A
female
age
30-35,
*oftballplaya
writes:okay, i recently got back with my ex who i dated on and off since august...we reached a point in december when we quit talking so 6 months later he contacts me wanting to talk, I was so happy without him but somehow he suckers me into talking to him again. I want to be able to tell him no! when he contacts me again cuz he got distant so i ended it. He will talk to me again i know this for a fact but how do I tell him no! without falling for him again and getting hurt. I dont want him back in my life and he was my first bf..im 14..hes 16..at one point he really cared but that only happens for a lil while til he fucks everything up. I cannot deal with him at all anymore like i hate him, but i never have enough power to tell him this. I end up falling for him and getting hurt again=/ any help here?id really appreciate this soo much
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 June 2008):
 You need to keep yourself ready for the contact, if you can't block him like hlskitten has so wisely suggested.
Have a set list of answers, and some of them can be very vague to keep him away from you.
Some ideas, off the top of my head....
Hi, yeah, I was expecting you to call. I'm not happy that you're calling, but I guess it was inevitable. The problem is that I'm really busy right now. I can't talk right now, so just write down what you need to say, and mail it to me. I will get back to you when I can.
Hi, yeah, my mother/father told me you'd call me again. Shehe also told me that I had to tell her when you did. So I'll call you back after I get her/his permission to talk you again. It may take a while.
Hi, my mother doesn't want me to talk with you right now. Sorry. Give it a few months, then maybe we can talk then. But right now, I can't.
Hi. Yeah, I'm here. No, nothing has changed. What do you want to say? [listen and do not react] Well, thanks for calling. I'll get back to you when I can.
Hi, yeah. Uh huh. Uh huh. Sorry, can't talk now. Bye, and it'll probably be better if you just write down what you want to say to me and send it in a letter. Don't call until I get back to you.
Well, that's probably not much help, but you need to put a big wall up between you and this guy. And you can concoct whatever it is you need, whether it's your mother's or father's permission or your own practicing the word 'NO.'
One tactic that I use on telemarketers or people I really don't want to talk to on the phone. I let them say what they need to say, then start talking, and in the middle of talking, I cut the line off myself. And I don't call back, and ignore the new call back from them.
The best thing to do is to just say, NO, this is hurting me too much and I need time to get over it. I will call you when I am ready, and not before. Do not call me before then. Sorry it's had to come to this, but I do not want to talk to you....
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (16 June 2008):
 Literally just say no! Just like a reformed alcoholic would or an ex drug taker. If you haven't done something for a while and are ticking along nicely, you dont suddenly decide to do something again just because someone offers it?
The guy is a manipulator, and only your strong personality can stand up to him and say thanks but no thanks. We've all had to face similar at some point, and like you, i have an ex that lays low for so long, then thinks he will test the water. They do it to try and catch you at a low point, it makes it easier for them. Ive now blocked his number (i love my mobile!) and i expect at some point soon for him to turn up at the door. I will be polite but never let him back again. At some point they will move on.
Just remember everytime you let him talk you round, you end up miserable. That should keep you strong.
C xxxxxx
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