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female
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anonymous
writes: My new boyfriend has a 24year old daughter, who keeps flashing him. He tells me when she does and finds it hilarious, but I find it a bit disturbing. Once she called him into her bedroom and when he entered she was bent over butt naked! Another time she called to tell him that there were two men standing outside her window staring at her. She finally revealed that she was naked in her living room with no clothes on. He found it hilarious and said she just doesn't realize what she's doing. Do you think this is true? Is this just innocent? Maybe I'm feeling disturbed for no reason and she really has no qualms about nudity...after all she was bought up by her father alone. She hasn't been disrespectful in front of me....yet, but I'm wondering if she is trying to get her father's attention from me. I am making sure that I don't take it away from her and never try to compete with her, so I hope she will realize that there is no need, if this is the reason. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): I think you can forgive it once, but the fact that it is habitual makes it a problem. It is very inappropriate, and she surely knows this at age 24. Although most of us would NEVER admit it, for a guy (I understand that this is not the case for women), there is really no such thing as nonsexual nudity. He is probably laughing to hide his true reaction, which is some degree of sexual arousal. I'm NOT saying that he is crazily lusting after her, only that some small part of him is certainly sizing up her nude body and eroding the barriers that he has created between daughter and sexual partner. Be firm with him - tell him that he must tell her to stop. If she loves him and this is indeed innocent, she will stop. If she does not stop, then you know that she is trying to sexually compete with you, and this is a battle you don't want to fight, which means you will have to break up with him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): It sounds like your boyfriend's daughter may be threatened by the fact that her father has a girlfriend, and is afraid of "losing" him to you. This is a natural reaction among some females, and is a primitive mammalian response. She feels threatened by you, because her father finds you sexually appealing, so her natural reaction is to try to make her father find her sexually appealing in hopes of her being the primary female in his life. I know this sounds weird, but some women are like this. They naturally feel threatened by another attractive woman who is competing for the attention of the man in their life. I would continue to question him about this. If she continues to flash her father, then he needs to tell her to stop this behavior, as it is in appropriate.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2005): I have read all advice, thanks all!
I have told him her behaviour is inappriopriate and disturbing to me. His response was one of shock. He said he would have to think about what I'd said because he had never thought about this being an issue before. He agreed he would have to consider setting a boundary, but wasn't sure if I had got the wrong end of the stick.
He also clarified that she was on the first ocassion, bent over looking for something under the bed and her knickers were on display, but not naked. He told her off by saying "(her name), what are you doing? Did you really call me in here just to show me that?!".
She laughed and said "oops, no I just dropped something..."
On the second occasion, when there were 2 men staring in through her window and she called him in a panic: he insists that she just doesn't think that her nakedness effects people. She told him once that she walks around naked at home, all the time; although she would never do that, in front of him; that she didn't realize she was naked, until he asked her if she was, by any chance, naked. She replied, innocently "well, yes...why are you laughing at me, Dad?" The girl does not have any curtains on her living room window and her dad believes this was a playful and harmless ploy to get him to pay for her curtains...which he is now doing urgently.
These are the only two instances I have heard of from him and I think I might have over-reacted on this, but I still don't beleive that a 24 year old would not know the effect her body has on men, but I think he thinks she is a completely naive little girl and she is playing on it and using it for effect. What do you all think, now?
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A
female
reader, lildeesbg  +, writes (9 September 2005):
 tough situation. Here is the thing..I was raised by two great parents and i too like to get a rise out of them, i would be gross like pick my nose or pass gas, honestly thats as far as I would take it. I think what she is doing is probably trying to get some attention back from her dad. But honestly what concerns me is her approach on that and his laughing and not being concerned. She is 24 yrs old? and she acts like that, something isnt right. Till this day i never mentioned to my dad I had my period let alone show my naked body to him continuously. You need to approach him on this and tell him as a women her behavior is uncalled for. Let him know that he is the only one to put a stop to it, not you, it is not your place. If he makes this as no big deal he too can have alot of issues that i dont think you want to deal with.
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male
reader, mllr212 +, writes (7 September 2005):
call it what it is incest. they need counseling
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2005): Well i think that if her behaviour gets any kind of reaction from her father then that's a little strange however, i am almost 23 and have just moved out of my parents house a month ago, i have never had any problems being naked in front of my father and in fact we would often use the bathroom at the same say him in the bath and me in the shower cubicle. There has never been anything sexual or wierd about it, it's just seemed natural, i've just never got to the stage where it felt innapropriate to be naked in front of him. I think it's different for lots of families. I'd say that there's nothing wrong with being naked in front of your father no matter how old you are, although only when the nakedness isn't an issue. If it's something that she's doing specificly to get a reaction out of her dad then that's a bit strange.
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female
reader, daniella +, writes (6 September 2005):
i find it rather disurbing to 24 and shes flashing infront of her own father, thats kind of sick and for him to just find it funny and laugh. Sorry but its a bit srange, i think u need to confront him and tell him how you feel if i flashed infront of my father he would probably smack me. good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2005): If she is trying to get his attentions in this manner..then I have to say-what a bizarre way to gain it??I am really shocked as I think this is highly inappropriate behaviour for a 24 year old daughter/adult woman to sexualize her body, by appearing nude to her own father. When one is an adult, acting sexual and exposing your private body parts to one's parents-is just not plain right. Many females will feel this way but it's not okay to act on these feelings. This is where that strong sense of morality & a modicum of self-respect and modesty should've been instilled in her would've alleviated this, had she learned this when she was young. I really feel when this situation is properly explored, it may reveal some, disturbing, underlying issues of importance that you need to consider, should you continue a relationship with this man. By the age of four or five most children begin reserving their bodies for private viewing, and so should parents. One of the earliest sexuality concepts we all want is for our your children to learn is that the body is good—all parts of it. But as with so many aspects of discipline, we take cues from our children. We watch for signs that your child is developing a sense of modesty. When your child begins to cover up, it's time for parent/s to cover up as well.
Perhaps this daughter never experienced that sense of modesty, as most children do. Maybe her Father thought, her nudity was okay...but there comes a time when she has to realize, that no matter how comfortable we are with nudity-it's so wrong to go over the line and sexualize that nudity. I think this girl has some major problems and she should seek some counselling. Maybe tell your bf to let his daughter know..that he's uncomfortable with her behaviours and he simply won't tolerate it, anymore. I wish you luck...
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A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (6 September 2005):
 She could be trying to ger her father's attention in an inappropriate way and his somewhat blase attitude isn't very appropriate either.
I think you may need to talk to him about this and explain what you said in your letter to him. It isn't the way she should behave in front of her father and he should gently but firmly tell her to stop. He is in some ways encouraging her by laughing. She should be out having fun with her friends rather than doing this.
Perhaps your partner needs to talk with her and find out if there is anything bothering her. Find out if she has always done this too or whether it has happened more since you came along. It does seem very much like a bid for his attention and he needs to open the communciation channels with her.
Explain to your partner how you feel about this but don't allow him to misconstrue what you say as some kind of unusual jealousy. Let him know you are concerned for his daughters welfare.
Good luck.
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