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male
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anonymous
writes: Hello. I have a problem with my parents accepting my friends. Even though my parents especially my dad claims not to be racist they are.I'm a white male, 21yrs old, and my best friend is a non white. He is indian/very fair skin. My parents don't respond when I mention him as a friend and I have a mixed race of friends, while, black, indian, all nationalities. They are only approving of the friends that are the same colour and same nationality as I am. Any one else that is not white that wants to be my friend in my parents' eyes don't want to be my friend, they want me for what I've got. I can not handle this idiotic manner of thinking because we are all equals and colour, "well to me" does not matter. I tried speaking to them but they dont answer back. When I talk about my white friends they are interested and want me to socialize, however when I mention my "non-white mates" they're not bothered. How can I get them to understand that the world has changed and that we are all equal, and that I will choose who is my best friend or friends because it is my choice and not theirs? It's not my fault that they have the "old school teaching policies" of trust nobody if they don't look like you. Please help. Thanx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2005): well if i was you i would tell my mother and father that not that evary body has the same skin but the same heart and it does not matter about the outside lookes like its the inside that matters
A
reader, pops +, writes (6 September 2005):
You can't change people's biases. Only they can. They were raised in a world where race made a difference. You did lose promotions and job opportunities based on who you associated with. Your parents don't want you hurt, and therefore are not thrilled at your choices of who you keep company with. They may not speak out against your friends, but they won't encourage you in that direction, either. Accept the fact that there is a generation gap, here. Your parents believe they have sound reasons for their reservations about your friends. They are not going to change that, and neither will you. Accept them for who they are, and that they love you and only want the best. But, we are a long way from most people accepting interracial marriage, and mixed race friendships. If you think white people are bad about this, wait until you find out what non-white parent's attitudes are! But, times are changing, and you are a part of that. Stick with your friends, and friendships. When you move out and find your own place, you can invite your parents over to meet your friends, and maybe they will begin to understand why you think their concerns are groundless. Until you move out, don't make an issue of their concerns. Their place, their rules.
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