A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Lately, i've completley given up on guys and everything to do with them.I haven't been in a relationship since october, and i've had a few crushes which have turned out to hurt me.I've been hurt by guys so many times, I don't know what to do anymore.It feels like I won't even find anyone to be in a relationship with, let alone find someone who's decent.All my friends have someone who is at least interested in them, which makes me feel bad about myself, and envious of them which is totally wrong.Its as if they have a long list of guys, dying to take them out. There's not even one for me.I don't think I'm unattractive at all, and I always take pride in my appearance. So that can't be it.I'm fed up with waiting for someone to find me, so now I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (16 June 2008):
 They always seem to show up when you least expect it or when you aren't even looking. People are attracted to others that are "involved and engaged" in life, so instead of sitting around waiting, start DOING! Throw yourself into your passions. If you can't find some group to join at school, like the Drama Club or the Orchestra, etc., then ask your Mom or Dad to help you find that archery club or those flying lessons! The bonus is that while you are developing a new skill, you are ALSO meeting people with interests that are similar to your own, so you are more likely to find someone compatible with you while you are there! Don't worry, it will happen in it's own good time. Good Luck and Get Going!
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 June 2008):
 Everyone has that problem at one point in life. The initial reason why people date is because they attract each other. The attraction is most often physical, which is no guarantee of compatibility at all, so perhaps most people you will find in life won't become stable partners anyways.
That said, I beg you to focus on this:
"I'm fed up with waiting for someone to find me, so now I don't know what to do".
To me, this is a mistake. You're hoping that someone will come your way. You're passive. Why don't you become active, and, instead of just throwing a line and see if someone will bite, you go out for the hunt?
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (16 June 2008):
 Your time will most definitely come and it will probably come when you are not looking any more. When I was your age I was the same and desperately wanted a boyfriend. I went out with a few and they dumped me although I was quite pretty and good fun. I stopped looking for a while and when I wasn't always on the look out boys started to approach me and ask me out - even ones I didn't think would ever be interested. I think sometimes boys can sense desperation or neediness and it puts them off or they start treating you badly if you have started going out with them. Play it really cool, be friendly but not over powering and let them do the chasing. If you relax a bit you will probably get quite a few offers all at once. Also if you are very good looking it can make boys feel a bit intimidated about asking you out as they may think you are out of their league so be open and approachable. You have loads and loads of fun to look forward to so pick and choose carefully and have lots of fun.
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A
female
reader, Fionaisme  +, writes (16 June 2008):
 As everyone else has said your time will come. I hadnt my first boyfriend until i was 18. Lots of guys will be interested in you. Love always comes along when you least expect it but your too young to be worrying about this. I know its easy for me to say but which would you prefer? Being in a relationship with a guy you didnt really like or he didnt really like you just because your friends have guys interested in them? Or being with a guy where you both have feelings for each other and respect each other? I think the second one.
You just have to wait it out, for the moment do things to make you happy as an individual, then your guy will come along and you will be very happy. Dont worry. x
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A
male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (16 June 2008):
 Let me offer another aspect that you might not be aware of. It may appear to you that your friends and other couples on the street may not be as harmonious as you might think. It's hard to look upon these friends and couples and not be a little bit jealous, but that's just a surface observation. I think that they might not be as harmonious as they might appear. Many couples -- married and dating -- struggle with relationship issues. I think that if you keep this in mind, it might help cool some of that jealous, resentful emotions that you feel. As kenny said previously, the guy for you is close -- open your mind and heart to the possibilities for discovering him. In the meantime, concentrate on making yourself an even better person in whatever way you define it -- school, personal interests, etc.
Best wishes and keep the faith in life's possibilities!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2008): see dearfor a while relax,take deep breath and calm down...for u have tried a level best to get a good guy in ur life...but unfortunately failed ...but dont worry things will be all right if u give yourself a little bit of time and introspect urself...see the faults u have been making and the advantages people are taking out of u. read good books,inspirational and motivational too...u indulge in constructive works..and yess do lotsa fun with ur friends ..dont stop them...time will come when u wud definetly meet with a Mr.Correct...wait for that ...meanwhile enjoy life its really beautiful..dont think too much...and slowly slowly things wud turn out in ur favour...believe me!!! cheers!11
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (16 June 2008):
 5 years single and counting.i'm not ugly. i'm just not settelling for second best.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (16 June 2008):
 I think that you should stop worrying about meeting someone and relax a little bit. So your friends have guys interested in them at the moment, so what, your time will come.
Ok so you have had a couple of relationships that have not worked out and of course this is going to make you a little jubious about entering another relationship, but there are good guys out there. I have had a couple of dodgy relationships myself and often think are there any decent girls out there for me, i know there is, its just a matter of being a little positive and open minded. I believe that we meet our potential partners when we are not even looking for them, like out of the blue. So relax, go out and enjoy yourself, and i bet you meet a nice guy when you least expect it.
Wishing you all the best x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2008): Your what 17. I am 23 and haven't had a girlfriend in 5 years. It is depressing I know, but sometimes thats just how it is. Obviously giving up isn't going to solve your problem. Also stop waiting, how about you going out of your way to a guy you like. If it doesn't work out, at least you tried.
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