A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Am a 17 year old girl,i sudenly fell in love with a 20 year old guy,we,ve been so inlove bt the problem is my famile treat me like 10 year old ,they lock the gate at 18:00 i cannot even text my bf to tel him that i cannot meet up with him because i have no cellphone,i really love this guy and he takes care of me and i dont want to lose hime but he's getting bored everitime i tell him i cannot see him because my famile doesnt want me to go out and that is hurting him,i have been thinking of running away and stay with him and give him a child so that my family wil let me do everithing i wan to because their controling me like m a teenager who doesnt know anythng about dating ,is it a right decision to run away?
View related questions:
fell in love, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (9 October 2014):
I’m sorry but I struggled to believe what I was reading. Here’s some-one wanting to be treated like an adult, who thinks that running away with some-one they’re just dating, with I assume no job and no money is a good idea, and that bringing a child in to such a ridiculous situation is a good idea just to prove a point to your parents. I don’t blame your parents trying their hardest to protect you like this, not because you’re 17, but because, I’m afraid, you’re a pretty immature and childish 17 year-old. I don’t know how to be politer and less critical of you I’m afraid. Go with the suggestion of talking to your parents and telling them how you desire more freedom. Suggest they meet your boyfriend and you agree boundaries. Whilst living under their roof you have to respect their rules but encourage them to make compromises so things can be improved. And if you do decide that you want to leave home and stand on your own 2 feet with your boyfriend, for goodness sake don’t have a child. Don’t do that until you have a job, a place to live, and a way of supporting yourself, or being supported by him, as you look after the child. Basically forget any notion of children and concentrate on showing your parents you’re mature enough for them to let go a bit.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (9 October 2014):
 Ask him to dinner with your family, so they can get to know him. Then you get to spend time with him after 1800hrs.
Threatening to run away and get pregnant is an immature and overly dramatic teenager response to your situation. I can see why your parents are concerned about you. You are making wild threats that could completely alter your future in a negative way.
Ten year old children talk about running away. If you are thinking this way, then your parents are correct in assuming that you are thinking like a child still.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (9 October 2014):
Sorry that you feel so trapped. It used to be that people were considered adults when they were younger. Our culture may have changed, but our bodies haven't. We still desire out freedom (and some intimacy) early on.
The problem is that your parents are responsible for you. If you were to have a baby, it wouldn't be you or your boyfriend taking care of and supporting the baby, it'd be you and your parents. So they have a right to have a say in how your life is run until you can take care of yourself.
I promise you. YOUR BOYFRIEND DOES NOT WANT A BABY OR A LIVE IN GIRLFRIEND. He wants to spend more time with you. That's it at this point.
When you're 18 you can move out and do whatever you want (hopefully not get pregnant). Almost there!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2014): Everything you said in your post shows your family is absolutely right about you. You're seeing a guy too old for you; while you're irresponsible and impulsive. Guess what? You'll get pregnant and end-up by yourself; because all he wants from you is sex. You're in-love with being in-love, and behaving like the usual under-aged rebellious teenage girl without a clue.
The story always ends the same. She gets pregnant, the guy takes off, she is lonely and estranged from the family. She tries to prove she can do it on her own, but ends up doing hideous and disgusting jobs to survive on her own. While more losers parade in and out of her life. Most often, she ends up with yet another kid out of wedlock. Now has two kids with different fathers. All her dreams of a career and marriage are out the window.
Nothing turned out the way she sat in her nice comfortable room back at home and planned out. She misses her mom, her dad, even though they made her very angry. She misses her family and everyone laughing at the table. Her comfortable room, with her pets. She misses her brothers and sisters,
and they worry about her and what she's doing. If she has a little sister, someday she will be as terrible as her big sister; because she thinks that's the way to behave.
Go ahead. You'll be spending nights up alone with a crying baby. He won't be able to earn enough for a comfortable place to live, you'll be living from hand to mouth. The baby will need diapers, clothes, formula, pediatric checkups, and you'll need prenatal and postnatal care. He'll be running around with other girls when you're blown-up like a balloon, and fat and pregnant. He'll get sick of you whining and complaining. Life will be hard.
The usual ending? He will disappear and wait for your family to come and take you home with your baby. Your family will be furious with you and disappointed in how terribly you behaved. How badly you hurt and upset your mother. Your father will feel he failed as a dad; because he tried to protect his young daughter out of love. They all know how neighbors and extended family shun irresponsible girls who shame themselves with undereducated lowlife guys who use them like streetwalkers, and runoff after they get them in trouble.
Go ahead. Sounds like you've got it all figured out and you can live on his love.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 October 2014):
 Pardon me, but that's the silliest thing I have read lately on DC - it shows that you ARE a teenager ( well, you are ) and not one of the most mature,as for that.
So , you want to make a baby at 17... to be free ?... And to have more time to spend at night with your bf ?..
Don't you realize that it will be the baby who will limit your freedom even more ?...
Who's going to mind the baby while you are out having fun with your bf ? Your parents ? ... I would not count on that , parrticularly if you have run away from home ! And the baby will need to be changed, and fed , at certain times. If you breastfeed, you can look forward at many months of being always on call , always present 24/ 7 - your baby will care what time it is even LESS than your parents, if he/she needs you.
I agree that your parents sound awfully strict, but we at DC only get one side of the story,- maybe you are a rebellious child, maybe you got in big trouble in the past, maybe they do not like your bf and with good reason.. who knows.
In lack of these details, what you can do it's little things, a little at the time. Like, you don't have a cell phone- well, tell your BF to give you one, if he cares at least about talking to you after the curfew, that is the least he can do !
Does your family know him ? if not, why not ? He can come and show his face to them, and ASK them if he can take you out on X day , reassure your parents that he will look after you . If he is convincing, and does not give them the feeling that he just wants you for sex, ( right now or in the future ) that would help .
As a matter of fact, if you have irredeemably old style parents , ... he can be an irredeemably old style bf with an old style courtship, he can come hang out and watch TV with your family - just stay under their nose until they know him, like him and trust him.
He won't do that ? Yes, it's a big sacrifice , I agree, a big limitation of your freedom- particularly sexual freedom, no doubt about it. Nevertheless, the job of a good boyfriend who cares abiut his girl, ( as opposed to a partner - in- crime who only wants some casual fun and then see ya ) is also that of " working " reluctant parents until they come around and accept him.
Start talking to your parents ( not yelling or lashing out at them ) , asking them , for the moment, for a little more leeway, an hour more, half an hour more, and tell them for what it is, going where ,with whom. They should be real ogres to say no to that on principle . Of course, if you just want to come and go as you please, unquestioned, any time you want- that won't go down that well in a traditional, strict family.
But it's better that you try to work with them, compromise , be happy with being given , for now, 10 extra minutes rather than the whole night you may want.
Because you may also be right on principle ( you are a daughter, not a prisoner on house arrest )- but the
" revolution " that you have in mind is so reckless and self destructive that , frankly, I don't know if you are ready for any more freedom than you have.
...............................
|
