I can't understand how he can be happy in this marriage knowing well I love another man who I'm unable to have any contact with. Or should I just be content with what I have?

A female age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I'm married to a really nice man, my best friend really, since 1996. For him it's always been real love but I've foregone the passion as I never thought it was that important, but as the years went on I found it more and more difficult to meet my husband's intimacy needs, and with things the way they stand now, we haven't slept together in years. For the last year we've slept in different rooms.5 years ago I broached the subject of divorce for the first time. I've had quite bad bouts of reactive depression over the years. I feel it's because I feel "trapped" in a marriage with a man I like but not love. My husband says it's because I'm confused between lust and love and all we need for a good relationship is right there in front of me! But surely something is really not right when I cannot bear intimate kisses or the touch of my partner. I've not had much sexual experience in the past and never put a high value on "falling in love", or sexual passion, but 5 years ago that all changed when I fell in love with a man (and that's before we even touched!)The timing for us was all wrong due to various circumstances, but it has left its mark, and 5 years on I still love this man deeply.My husband knows all about it. He seems content to hang on to this marriage for all its worth, maintains that our love is stronger than any passion which burns itself out soon anyway, goes on constantly about wanting babies (would have to be an immaculate conception then!), and says the reason I'm still sitting on the fence is because deep down I know we're meant to be together. Then why is it that whenever I've made a firm decision that I'm going to walk away, I always feel like a huge weight is off my shoulder?? He then manages to talk me out of it again, and before I know it another huge cloud comes over me and I'm stuck again, same place where I started 5 years ago. I'm desperately unhappy and cannot understand how he can be happy in this "marriage" or what he gets out of it knowing full well I love another man and that most of the unhappiness is not being able to have any contact with him. If the roles were reversed I couldn't bear living with someone who didn't really want me as it would destroy me. Am I asking too much, expecting too much, should I be happy with what I've got, count my blessings that I have a man who doesn't hit me, works hard, a decent human being and who loves me and will do anything for me. Am I mad to walk out on that just to start again, on my own, at 39 in a country where I have no family or friends?

View related questions: best friend, divorce, fell in love

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