A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I started university in September and have formed a good group of friends. I have started to date one of the guys in the group privately and I know he has fairly strong feelings for me. However, I have been talking a lot with one of the other guys in the group and I am starting to develop feelings for him, potentially stronger than with the guy I am dating. I'm not quite sure what to do about this. Please help! I don't know whether to continue dating the first guy seeing as I may feel stronger for the second one. He is really nice, treats me well and obviously thinks a lot of me. The second guy is funny but less serious about commitment
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 January 2017):
 If you don't want to date guy one then end things. Don't just settle for someone because they have feelings for you, as he will be the one that ends up heartbroken. You need to decide what you want.
As for guy two, you are in dangerous territory here, even though you are young and may date lots of guys, you should not date two friends as it makes life hell for guy one and awkward for guy two. You can't mess with people's feelings like that.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 December 2016):
 Don't continue with guys nr.1, that's for sure! You don't semm interested in him at all, he sounds like someone you date just to pass time. As in, if nothing else interesting is happening you are dating him, so at least you won be bored....
You don't like him! If you liked him you'd not be so keen at looking elsewhere. If you're dating someone and you aren't feeling "it", chemistry, connection, butterflies etc, then he's not the right guy for you. No matter if he treats you nice and no matter if he has feelings for you! You don't have feelings for him, and that's why you need to stop stringing him along.
As for guy nr.2, who knows. But you will certainly never find out when you're playing guy nr.1 this way.
And, yes, this is playing guy nr.1. You're not the least interested in him, yet you continue on dates. For what point, if not to string him along so you can feel good about yourself?
Im not saying this to be cruel, but to open your eyes to what you are doing. I've done this myself so many times, thats how I know this is exactly what you are doing. Do guy nr.1 a favour and let him go. He deserves to date someone who is genuinely interested in him and finds him adorable, and has equally strong feelings for him as he feel for them. That person isn't you.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (25 December 2016):
 Do you want a relationship or not? You need to decide that for yourself first.
Be very careful when moving onto another friend in the same group as I can guarantee that the first guy won't be very happy about it and could potentially fall out with you and the other guy. Is it worth it?
Weigh it all up and proceed with caution.
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A
male
reader, Whatwomanwant35  +, writes (25 December 2016):
It is evident that you yourself are not so much concerned with having an actual "committed" relationship or you would not be developing these stronger feelings for the guy that displays no seriousness about a committed relationship but is funny and fun to be around. In college especially, you have every opportunity in finding someone who is both fun, funny and a genuine gentleman that can appreciate a woman for all that is her which means understanding what makes her tick, knows what her wants are, appreciates her for HER and all the little quirks that come with her. This is a rare quality in a man or a woman for that matter but in order for a "committed" relationship to work, to last and to maintain a sense of fun, excitement and happiness throughout its entirety, that committed relationship needs to be built on TRUST with absolutely no room for insecurities, jealousies, COMPASSION which includes understanding the emotional needs of that person and catering to them etc. There are so many things that need to be in place and worked on throughout the term of a "Committed" relationship and honestly, college is one of the hardest places to find all of those things. In short, ask yourself: Do I really want or need to be in a "Committed" relationship or can I be happy just getting to know people? You don't have to feel like a floozie or a tramp or a slut or whatever else people wanna label woman, you are an individual and a woman that gets to decide whether or not you want to concentrate on school and have some friends along the way without any attachment or, go through school and also put forth the time and energy into someone else's emotions, wants, frustrations etc etc....I am not saying "Committing" yourself to ONE person is a bad or saddening thing, but I am saying that it takes work and with the right person, it is the most rewarding and amazing feeling that you will ever experience in life. So before you feel like you need to make that decision now, take a moment to get to know you, yourself and become a confident YOU. Without that, you can't make anyone happy. Good Luck on this exiting journey of Adulthood and higher education. Be who you want, not what someone else wants you to be.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (25 December 2016):
 You are at an age where you are likely to date lots of people for relatively short periods of time as you discover what you want or don't want in a potential partner. Not everyone you date will be a life partner, or even a long term boyfriend. This is part and parcel of growing up.If your heart is not in your existing relationship, finish kindly and cleanly with your boyfriend. Don't tell him you are finishing with him to go out with one of his friends as that is not kind. Just say you are not ready for a steady relationship or something along those lines. Don't be tempted to date two guys at the same time, especially when they mix in the same circles, as that will eventually come out and cause repercussions in the circle (and you will probably find yourself with a lot less friends).
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