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I'm embarrassed by my gf's crass comments to other people. How do I deal with this?

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Question - (29 January 2007) 9 Answers - (Newest, 31 January 2007)
A male , anonymous writes:

My girlfriend is quite eccentric and very over the top and I cringe so much when she speaks now. Before I could cope with it but now I cringe too much when she speaks.

For example when she speaks with her friends she calls them stuff like 'Whore face!' and 'when I see you next, im gunna bum you and cover you in my juices' and while it may be slightly funny I really don't want my parents reading that, as I get a bit embarassed by it.

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A female reader, burlesqueen United Kingdom +, writes (31 January 2007):

Yeah I do this alot with my best best friend.

I think it's gotta lot to do with the "scene" going round.

If you notice, certain social behaviours go around in circles, much like fashion.

(Fingers crossed) she doesnt do it with strangers, but generally girls talk very crudely with the people they trust most, not worried about how stupid or gross it sounds.

But if it's way too much for you to handle, then just talk to her. Ask her why, just try to understand her. Try to let her understand you too.

Kayy :)

x

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A female reader, Seratuki United States +, writes (30 January 2007):

Seratuki agony auntWell..

I talk like that with one of my friends :) She'll call me up and say "whats up slut?" or something like that...and I'll say something like..."Not much Douche Bag" and we'll laugh

Granted, it's only with this one friend...I would NEVER say that to anyone else...

so if she's saying it to specific friends it's probably just a joke...if she's saying it to everyone then thats a problem..and you should talk to her about it ASAP.

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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (29 January 2007):

willywombat agony auntSounds like peer pressure then. She is trying to impress her friends....

x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I just find it quite immature but I accept it if its the way she is with her mates etc. I just don't like it and feel im a lot maturer than she is, but hey shes only 16 and will probably change in the enxt few years.

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A female reader, Patient1 United States +, writes (29 January 2007):

Patient1 agony auntI think the important question here is; Can you live with her being like that for the rest of your lives? If not, I would seriously consider breaking this relationship off now. The deeper you get in, the harder it is to get out. See, I've heard that "everyone you meet is neat, until you get to know them better". You may have been compatible in the begining of your relationship because her actions didn't bother you as much and now that it's happening on a regular basis, it has become aggrivating. Or maybe she didn't do it as much then and now that she's comfortable with you she's just being herself. If you don't like it then tell her. Tell her it makes you uncomfortable to hear such vulgar things coming out of such a pretty mouth. If she doesn't want to change something that simple for you then she doesn't deserve you. Good Luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007):

Relationships are about talking openly and helping each other along. She is doing something you don't agree with. Then tell her! Know that it's okay to talk to her in a nice, way, and tell her, "Hon, I care about you but I don't like it when you talk like this. You need to tone down the phrases". See what she says. Relationships are work, compromise and while we don't want to change the people we care about-we do expect a level of maturity and graciousness in how they conduct themselves around others. She will have to decide on her own to stop this behaviour. But if she doesn't and you find this harder and harder to cope with. And it means that you and she have different levels of maturity and expectations in this relationship and you both are not a match.. Then the answer to your problem will be quite simple. Find a new girlfriend. One whose behaviours are more mature, more classier and match your own.

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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (29 January 2007):

willywombat agony auntOh dear.

You have to talk to her about this. She may be joking about but if it is upsetting you and it is a BIT crude and lewd then I think you have to ask her to tone it down a bit.

You don't need to be rude about it, just tell her that you get embarrassed. I don't think she will react particularly well, but I do think that when she calms down she will see you point of view, that is, if she has any manners.

I wish you luck. Keep us updated.

xx

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A female reader, Here123 United Kingdom +, writes (29 January 2007):

As you haven't stated her age, i can only assume shes a young girl. maybe early teens. This language is totally unacceptable and very imature for anyone. She obviously has found some new words she likes, and is using them in the wrong manner, thinking that she impresses her friends. If you like this 'girl', tell her to tone it down a bit,be honest with her and explain that you dont find it funny. It sounds as though she's trying to fit in with her friends and make them laugh. By overtrying, she is making you feel uncomfortable. If she gives you a crude, or rude reaction, leave her as she needs to grow up and you are obviously more mature.

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A female reader, stina United States +, writes (29 January 2007):

stina agony auntHey Anon,

Well, I don't really see a problem with it if her friends are okay with her doing this. I think it would be a problem if she was just saying this sort of thing to random people while walking down the street. lol

It looks like you just get embarassed by your folks reading what she says... Why are they reading what she writes to you? And more importantly - why are they reading what she writes to her friends??

If you're that concerned about her saying these things, let her know how you feel. But I do want to say that you probably knew how she was before you two started dating, right? You can't and shouldn't want to change a person...maybe she isn't the right one for you? Just something to think about before you go trying to change what sort of person she is.

Take care.

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