A
female
age
30-35,
*laire1640
writes:So i don't know how to start this really :/basically, i feel seriously so down and depressed over someone elses problems ... i actually asked a question about this subject a while ago, so please look at that because i go into alot of detail about this guy. But basically, i had a HUGE 'crush' if you like on my married neighour, i had done for a couple of years, only now have we actually started talking..i'm 16 by the way, and he's around 37..obviously i didnt intend for something to come between us, i just enjoyed the fact that we could talk and wave at each other at the window... anyway, about 3 week ago, him and his wife split up..i still have no idea why, but he's moved out and he's living with his mum, i see him quite regularly at his wifes house across from me because he visits after work to see and babysit his daughter.. anyway, i talked to him and he obviously seems like he's going through ALOT, he's depressed ..and he wants to get back together but she doesnt. anyway, the question is.. this man has nothing to do with my life,and yet i can't stop feeling down myself because of how he's feeling and what he's going through! i think about him constantly, just thinking about how hard his life is at the moment and it really makes me feel so crap and makes the rest of my day worse :/i know it's horrible..but how do i stop caring about him so much and stop how he's feeling bring me down when he's not even part of my life?! :(Thanks alot3 x
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depressed, get back together, moved out, split up Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (26 February 2011):
 It is only human. We are social creatures, sympathetic creatures, we feel for our fellow humans. There is nothing wrong with it. You seem to think of this man as a good friend so it would be natural for you to have such feelings.
There is a man who owns a shop next to mine and we talk to each other quite frequently. His wife is trapped in another country because of some very complicated and hate-driven reasons. I know nothing of his wife, I do not know much about him nor have I known him for very long but I am obviously very worried and saddened when I am reminded of this. It is natural and human. So don't worry. Try to cheer yourself up or try to talk to him and cheer him up, whatever you feel will help.
I hope that helps.
A
female
reader, Aunty Honest +, writes (24 February 2011):
 Dear Claire,This is a tricky situation. First of all I would suggest that perhaps seeing this man so upset affects you so deeply because you have feelings for him, and it's hard to watch someone you care about suffer. I know it's hard but I think you have to try and distance yourself from him. What he's going through is tough, but he shouldn't really be putting it all onto a 16 year old girl, and you don't want to get sucked in to what will be messy and ultimately lead to you getting more hurt. I understand the older guy thing but right now you two are just worlds apart. He has kids and a divorce to deal with and you should be enjoying yourself! Perhaps you are displacing negative feelings you have anyway onto this man? Perhaps there are things which are depressing you personally but it is easier to worry about him? Try thinking about yourself. To be so affected by someone else's problem (while admirable) suggests that you are not entirely happy yourself. Hope that helps, and that things look up soon.
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