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anonymous
writes: How far can the knight in shining armor thing go? I have always gone too far to accomodate girls. My gf of over a year has enjoyed me fixing her drinks and snacks, tickling and backrubs, anything and everything I have to offer whenever she wants it. It's at a point where if I refuse to do her a favor, even one so small she could get done herself with no problem, I get attitude from her. Recently, I have been getting fed up with getting the short end of the stick as they say and denying her things here and there. I feel degraded, like I am not much of a man, and unappreciated. I'm here to fix all this, but I don't feel like it's time to break up or anything. What is the smoothest way to handle this girl's attitude? Should I cut off my genorosity completely for awhile or am I doing the best thing now? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2005): Hi, Of course you're looking after your girl friend - thats what you started off doing and it will be difficult to change. Can I suggest that you talk things over with her and tell her that you're fed up with not being appreciated, and work out a compromise.
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reader, Wildberries +, writes (23 May 2005):
You are being well used my man. She has already made it extremely clear that unless you are catering to her every whim, there is going to be a PROBLEM!!! Unless you want to spend the rest of your life doing that, you need to find someone who appreciates the attention, doesn't think it is her divine right and is willing to return the favor.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2005): If there is no give and take and only give and give on your end, then there is no balance in the relationship. All your energy went into pleasing your girlfriend, at first you enjoyed doing all these things. Now, your energy is depleting and you're developing some hostility towards her. This comes when reality sets in. You see, initially you enjoyed doing these things for her, maybe you did it because it's the way you like to show your affection and you hope to receive her undying love. She almost expects you to keep doing everything for her because that is what she's used to. I suppose you could take some blame for that. Why do you love her?? You said you're feeling unappreciated, does she do anything for you?? There has to be something about her that you adore for you to tolerate this behaviour. If you cut off your generosity be prepared to deal with the outcome. I wouldn't suggest you totally stop catering to her needs, but maybe just do what you feel like doing for her, at whatever level you find fair. Your actions have made her view you as almost a love slave. She has developed the characteristics of a spoiled brat. In this mode she see's you as a puppet, someone she can control for her own benefit. If she truly cared about your feelings, then her actions would display that. A good balance in a relationship is when two people equally contribute to making the other feel good. This is how we show respect to one another. Consider what you will lose if you completely cut off your generosity. Will this create a hostile environment and ultimately destroy your bond with her?? If it does then, let it end, because if she can't see the way her behaviour is affecting you then it won't work. You'll be better off alone in that sense. In the future, when you enter a new relationship, don't set the stage with your unrealistic presentation of continued catering to a womans needs when you are not able to exist happily like that in the long run.
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reader, Christie +, writes (22 May 2005):
Comunication is what this needs. You need to speak to her about this, tell her how you feel. Hopefully she will realise and stop being so demanding, she may not even notice what she is doing so it is important that you explain to her in a gentle, non argumentative way how this makes you feel. The sooner the better, as the longer you leave it the more anger you will feel towards her. This could tern a problem solved by a simple conversation, into a relationship ending argument. Good luck and take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2005): You are very kind, but you need to realize that some people just take advantage of people like you, first of all you need to give when the other person deserves it. If you give once, see if they do things in return, if they don't, then don't do it! If someone has an attitude they are not the right one for you. You will find your kind sweet girl that loves to give and live unconditionally. I am a woman and I love to give and spoil my man, there are out there ......
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