A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need advice please, i am a 27 yr old female and have just broken up with my boyfriend of 3 years a week ago. We were living together for 2 years. I happilly gave up my job and former life to make a life with him. I am at a job i enjoy, i passed my driving test, gave up smoking, took up a hobby and felt really good about the way things were going for us both. Of course we had our ups and downs during this time, but he just decided to end it, with no warning signs and has not really explained the real reason for this. All he has said is i can do better, and he doesn't deserve me. I am really confused by what he has said or is trying to say. I moved out as soon as he said these words, but i cannot stop going over everything that he has said, it doesn't make sense. I had the idea of maybe meeting up and finally talking about this but i don't know if i should or not.
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male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 Even if it hurts, you want to hear a better reason for terminating a three-year relationship than "You could do better than me".
Either he doesn't want to tell you the real reason (e.g., you snore in bed, his mother doesn't like you, or he found someone else), or he really has done something that makes him feel unworthy of you (e.g., found out he's gay, found someone else, stole from your bank account).
I think you should try and get a more satisfying explanation from him. You need some kind of closure, and "You could do better" just doesn't cut it.
A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Sometimes people say things like that when they know they are going to hurt you, its kind of a gentle let down, but in such an emotional state it leaves you very confused. Bottom line is he's gone hun, he had to get out of a 3 year relationship. It was never going to be easy or pain free. He just did it the best way he knew how to and obviously felt very guilty for doing it, and thats why he said you deserve better. At least he wasn't unkind. Not that is any consolation to your breaking heart. Hope it soon mends hun. Lotsavluv xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): My bf did that to me. We got back together 4 hours later
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (10 June 2008):
 It's no more than a "nice" way of letting you down gently.
Phrases like that mean "I don't want to be with you any more but it's not your fault and I really don't want to hurt you so this is all I can say to try to make you feel better."
If it's possible for you to stay friends with him then that's good, but unfortunately I would be fairly sure that you can't expect anything more than friendship. He's made the decision that you aren't his partner for the future.
I know it's difficult to do, but I really suggest that you don't push him for a better explanation. Whatever it is might hurt far more, or you might push him into a tangle of lies that would become unforgivable if and when you know the truth. Try to move on.
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A
male
reader, jay12toes  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 right, more then likely theres a bigger reason for him leaving then that you are too good for him, but you do have the right to know what that reason is. so i think it would be a good idea for you to talk to him on this subject. find out the truth. and if he still says that hes just not good enough for you, then ask him what he did to not deserve you any more. its possible that he did something horrible right befor the breakup. so if it turns out that he didnt lie to you, and he hasnt done anything terrible, then you should tell him that hes the one you want and its not fair for him to say if hes good enough for you, because your old enough to judge for yourself. i hope i helped.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): I am sorry to say that expressions like 'you're a good catch, you can do better, and you don't deserve me' are just gentle ways of letting you down. Don't read into them or analyze them. Actions speak louder than words
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