A
male
age
30-35,
*andalf55555
writes:I have a real issue. My girlfriend and I have been going out for 4 months now. I'm fine with her socializing with everyone else except for this 1 kid. He's 1 of my mates from school, and for some reason, whenever they're together, I just get so so jealous and I don't know why. It only happens with this one guy and it is doing my head in. She gets on well with my other friends as well, and I'm absolutely fine with that. But I just don't know why I get so angry when it's this 1 guy.and for some reason when she's around my other friends and I'm there, I have no trouble being myself, I have a laugh and everything, but when it's them two, I just act really weird and not myself and I don't know why. I'm usually quite funny around her and other friends but not this kid. I just come out with really stupid things.How can I get rid of this jealousy issue?My girlfriend and I have had way too many arguments about it and I am definitely never bringing it up with her again, so I need to know how to get rid of this stupid jealousy on my own.
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female
reader, ladybug  +, writes (18 June 2007):
 a little jealousy is healthy but too much of it will kill your relationship, its normal for you to feel jealous because you have a strong feelings for your girlfriend, but if both of you are arguing for that matter, its time for you to reflect, ask yourself if 1. your jealousy has a STRONG basis 2. it destroys the very foundation of your relationship.. then talk to her and open up in a very sweet way, this process will strenghten both of you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2007): a little jealousy is healthy but too much of it will kill your relationship, its normal for you to feel jealous because you have a strong feelings for your girlfriend, but if both of you are arguing for that matter, its time for you to reflect, ask yourself if 1. your jealousy has a STRONG basis 2. it destroys the very foundation of your relationship.. then talk to her and open up in a very sweet way, this process will strenghten both of you.
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A
female
reader, sarahbeth101  +, writes (18 June 2007):
if she where to like that guy she would have already been going out with him. but she isn't she likes you and don't let that get to you. Girls don't like it when guys get jealous it makes it look like you have no confidence. so don't let him bother you. she likes you
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A
male
reader, gandalf55555 +, writes (17 June 2007):
gandalf55555 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the help Eve.
But to be honest, I had just exaggerated the situation a little bit. I was just being TOO protective, but I had just been under loads of stress. Everything's fine now.
Thanks.
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (15 June 2007):
 Then she doesn't care for you half as much as you care for her. Read again what I said about jealousy, you CAN stop yourself from feeling jealous if you want to, it just needs to be worked at. You are obviously NOT her number one priority so it might be a good idea to have a rethink about this relationship...
Eve
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A
male
reader, gandalf55555 +, writes (15 June 2007):
gandalf55555 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat sort of thing doesn't work with her though. She notices if I'm not giving her the same attention as usual, and she doesn't care, she just shrugs her shoulders and goes off without me. That gets me so angry. It makes me feel like I mean absolutely nothing to her. and I don't want to make HER jealous, I want to get rid of my jealousy. and playing hard to get isn't going to change the way I feel about her and him.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (15 June 2007):
Why don't you play a bit harder to get? Don't make yourself so available to her and let HER chase you more! Play her at her own game and circulate and chat with other friends, male and female. If she is still keen on you then she'll notice you're not paying her the same attention and she'll come looking for it. Women like a challenge, don't follow her around so much and DON'T say anything bad about this other guy, even although you hate him as you'll only push them closer together doing that. Try it, if she continues to ignore you and play up to this other guy then I'd forget her and move on and find someone else who will give you the love and attention you deserve.
Eve
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A
male
reader, gandalf55555 +, writes (13 June 2007):
gandalf55555 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have tried all the things you suggested. We have had countless arguments about this and I don't want to anymore. And it is definitely not because he is better looking and funnier. I don't know why, but my girlfriend is the only person who finds him funny. He isn't funny and he isn't good looking; to be totally honest, he's a fat and ugly. and he tries to make funny jokes, she finds them funny, but to be completely honest, they're just stupid and not funny at all. and he says he's done stuff in school that she thinks is funny but he hasn't!! he lies about it!!
and they were together last night, and they were practically joined at the hip. They were together the whole night.
Whenever I'm with her, and she says she's bored and goes somewhere to do something else, I always go with her. But if I go somewhere else, she stays behind and when I next see her, she's with him. and it makes me so angry. Last week another kid from my school met her and actually had the nerve to ask her to kiss him - in front of me!! I didn't do anything then and there because it would have upset her because she took it as a joke. But in school I completely humiliated him and hit him because of it.
I don't particularly like this guy and neither do my friends, but I don't know why she does!!!! If we're all together, she follows HIM, not me, HIM. Maybe that's just me, but I hate it. What does she find so great about him??!?!!! All this stuff happens at this place where my friends and I go every week to just hang out, and I'm tired of this jealousy thing. She says the only reason she goes is because I go, but I'm not entirely sure that's true.
Anyways, all I want to do is have these questions answered by her (truthfully) without having an argument (which seems impossible). and I want to get rid of this jealousy but I cant.
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A
female
reader, xSarax +, writes (13 June 2007):
 I think that you do have a jelousy issue not with your girlfriend and this guy. but just with him. He's got something that you havent and this makes you feel insecure. It may be that he is funnier or better looking than you, or people just like him better. But when your girlfriend is around him you feel like she can't resist him. If there was any evidence of your girlfriend flirting or cheating on you then this would be a different matter. your girlfriend is probably a bit annoyed and hurt that you don't trust her and is a bit fed up of arguing. You should find out the reason why you are wary about him and explain this to your girlfriend. Be appologetic about the way you've been acting so she doesnt think you are having a go at her. best of luck.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (12 June 2007):
Feelings such as jealousy are based on fear and do not come from love at all, we say we feel like this BECAUSE we love the person but this isn't the case at all. Jealousy comes from wanting to possess and wanting to own or have. One cannot own another being or even the mind of another being. One being cannot live for another. Remember that FEAR stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear immobilizes and makes it virtually impossible for people to think effectively because it bypasses the pre frontal cortex and goes directly to your right brain emotional center and is thus not even analyzed first!
Feelings such as guilt and worry are in the same category. See what benefits you could possibly derive from sitting in your favourite chair and contemplating as well as experiencing these feelings intensely for a few hours? None of course because they do not deliver any benefit other than getting you into an even greater state of fear. So you see, that jealousy, guilt, fear and worry all belong in the trash bin because they do not deliver any benefit whatsoever. Love on the other hand will get you to understand and be less fearful. This in turn will make it possible for you to experience joy and bliss.
Remember always: You have a mind, your feelings come from your mind therefore you can control your feelings. In other words, YOU are in charge and nobody else. YOU determine the future. And you become what you THINK. Be careful because the universe will deliver that which you THINK!
Eve
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