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female
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anonymous
writes: My partner and I have been together for five years. I'm 28 and he's 52.For me the age gap is nothing, it's my feelings for him that matter.But the age gap affects my partner. My friend says he'll be drawing his pension in 13 years and I'll be in the prime of life.Last year, after he admitted his age, he left me and my two children. He'd previously made out he was ten years younger.But I asked him to come back - my feelings were for him, not his age. The other problem is we only make love once a week. I don't make any sexual demands on him as it's obvious when he doesn't want to.I find it so hard to talk to him about it.Don't tell me to dress up in sexy underwear. I've tried all that and it doesn't work.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2005): Sounds like he has deeper issues than just his age if he first lied to you about his age then promptly left once he admitted the truth. Does he have insecurity issues? Praps he's not as emotionally mature as he's led you to think. And then you need to ask yourself if he normally seeks out women in their twenties and what happens when they reach thirty. There's a myriad of questions and issues that arise everytime a significant age difference is apparent in a relationship. Not to mention the sex issue. It's great that you're respecting his wishes not to have sex when he doesn't feel like it, but you're reaching your sexual prime. He needs to demonstrate his care and affection for you by fulfilling your needs as well, by intercourse or other means. Sounds like yall need a serious heart-to-heart.
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (7 September 2005):
 This is the problem with big age gaps. People always say 'age is just a number' blah blah blah but it's more than that. It's our identity, how we're brought up, our values, morals etc. A large age gap can cause so many problems, as you're at completely different points in your life and want such different things. It doesn't mean you can't be together, you just have to work that bit harder than other relationships.
About the sex; with a man his age, you have to accept that he is well past his sexual prime and is not going to be 'up for it', as it were (!) as often as you want it. Has he tried viagra? I know that might sound silly but it might give him that boost in the bedroom.
You sound like you really love him and have made many sacrifices to be with him. Stick it out, now he's come clean about his real age, you can both get on with it. Good luck :)
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reader, pops +, writes (7 September 2005):
Some people can make this work; most can't. I think he is being honest with you that he is feeling his age, and that it an issue he can't get around, even if you can. Talk to him about " us " away from the bedroom, and away from anywhere else you may have sex. Talk to him when you both have your clothes on. He's twice your age, and you should be asking your own questions about why you are attracted someone his age, and not someone closer in age to you. He has lived a whole life you know nothing about. Listen to him. You may be hurt, but you will find another man to love.
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A
female
reader, daniella +, writes (6 September 2005):
if you like (love) him then the age gap shouldnt matter to either of you i think he probably feels that your going to run of with a younger and more active man prove to him your not and hes the only one.
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