A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello! I have been with my boyfriend now for 3 years, and usually we have been really happy with each other and get along well. We are not engaged, but we have lived together for about 2 years, so our relationship is pretty serious. Over the past year and a half or so, I have had feelings for one of our good friends. It is not only a physical attraction thing, in fact the longer it has gone on I feel like I love him almost in the same way I love my boyfriend and maybe even more than my boyfriend. He definitely shares feelings with me as well. I feel it every time we are together and even when we're not. We message each other online all the time (nothing inappropriate), we can't go without seeing and talking to each other. I feel like there is no solution. Do I leave my boyfriend? I have no other reason to other than I want to be with his friend; I couldn't be with the friend anyway because it would ruin their friendship and make him hate me. I have been trying to focus on my current relationship to try and be content with what I have (a great, loving boyfriend) and work on our intimacy, but still I think of the other man all the time. I have also tried staying away from him, but it is impossible because they are friends too! Has anyone been in this situation, and what did you do? It is making me feel depressed, and I have to do something about it soon. One idea I had is to ask my boyfriend that we could have some time apart so I can be on my own and figure things out. Do you think that might help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2014): Thank you for your responses. It seems that there is no easy way to figure out this kind of situation. I recently talked to my boyfriend about some things that I felt were causing stress in our relationship, and he seems open to working on it and has been making an effort, so I am willing to give our relationship some time and see how it goes before I make any rash decision to move out or break up. Hopefully in time I can make a better decision of what is the right thing to do. Thanks for your help.
A
male
reader, DragonMan  +, writes (3 March 2014):
 Greetings,
My advice is control yourself.
Such feelings when provoked always lead to disaster.
You need to decide to stay with your bf or leave him.
Harsh I know but you have to control this. If you leave him, don't rush into his best friend's arms as that will only cause more pain.
Instead if you are tempted more and more to level your current bf then leave to be alone for a time out of respect for your bf and also time to reflect.
If you decide to stay with your bf then maybe make some plans to avoid this other guy so you can control your emotions and avoid temptation
Think of it this way.
How would you feel if the situation was reversed? Honestly most people would feel terrible so keep that in mind.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (3 March 2014):
I think a lot of people encounter this situation more than you think. You either keep the one you are with, or dump him and go out with his friend. In this case you will have analyse the consequences for both and decide if either is worth it and also ask what is the worst that can happen.
I personally don't think it is worth ruining a good relationship you have with your current boyfriend, as my own advice I give myself is "why ruin a good thing?". Also to destroy friendships is a heavy burden to live with.
On the other hand you can stay with your current boyfriend and worry about what if's but perhaps this is more than worth it.
Or you can ask yourself how would you feel if your boyfriend is doing the same thing you are. Is this the same way you would like to be treated? How would you want him to decide?
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A
female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (3 March 2014):
 Ok, I'm gonna bare my soul here. Yes, I have been in your position, a long, long time ago. I was dating a guy who was thoughtful and loving and who adored me. But he also had a friend whom I was becoming increasingly attracted to. I found ways to be alone with this guy so I could talk to him (no FB back then), I even phoned him a few times. This guy was not as attractive as my boyfriend, or as nice or even as thoughtful. But to me he was the excitement I needed. So I dumped my boyfriend and I started going out with his best friend. Not only did this hurt terribly the guy I dumped, it broke not only the bond of trust these two friends had, but made their circle of friends hate me. They forgave 'what's his face', the guy I dumped my boyfriend for (which only lasted 3 months anyway), but to this day, no one in their group (20 something years) has a good word to say about me. So, should you leave your boyfriend? I can't answer that. If you did would the outcome be different to my story? Who can say until you do it. But what I suggest is that you unfriend your boyfriend's friend off FB. If you have his number, delete it. Avoid any situations where you have to hang out with your boyfriend's friends (at least for a little while, until your infatuation comes under control), and focus on your boyfriend, I mean, really, really examine his qualities and decide if he's a keeper. If you decide he's not then at least you know you've done all you can to be objective about the situation and if you choose to end it and start a relationship with his friend, you can do it with no regrets. Good luck!
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