A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm almost sixteen, but before you start judging me and my situation based on my age, just know that I am a lot more mature than some people.I've had the opportunity to have a boyfriend in the past, but this is my first one. He is everything I could ever want. He is sweet, he doesn't suffocate me, he doesn't pressure me for sex (in fact we still.haven't kissed, and we've been going out for almost a month and a half - he doesn't want to mess this up by moving too fast), I am very attracted to him, and he knows exactly what I need when i need it.The only thing that worries me is his past. He's told me, without any hesitation or lying, that he has lived what he called the stereotypical "teenage dream". He has slept around a lot, and went through a lot of girls. Both him and his friend think he has changed (and his fried had the biggest crush on me, so he wouldn't lie to me for a better chance for his best friend to date the girl he almost punched his best friend for). He claims to have gotten tired of it, and now he wants an actual relationship. He has been absolutely perfect up to this point, and we've discussed the possibility of sex, and he doesn't want to move fast whatsoever. He is telling me he wants my first kiss to be special, and he doesn't want it to be a bad experience for me.I really don't know what to do. I think I'm slowly falling for him all over again, but the possibility of being just another one of those girls is really starting to scare me, the deeper in I get. I just need advice. Thanks in advance. 3
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (19 December 2011):
 Everyone has a past - but at the end of the day the past is in the past, if he has shown you that he has changed then give him the benefit of the doubt.
It sounds to me like he is being genuine, if he just wanted sex then he would have gotten bored by now!
Keep on taking it slow, dont rush and just relax - it sounds like you have a nice guy so enjoy it and try not to overthink things.
My boyfriend is a little bit similar to yours - when he was at uni he slept with around 50 women, when I think about it that really horrifies me, I cant stand the idea of someone who would sleep around like that. But he has completely changed, he loves me to bits and I'm not just another girl to him. He is 100% comitted to me and it isnt all about sex. We have been together just over 2 months and its going well, so I try and live for the present rather than looking back to the past.
All I can advise is that you give him the benefit of the doubt, allow yourself to fall for him but dont rush things. Kissing is fine, but wait a good few months before you have sex to make sure he really is genuine and you are 100% comfortable taking things to the next level. There is no rush to have sex, so just take it slow and see how it goes.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
male
reader, LovelessAct1  +, writes (19 December 2011):
Well, there are a few things to think on here:
1. People have baggage. Its a bit different in high school, since a lot of teenagers are entering relationships for the first time, but as you move forward in life, you'll find that no one has a "perfect" past. Nearly everyone will have been heartbroken or done the heartbreaking at some point, and it will carry with them as a memory all their life. Its something you need to accept, and will be something you'll hope someone will accept about you someday once you have had your own experiences.
2. Trust should always be earned. You want to avoid becoming on of those notches on his belt, then dish out trust in small servings and only if he deserves it. As of now, he's been great; he's showed that he cares, isn't afraid of moving slow, wants to make this relationship special for you, and has apparently changed from how he used to be. That being said, its also only been a month and a half. Is that enough time to lend your trust to someone permenently? Not really, no. However, that doesn't mean you can't at least give him the benefit of the doubt for now (without sticking your neck out too far that is). The second he does show that he might be hiding something or have ulterior motives, retract that trust immediately.
3. There is no harm in being in a casual relationship as long as you can control becoming too attached to quickly. As you've said, this is your first real relationship, so you're at a greater risk of letting the puppy love get the best of you. But you are in the position of control in the end. You can be in a relationship without it being serious and just enjoy someone's company.
4. You don't need to do anything you're uncomfortable with. If in the end, all he wants is sex, you'll find out. And when you find out, you have the power to end the relationship. Becoming "one of those girls" is up to you.
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