A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi I’m 19 and I have liked this guy at work since August. He's really good looking and a bit full of himself. He looks good but his personality sucks. Let’s say his name is John. From the first day I saw him I liked him, I was really drawn to him. Other girls at work liked him too so I had competition. Now I’m a shy girl and I’m scared of rejection, usually when I like a guy I just admire from a distance, keep it quiet and let it ware off. But because I liked John so much I just had to tell him. So I wrote him a note telling him I liked him and gave him my number. 4 days later he sent me a text saying he didn’t like me in that way. After that I was so heartbroken and sad about it and my confidence went down a lot. I’d tell myself things like “No wonder he doesn’t like you, you’re fat and ugly. What were you thinking of course he wasn’t going to like you, he’s out of your league, why did you even try?” So anyway after he rejected me things were a little awkward at work but we soon became friends. He added me on Facebook and on MSN. We spoke very little on the internet but when he did speak to me, he would say certain things to see my reaction to see if I’d get jealous. He’s a good-looking guy and like I said before he’s full of himself and he knows I like him, as well as other girls at work. So that’s why he kept saying things to mess with my head.So anyway even though he rejected me I still liked him. I tried to stop myself from liking him but the attraction I felt for him just wouldn’t go away. Then one day out of the blue (Sunday January 6th) he was talking to me on MSN. He started flirting with me, it was an “instant message booty call.” I was hesitant at first, but because it was the actual John who is drop dead gorgeous who I’d liked for months and months… I didn’t say no. He made it clear that it was just going to be sex between us. He said he didn’t want anything serious. So I agreed to this only because it’s him and I really like him.So we had sex. And after that things at work were awkward and I didn’t know how to act around him. A whole week passed and he didn’t even call me or anything. For that whole week I was afraid it would just be a one night thing. So to end the suspense I texted him asking to see him again. He said: "Too risky I've got a wifey, doubt it’ll happen again you know"Now I’m hurt that it was just a one night thing and he gave me the impression that it would be continuous (rejected AGAIN). I feel like such a fool. I know I never should’ve agreed to this in the first place but if I would’ve known it would only be for one night I never would’ve slept with him. I feel so hurt and used. He didn’t even tell me he had a girlfriend. I’m hurt that it was just for one night and I’m also hurt that he has a girlfriend. I can’t bear the thought of him being with someone else. He knew I liked him a lot and he used this to his advantage and I let him. I wish I didn’t like him so much. I wish I didn’t care. I wish I never met him. I haven’t even replied to that text he sent me. But what is left to say? Things are going to be even more awkward at work now. Any advice for me?
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at work, booty call, confidence, facebook, flirt, has a girlfriend, heartbroken, jealous, msn, shy, text, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, burr  +, writes (13 September 2008):
I;m currently in that position as well. The guy whom I was seeing , I work with him too. Trust me it hurts alot. I mean you geniunely like him and you want to get to know him,but the whole time they are using you. Then , they tell you " You should have known." The guy whom I was seeing stated that his ex just showed up one day and stated that " I want to move down here now" Honestly, He was talking to her the entire time then try to make a lie I told you I was not looking for a relationship." The sad part is I got pregnant and miscarried the child . He's response well it was all for the best. Let me tell you something about people like him and all other guyslike that. At the end of their life they will end up alone. They always have that one woman/girl sitting on the side she knows what is going on yet she doesn't leave them until they get completely fit up. For instance, he and this chick was living long-distance throughout the entirety of their relationship . Does she honestly think he will completely commit to her now that she has moved in his house. Look at it this way, If a man is not willing to committ to you farway than what in the hell makes you think he will commit to you when you are their. I pretty sure I was the only person he was seeing behind her back I'm pretty sure there were other woman as well. The sad part of this story is that he never intended to tell me that she was in town even when I called to see what he was doing. I had to ask him what was going on.Once I describe the chick he was with he knew he had to come out with everything (though he still lied). Trust me people like (derrick) will have their day someday.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008): i know exactly how you feel love, i'm in the same boat... you pray for him to miraculouslu see what he's missing out on but things like that only happen in books and films... in reality he's a shallow man... after reading all this you might get tempted to tell him what you think of him too but honey actions speak louder than words... don't let him have the last laugh... tomorrow, wake up and dress to the 10's... be polite at work but not too friendly... give him the cold shoulder... if he feels for you then he will come back to you on all fours himself... if not then in time you'll realise that he was never the one... that's the same thing i'm doing at the moment too... time is a great healer... do take care...x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): I'm kind of in a similar situation. I really liked this guy in my department, and I thought he liked me back, so one night we got drunk at a party and had sex. I was happy because I thought we were going to be girlfriend and boyfriend now, and we ended up having sex once more before he told me he just wanted to be friends. Now, he is nice to me, but he acts like nothing happened, and he has a girlfriend now.I know it hurts, believe me I know, and aside from not getting to be with the person you really want, you also feel used and trashy. For awhile I hated myself and I would randomly cry after seeing him. But if there is one thing I realized, it's that there are 6 billion other people on the planet, and not only is this one guy not that important, your own problems are really not that important in the scope of things, so try to put this is perspective and realize that it's not the end of the world, though it may feel that way now.Remember, life may not be fair, but it's still good, so concentrate on the good.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2008): These guys are a dime a dozen. Learn from this and never make the same mistake again. Look at it from a positive light...when you do find your prince charming, you are going to appreciate him even more because he would never treat you like that. You deserve better. Show that pig by living a great life. HIS LOSS!!! And be thankful you are not his poor girlfriend. You should feel sorry for her not envious of her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): love. there are much better guys in the world who are good looking, will take you as a proper girlfriend and treat you with respect. don't waste your time on this loser, there are probably boys after you who you would be a lot better off spending your time with. move on from this waster. xx
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A
female
reader, red1982 +, writes (15 January 2008):
From a womans point - since they are all men answers so far.
The man is obviously an arrogant arsehole!! Believe me there are plenty of them in this world and you will meet many more as you get older. Next time you meet one - try and recognise him for what he is. No matter how good the mask looks!!
I know that you are really hurt at the minute but that will pass - just try to learn from this mistake. When I was 18 there was a bloke that I really liked and I slept with him 5 times over a year because I kept telling myself that he would fall for me eventually - didn't happen and I was so embarrassed and upset....... But I saw him 18 months ago in a club - god he was still really good looking and he came over to talk to me. Within 10 minutes of the conversation he had asked me back to his and I laughed in his face, told him that I was now happily married with two beautiful children. He is still living with his mum and single. I think he's probably slept with most of the girls in our area so no-one will touch him with a barge pole!!
So I had the last laugh.
The point to that story is that he will end up very lonely, people that use every one around them do, and his girlfriend will find out - he doesn't sound that smart to me!!
You however will meet someone who genuinely cares for you. Just try not to let lust get in the way so much next time and use your head more then your heart.
Take care honey
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (15 January 2008):
 "I have liked this guy at work since August. He's really good looking and a bit full of himself. He looks good but his personality sucks"
So this is purely lust then? How can you really be into someone when "his personality sucks"? and as for the "booty call" thing - obviously he's only after one thing and you need to just forget him and move on. Say no more.
Best of luck and let us know of any updates :)
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A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (15 January 2008):
I always ask why alot of you ladies think sleeping with a man will make him love you more.Just because you like him doesn't mean you should sleep with him.It's good that you've realised what you did was unnecessary now is the time for you to pick yourself up and have some confidence in yourself.I don't know why you had to punish yourself when in da 1st place he told you he didn't share the same feelings as you and even went as far as asking for no strings sex but you saw more.Learn from your experiences and grow.You deserve better.Don't ever look down upon yourself because you are more wonderful than you think.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): Woman, get some self esteem and rat this cheating prick out to his wife.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (15 January 2008):
 Hi there,
Please don't take this the wrong way but you really need to see what has happened here.
I'm sorry but you knew the warning signs before you slept with him. Booty call? He even said it would be just for sex, I really don't know why you thought anything more would come of it.
You sound like you have very low self confidence, men like this pray on girls like you. He knows that he can ooze a bit of charm and you will come running. What you need to do is find out why you are attracted to a man like this. Do you honestly believe the best you can do is a suave womanizer? Surely you must at least believe you can meet someone who wants to spend time with you , get to know you, start a relationship. If you go for womanizers then you will never be happy.
Forget about these self centred jerks ( imagine his poor girlfriend always wondering where her man is and who he is sleeping with - she was probably doing just that while he was having sex with you!) and meet someone who wants to be your friend first before starting an intimate relationship. Sex with someone you love is way better than sex with a shallow insensitive type . And think of this, this man is not a happy person, I have met many guys like this in my time, they are all really screwed up as they need the fickle attention that one night stands provide them. But they have no ability to love someone wholeheartedly. They should be pitied not chased after.
Hold your head up, be confident and you will meet someone who will treat you with respect. Forget about jerks like this - put this one down to bad experience, we all make mistakes and by getting involved with someone like this you can learn to avoid them in future.
good luck.
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