A
female
age
36-40,
*razy_In_Love86
writes:Dear Cupid,I recently had my boyfriend break up with me, but I know it was for the better. He explained to me that we entered this relationship at the wrong time. We know we love each other and he said that even if we didnt get back together he would always be in my life. We both have things to solve among ourselves that when we get back together we will have little or no problems. He wants us to be friends right now and he wants us to get to know each other a little better. Everyday I hurt knowing he is not with me. I know that I have to deal with my insecurites, selfishness, being inconsiderate, and just basically the trust. This is mainly the reason why we broke up in the first place. I just want everything to be like they use to be minus the problems. What should I do?
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female
reader, Crazy_In_Love86 +, writes (14 April 2008):
Crazy_In_Love86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers. I definately know now what I need to do to be happy with myself. Love is a journey sometimes better done alone and down the road somebody worth picking up will join you. Its going to be hard, but I am praying for strength.
A
female
reader, Deema  +, writes (10 April 2008):
 PS I also know sometimes we have to go back, especially if there is any doubt at all, to finish the thing properly. It will happen, you will one day really feel you can't do this anymore, and it will be without all the heartache and pain. I know, cus I was there before too, and maybe may even have to do the same myself now. At the moment I'm not sure. Time will tell.
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A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (10 April 2008):
Its tough hun, I'm in the same place myself. Just split with my husband a week ago and missing him like mad - sometimes, and others relieved I don't have the hassle. But yes, it hurts. I've been trying to focus on what I need to do next and put that in order. I've rearranged the house, sorted out financial stuff, and now thinking about what work I can do to get myself financially independent. I'm getting support from friends and going away for a few days to clear my head a little. Think about what would really make you happy each day, and then try to do it. I'll let you know if it works :)))). Love and blessings.
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A
female
reader, ninjalove +, writes (10 April 2008):
 I know what your going threw in fact I'm going threw it as I write this.I'm sorry to hear your going threw this and I think you should listen to everyone who Answered this.You sound a lot like me and what they said to you inspired me and made me realize a lot of things that I need to do.I hope they spoke to you like they did to me.Take there advice to heart.
lots of Love to you
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A
female
reader, writes4me +, writes (10 April 2008):
Walk away and learn to love yourself first. You cannot connect with anyone you cannot trust and if the fault was all your, then you need to learn to trust yourself first. Love is not love when you are constantly unsure of what the other person is doing, what they are thinking, etc. You aren't missing him, you are really missing having that friend that you once had. If you can find other friends and immerse yourself in doing better for your own mental well being, then I think you'll soon find that you don't miss this guy as much as you think.
People never look so good as when we fantasize about them. Cut out the fantasy and see your relationship for what it was... nothing that was going to be workable as it was.
I hope you take care of yourself in the meantime. Be good to yourself and keep busy. Make new friends.
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A
female
reader, yoginipirate +, writes (10 April 2008):
 I agree with happytochat. You need to spend time focusing on starting out on your own. This is supposed to be an exciting time for you- life is open wide for you to come & explore, as an adult. As an adult, it's important to know that people have difficulty closing doors before new ones are opened. You need to keep in mind that you are no longer seeing this person & he said "if" you get back together- you said "when". Also, there is NO time when you will have little or no problems, especially with someone that you've gone back & forth with in the past. Don't believe the hype about love only happening once, that's crap. You'll be in love many times in your life. Give yourself time to grow & be more ready to appreciate the next NEW person that you share it with. Be brave, move on. You really will be fine!
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (10 April 2008):
To me it sounds like this break up is a good idea because if you have severe insecurities they wont allow you to have a healthy relationship. Insecurities are something that need to be dealt with OUT of a relationship, so since you and your bf have broken up you should be able to deal with this. Its about learning to love yourself and realise you are a valuable person with OR without a bf. So I think this break up will be a good chance for you to do this. I hope you can see that too. Its understandable you miss him, but it will get better! Just remmeber that. How long ago did you guys break up? My guess is that it is still only early stages.
Rather then focusing on how much you miss him and so on, focus on YOURSELF! Create a plan to deal with the things you feel you need to deal with such as insecurities, trust selfishness etc and then implement it. You may find seeing a counsellor will help you do this all. Best of luck :)
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