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age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: I am fifteen and I want a baby so bad!! I know I'm insane because I'm still a kid myself but I just want to have something that's truly mine. Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now and we both love each other and want to be together forever. We are sort of sexually active and we think there may be a chance that we are expecting right now..but it is very unlikely. We know this is what we want but is it bad for me to keep asking him to let us have her now? How do I make this want go away?? Please answer back honestly and help me know what I should do! I'm desperate!!:\
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (7 April 2011):
 Just talk to him face to face, and explain that you really love him but you dont feel ready for sex yet, and you are hoping that he will understand and wont push you on the issue. Tell him that you will let him know when you do feel ready, but for now you would like to take it slowly sexually and not rush into something you dont feel comfortable with.
All you have to do is be honest with him - if you dont feel ready then simply say that to him. He will appreciate your honesty. You said that he loves you, so if this is true then he will be totally fine with this - if he really loves you he would never want to push you into something you are not ready for. So just talk to him, be honest and I am sure it will all be fine.
Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all sooooooooooo much!!! It really did help a ton! And I really am not going to even have sex to have a baby but it helps me to talk about it. So thanks so much!! Also do any of you have any advice on how to tell my boyfriend that I'm not ready for sex??
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 You should put your head under an ice cold shower jet till you come to your senses.
First, you are under age, your are not even supposed to have sex- a disgruntled parent may make him land into no end of troubles even if he is a minor, or in jail if he is over 18.
Second, who would be providing the money to care for this baby ? I do not think that at your age you have the financial stability for that- no part time or entry level job , with your lack of experience and qualifications, can give you that, and anyway , aren't you supposed to be in school ?
Your child would actually be supported by your families and or / the State. Not fair.
Also a baby is not something you "get " just for your own good or interest. Like you would get a puppy for company, or a new video game for entertainment, or a cool car for status among your friends..
You are ready to bring a new being into this world when you do it for him/her- when you have enough money, time, maturity, stability to give another human being the gift of being unconditionally loved and properly cared for.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (5 April 2011):
Well let me start by saying that how you feel is totally normal, we have hundreds of teenage girls that come on this site feeling the same way. It is mainly because of your hormones - once you have started your periods and you are fully into puberty your body THINKS it is ready to have children. And technically yes, once you start having periods then your body is sort of ready for reproducing. However these hormones derive from a time when we all died around the age of 30/40, so women needed to have children younger than we need to today.
Secondly, as you said yourself, you want something that is truly yours. When you are a teenager you dont have much responsibility and it is very common for teenagers to feel like they dont have much control over their lives, and often (girls especially) they want something to take care of and to love. So the way you are feeling is normal - but acting on these hormones would be VERY WRONG. Here are some of the hundreds of reasons why having a baby at your age would be bad:
In terms of health, here is why having a child under the age of 20 is a bad idea:
- Teenage mothers are less likely to gain adequate weight during their pregnancy, leading to low birthweight. Low birthweight is associated with several infant and childhood disorders and a higher rate of infant mortality (i.e you have a much greater risk of the baby dying). Low-birthweight babies are more likely to have organs that are not fully developed, which can result in complications, such as bleeding in the brain, respiratory distress syndrome, and intestinal problems.
- Pregnant teens have a higher risk of getting high blood pressure - called pregnancy-induced hypertension - than pregnant women in their 20s or 30s. They also have a higher risk of preeclampsia. This is a dangerous medical condition that combines high blood pressure with excess protein in the urine, swelling of a mother's hands and face, and organ damage.
Aside from putting your health at risk and your unborn child's health at risk, here are the other things you need to think about:
1. Are you in a stable, long term relationship where the chances are you will get married in the near future? You need to have been with your boyfriend a very long time and you need to be 100% committed to each other - a year really is not long enough to properly know each other and where this relationship is going.
2. Do you own or rent a house big enough to have a child? You cant rely on mummy and daddy to keep you and your baby, you need a place of your own with lots of space to raise a child in a nice environment. Relying upon the government to give you a place to live is not an option either - the taxpayer is not there to give you free money just because you want something to look after.
3. Do you have a good career with future prospects? You and your boyfriend both need to have good jobs that bring in good money, because babies are incredibly expensive and you will be paying for him/her for the next 18+ years - so you need to make sure that you both can work in order to buy food, nappies, toys, pay for school/college for the little one etc.
4. Have you finished your education? You and your boyfriend both need to have finished school in order to get a job, and you cant expect your parents to be daycare while you finish school, it is not fair on them.
5. Do you have a car? If not - how are you going to get around? You cant stay indoors 24/7 with the child, and the child will need to visit the doctors, you will need to take him/her with you shopping etc.
6. Do you have some savings ready to fork out the initial costs of having a child? Like buying all the things you need in preparation for a child? You need a heck of a lot of things before the baby is even born, like a crib, pushchair/buggy, carseat.....the list goes on and on. And these things are not cheap!
7. Do you have a supportive family network around you? At your age you are a kid yourself and you are not mature enough or emotionally ready for a child - so you will need an amazing family around you. But equally, you cannot expect your mum and dad to raise the child while you are finishing school, and then you come home and do the nice bit where you just put him/her to bed and ready him/her a story. Your parents are still raising you - they dont want another baby otherwise they would have had one themselves! It is not fair to dump your child on them a lot of the time while you are off doing what teenagers are supposed to be doing - school and having fun.
8. Are you ready to give up going out with friends, having any money to buy clothes/make-up etc for yourself? All for the baby? You will have no time or money for yourself so you need to be ready to give up a lot for this child. You will have no life anymore - no time to do fun things with your boyfriend, no time to see your friends, no money to buy anything for yourself - your life will literally be over and all you will think about, talk about, and spend money on is the baby. Are you really ready for that? Are you ready to give up on every dream you ever had? Because as a mom you give up your life to give the child a good life. So unless you have achieved everything you want before you have a baby then you are going to spend the rest of your life wishing you had more time to yourself.
9. Are you ready to be a single mom? I know it seems like you and your boyfriend will be together forever right now, and you both want a baby - but I have been on this site a number of years, and see teen girls like you come onto the site asking the same thing 'I want a baby but I'm only 13/14/15 etc...' - and their boyfriends at the time always say they want one as well. But when the baby arrives - it is a different story. Boys dont have as much responsiblity and attachment to the baby as the mom does - they can walk away whenever they want. So many girls dont listen to our advice, have the baby, then come back months later crying saying 'why did he want a baby with me when he has left me?'. And it is always the same story - these boys are teenagers, sex is fun for them and they dont think about the consequences of a baby. Then when reality hits they are scared and run a mile - they dont want to be tied down, changing nappies and having sleepless nights for years. They want to be out with their mates, having fun and messing around. Babies dont fit into that at all! So if you have this child - you must be 100% prepared that the statistics say you will be a single mom before you are 20, and you will have to raise this child alone.
Think about it this way - you want to give your child the best life you possibly can, but is this possible at your age? Or would you be able to provide more for your child, like educational toys, days out, more knowledge and wisdom, a better family environment, if you waited a few years?
The reason why most people wait until they are in their 20's to have kids is so they can finish their educations, get good jobs that pay well (children are SO expensive, they estimate it will cost over $100,000 until the child is 18), and more importantly - so that you are wise enough and knoweldgeable enough to raise a child well. When the child comes to you asking for help with its homework, or wants to know some deep question about life, normally you need a good amount of life experience behind you to really give your child the knowledge and values it needs to set them up in life. And if you have not lived, and all you have done is quit school to have a child, you are not going to be able to give it the rounded, knowledgeable childhood it needs to turn the child into a well-rounded adult.
Think about if you are in a position to give the child the best life possible, or if you need to get your life sorted first. There is never any harm in waiting, if you have a child at 23/25 you will still be a young mum but at least you will be in a better place in life to handle having a child.
Having a baby now will not make your life better - it will only make it worse. You will have no money, no friends, and no future. The baby wont show its love for you for a few years - at first it is just a pooping, eating and sleeping machine that is only interested in the people that feed it. Love is not enough for a child - it needs the support of 2 adults (mum and dad) who are mentally and emotionally ready for a child and the hardship it brings. You cannot give the child all it needs on love alone, a baby needs so much more.
Even if you are in love with your boyfriend and are happy, just enjoy being young and in love for a few more years - babies can wait. You have the rest of your life to be a mum, but you only have your teenage years once and these years should be the best of your life. See what your relationship is like when you are 20 and see how your lives turn out - then you will be in a much better position to have a child.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 not trying to offend you, but in all sincerity, nobody has a clue what they truly want when they're 15. hell, most people don't know what they want when they're 30+. Do yourself a favor and get a puppy if you want something that's truly yours. because at your age, you can't possibly provide the life this child needs. and it's no fault of your own. as you said yourself, you're just a kid. enjoy your youth. no sense in rushing that. you can always have a baby later. like when you're 60. :P
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female
reader, Yetilicious +, writes (5 April 2011):
 Are you crazy?!? Having a baby at 15 intentionally will in fact be the worst decision of your life and you will regret it. How do you plan on paying for the baby? The diapers, food, clothes, doctor bills? What about school...are you going to drop out? Youre not mature enough to have a baby, and a baby deserves a mother who can properly care for them. Trust me, grow up, finish high school, go to college, have fun being young. You will have plenty of time to get married and have babies.
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male
reader, Brody January 27th 1998  +, writes (5 April 2011):
well I have a question. where are you and him gonna get the money? besides both him and your parents. does he have a job? once you have a baby there is no going back so think about it with all the parents involved and does he want a kid? would both of you die for eachother? how would the baby be all yours if both of you would be at school and your parents at work?
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