish!
A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Hi,
It seems like both of you have got into a rut. But be very careful as you have gravitated towards each other because of your problems not necessarily because you are meant to be with each other.
As it stands you offer each other a sounding board for your problems, this can be a positive thing as if communication has broken down in the home, at least you have someone to talk to. But as soon as you start thinking about getting intimate put up that STOP sign.
It is a kneejerk reaction to your unhappiness, you split up from this man a while ago so there must have been a reason why you werent compatible at the time . O.K I accept that time changes a lot of things, but you are both married with children , do you think your relationship would be able to survive the divorce courts, hurt children, and the inevitable family problems? It would place an intolerable stress on you both. Moreover, you may very well find you lose custody of your children as you will be the offending party in the breakup.
So I would advise that you try and repair your relationship with your husband first, but you cannot do this while you are still communicating with your ex.
I dont envy your situation , and it must be awful to think you are in a relationship with someone you are not suited to, but surely its worth another go. If things don't work out then go about moving on in a respectful manner, don't breakup accrimoniously it will be very hurtful for your children.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (27 May 2008):
 It's easy to talk to someone else other then your spouse. If your spouse loves and cares for you, he will listen and will make the time to listen to what all is bothering you and what changes can take place for the both of you to make...I'm sure it's not all one sided. When you get involved with someone else, all it does it lead to heartache and pain for everyone involved. What if your husband found out? What if your "friend" just wanted you for sex because he might be having a sexless marriage? If you want to rebuild your relationship, then try. If it's really not what you both want...then move on and divorce. Don't cheat and hide it. I don't believe in staying in a marriage if it's just about the kids. Kids read right through that. They have senses unlike like no other. We were once that age and I could read right through my parents. We knew the fake smiles, we knew everything. Leave this other guy alone before it gets heated and you know what I mean. Talk with your husband, let it ALL come out...see what happens then. People should be real and honest in their talks and not wear a mask. To many times we stay comfortable or are afraid of the real truth in speaking out. How can you move ahead if your not being honest with your spouse and even yourself, and believe me, he will know because you just can sense it. Let your heart talk to him, open up and be honest. Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): Marriage council,Seems to me like you don't speak the same love language than your husband and you're getting out of the "In love" experience.My guess is that your love language is "Quality time" and that your husband doesn't know it.If you think that marriage council is to much, may I suggest a book about love then? Gary Chapman's 5 love languages. Buy it, read it, learn it, APPLY IT!Don't buy it for your husband. Buy it for yourself just to see what your love language truly is then try to guess what your husband's love language. "Where there's a will, there's a way."Can a book make a difference? It did for me, why not for you ?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): sounds screwed up. bad karma will result: you should "litmus test" your husband and see how he really feels about your marriage first; you must give him the benefit of the doubt and the option to make things better. right now you are cheating; and in the wrong.
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