A
female
age
30-35,
*icole18
writes:I've been participating in sexual activities for a couple of years, on and off. But I have never 'cum' before! I know not every girl cums, but I don't even get aroused. I am excited for about the first 30 seconds and then nothing. It's not painful, annoying, tingling, exciting, nothing. I'm just layin there getting tired! What is wrong? Will I ever enjoy sex, and other sexual activities? And how can I show the guy it's not them! Because i feel like i'm just crushing their ego's!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): If you're looking for an orgasm from exclusively penetration, don't. 90% of women don't come from that, we come from clitoral stimulation. I've been with guys who figured that because they had a big dick, it was alll they needed to get the job done, and let me tell you, they didn't. And that was the last they saw of me.
Contrary to what porns show, women need clitoral stimulation... its why we enjoy foreplay so much. I mean, sure... the penetration is is nice too, but only penetration is like brushing your teeth... back forth, in and out, and before you know it, you're counting the cracks on the tiles of your ceiling and thinking you really need to get someone in to fix that and then your mind really wanders to all of the other repairs your house needs.
But I digress... try masturbating. Make sure you can get yourself off, so that when you're with a lover, you can tell them how to get you off.
A
male
reader, guppypig  +, writes (26 March 2009):
Honey, a competent lover would make you cum. A competent lover would show you how to relax and feel your body so that you are responsive and receptive to orgasm.
You have a right to orgasm(s).
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A
female
reader, cassie987  +, writes (26 March 2009):
well i have a problem similar to yours. i have never cum before either. i am 20 and i have only have sex with one person. he is my botfriend and we do it quite often. i get pleasure in the foreplay but when it come to penetration, i feel pleasure but not as much as i would want. i dont know what to do either
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): are you on any medication which could decrease libido??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): Did you ever think that maybe it is the guys and not you?
From my personal experience - before I got to my most recent boyfriend, I'd been with 7 guys, some of them just for a couple of weeks, some of them for a longer period of time.. I was seeing one guy for almost a year. I liked them but I wasnt serious about them in any sense of the way.
And I can say that I felt like you.. I wanted to have sex but it was just so boring, I felt nothing, I figured that I was one of those women that would never be able to orgasm, etc. And they complained that I wasnt spontaneous, etc. Basically, I felt exactly the same way you described yourself.
Then I met my current boyfriend who I am very much in love with, and finally, I started having sex like your suppose to. So I realized that your mind controls your body, and you cant trick your mind.
A different way for you to think about things.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): Yes, more info is needed. Also are you relaxed? If you're anxious, then that doesn't help. Also being able to tell your partner what feels good and what to do. Try different things, oral sex, sex toys, fingering....maybe watching adult videos will help get you in the mood and give ideas. Also getting an exam and talking to your gynecologist is important.
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 You've had 30 seconds of pleasure doing what? Do you masturbate? Is this pleasure coming from the clitoris, penetration, G spot? Have you tried stimulating your clit during penetration? Really need more info to try and help out!
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