A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:He saw an email to my ex - it was bad. I admit that. But it wasn't from present day! And although he saw it recently, before that he saw my messages telling the ex to leave me alone cuz I was happy with my boyfriend. The email was from a stage in our relationship that was not going well. I was doing whatever I could to get us back to where we used to be and he was doing the opposite. I was very upset - very sad - I sent an inappropriate email a few days after he told me he didn't want to be together anymore. Long story short, We worked everything out and have been FABULOUS since that rough patch. Cut to two months of pure bliss again and he finds the email . . . He won't speak to me. 6 years ! I can't call him, email him, ANYTHING! Just like that over some stupid email that I wrote while I was upset and feeling completely unwanted. Is there any hope ? How can I get him to speak with me again ? I don't want to push him away. I emphasize that I love this man with my whole heart and soul. I ache knowing that he's hurt and I can't be with him. And that its all my fault! Most of all I can't imagine not spending the rest of my life in his life. : ( Please help.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): I found some stuff I shouldn't on Facebook a year ago and I'm still struggling to deal with it.
2 months isn't really a long time ago imo.
good luck anyhow.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): I was on his end of things about a year ago. I was dating a girl and was still in a relationship that was not going well. She was past her ex, physically, but not emotionally. Things were not going great for us. One day, about 2 months into our relationship, she invited him over for sex in an email. I found this email several months later and moved out. I eventually forgave her because she insisted nothing had happened and I realized it was in the early stages of our relationship where the commitment was a bit up in the air. However, it left lasting scars and trust issues that took a long time to rid.You need to spill the truth here. You need to express not only that you felt it was stupid, but WHY you did it. He needs to know your intent. Because, even though he may be convinced you are sorry, he needs assurance that he can trust you and that you won't turn to someone else for comfort and validation whenever things go bad.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): Explanation - We've been together for 6 years. I'm 5 years younger than him and at one point I wasn't ready for the commitment - probably 2 years in. We took a break and I did my 21 year old let me be free thing. We got back together 6 or 7 months later. I dated a drama loving bad boy as a rebound and it happens to be a small town with a similar group of friends. He will go to extreme lengths to involve me in his life. I realize @ this point how terribly dumb it was to allow him any sort of connection but at times we could be civil. He's a regular at the bar I worked at. I stopped working there to benefit my relationship with my long term boyfriend because of that reason.
He would send me an email occasionally which I typically wouldn't reply to. I was really emotional at the time. I was so so sad and this was positive attention. Still not right but it is what it is. He broke up with me at that point. A part of it said i would see you soon. No plans or intention to but it wasn't too far off from being a possibility. Since then boyfriend and I made a complete turn around and I told the ex that he needed to stop communication all together. I left the bar, blocked him from calling, texting, emailing.
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A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (26 January 2011):
The situation isn't entirely clear to me, so please elaborate on the following:
You've been with your bf for 6 years. So that ex you sent e-mails to was your bf when you were +/- 16. Why is he still in your life after all these years? Why do you contact him when things are not going well? Don't you have friends that could help you with that? Especially since you were the one to tell your ex to leave you alone. Also, what do you consider to be an "inappropriate" e-mail? When exactly did you send it?
Before I can give you any kind of advice I need to gain some insight in the above.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (26 January 2011):
 While I don't condone his refusal to even talk to you, if this is how he is, you may also have to delete the ex's contact info and emails to/from him when you and your boyfriend get back in touch. So many people cheat with ex's that your guy's very jealous over this.
But for now, give him a little space to calm down, then swallow your pride and apologize to him for the old email. Don't get hung up on explaining what a rough time it was at first, just be sorry. Just get him talking to you again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): Oh I just want to add, that email must have been really bad for him to not even want to talk to you.
I wish you luck OP, because I can definitely imagine a situation where an email to an ex has content so bad that I wouldn't consider it childish never to talk to again, in fact I would think it a wise decision.
So without knowing that content I really can say.
But if you were comparing him to your ex, saying you love your ex, talking about getting back together with your ex etc. then I wouldn't blame him for walking away OP.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): Give it a week or two and see what happens, if he still won't contact you or still has you blocked then go see him face to face. Give him a chance to cool down first though, you don't want be on the receiving end of his raw emotions.
Look if this really is him breaking up with you then make him do it face to face, don't let this slide. After a week or two if he's still not talking to you then that's just childish, so don't tolerate that. Go talk to him in person. Yeah there's still a chance but you have to give him a bit of space to cool down, I know it's hard but nothing in life that's worth having comes easy.
Stay busy for these couple of weeks and do things to keep your mind off him but for god sake don't start talking to another ex or start getting close to any other guys etc. I doubt you will as you know how bad an idea that was last time.
It's not just a stupid email by the way, it was emotional cheating on your part. You don't turn to another guy when you're going through a rough patch, you work it out on your own with your partner. Being upset and feeling unwanted are not excuses as you well know, otherwise how can he trust you not to do the same thing again the next time you get upset? You have to now be able to show him he can trust you not to run to other guys when things get rocky between you and the first way you do that is to actually give this email the importance it deserves. It's not just a "stupid email" that you did by mistake while you were "upset" it is huge deal for you to turn to an ex in that situation.
That's cheating.
For all he knows you're doing the exact same thing now because you're upset and feeling unwanted now too.
As much as you say you love him with all your heart, if that's the case then why did you turn to your ex? Honestly I'd find it very hard to believe a girl loved me in that situation, extremely hard actually and would probably do exactly what he's done except for me it would be the end. I would not go back to that because it's too risky, if it happens once then it will happen again because you seem to brush this email off as if it was only "inappropriate" a mistake but you can't do that. You know what you did, there are no excuses and if it was me and you wanted to win me back then that would be the first step. Acknowledging exactly what you did and how big a deal that actually is. Because to me it's a deal breaker, hands down, it destroys all trust and after 6 years it's even worse, because what he thought might have been a solid "he's the only guy for you" relationship you've completely turned that on its head.
You have to prove by owning up to what you did properly and seeing if he can forgive you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 January 2011):
 Well you have 2 options that I can see.
One, write a "real" letter and send it through the mail.
Two, Give him some time & space.
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A
male
reader, Azza +, writes (26 January 2011):
You shouldn't have gone near your ex if you knew any kind of contact with him would mean risking your relationship. Does he know when and why you emailed him? I'm not sure what's in this email, but it must have been pretty bad for things to go this way. Massive trust issues are obvious, but I think only time will let you know how much he is willing to let you back in. He might just need some space right now.
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