A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met a girl on a dating site 8 weeks ago. We only see each other every weekend, I stay at hers, cause we live over an hour away from each other.Every thing seemed brilliant until today when she let me take away her laptop to fix. I found she had gone onto the dating site only last week and sent an email to someone else and gave her facebook details to him. Previous weeks to that she had told me she tried to delete her dating account but cudn't remember the password to log in.She's just last week moved into a new house so now ive been helping her with decorating etc. She hasnt been as affectionate last 2 weekends but i took that because of the stress of moving and being tired, etc.I really like this girl alot because she ticks all the right boxes for me which doesn't come along too often. But now i'm confused and wonder if she is using me until she finds someone else? Or is this normal for only a 8 week relationship? She hasnt told me anything verbally about if she's romantically into me, she has only showed it physically.
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male
reader, gaydating  +, writes (14 April 2011):
hmmmm there is something wrong, is weird that she didnt asked why....some of the signs I got that this guy wasnt that much into me as I was into him, was that sometimes he would ask me how I was doing, and he never asked why in some of the times when I told him I wasnt feeling well.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses, they have helped me to feel bit better. She normally has been affectionate like grabbing my hand over the table, staring in my eyes etc. Just nothing verbally. I had a gut feeling that something wasnt right 2 weeks ago and now I discovered this. I'm really into this girl, obviously more than shes into me. I dont shower her with gifts apart I always bring something nice for us to share when I visit. And she always pays her way or treats me sometimes.Ive decided not see her this weekend as I may feel awkward and then feel the need to tell her that I know and I dont want to rock the boat. I'd sooner stay positive and get the house move/decorating out the way first before saying anything. I'll just see if things improve back to how they were a few weeks.When I did text her to say I wasnt going to go see her this weekend the only reply was " Ok thats up 2 u" , never even asked why!
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A
male
reader, gaydating +, writes (6 April 2011):
well take it easy dude, and 1st establish a friendship with her, and then just see where it leads to....I was used as a rebound, and I also met this person online. anyways, before you do anything, ask her where you stand with her and ask her to be honest. that way you wont create false hopes and you'll know if it is best to move forward, but again ask her. oh and dont ignore the signs (if there's any) that may show she's not that much into you(if there's any). I got a lot of red flags warning me but I was too blind to see them so I ignored them and I ended up getting hurt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): How'd you even get access to her email? Hm. I agree you should just ask her, but if you got the information in a less than honest way, it may be a slippery slope for you. I don't necessarily agree that all women are more verbal and action-oriented. And from what you've written it's hard to say whether she's that into you or not. I do agree though, that if she really really really liked you, then yes, she'd probably be acting and saying things that would be more reassuring to you. Talk to her and find out. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (6 April 2011):
Does she even thanks you?It is a good idea not to shower a girl with gifts/money. You'll get disappointed if she dumps you. Some girls are really good at using man, and man are very dumb to be in the game. [I was once like that, and I allowed a girl to use me] On the other hand, woman are very weird. I have been 4 years with my girlfriend. She seldom kisses me, or hugs me. I'm the one that showers her with kisses, hugs, and all those stuff. I sometimes feel bad about it. I sometimes feel she doesn't loves me. One trick I do to get her tell me she loves me, is not telling her I love her. I learned that every time you tell her you love her, those words devalue. So it is a good idea toa) wait until she tells you she loves youb) tell her you love her once a day.c) if she gives you a gift, on the following days, give her a gift also.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): She's keeping a defined distance dude. That's not a good sign. Women put more importance in words than they do actions I find (just look at how many believe our lies despite our actions being completely different). I've dated girls that were perfectly fine going as far as I wanted physically but would never say the words, they would not commit verbally or talk about feelings, they kept a certain distance and it never went any further because of that.
Seriously if a girl isn't verbally affectionate then she's not that into you. She's not being cautious either, she's just not interested in that with you right now. Take your time and take nothing for granted. Until you see a sign that she wants to move this relationship on to the next level then just go with it and assume she's all about the sex. She's not using you dude, you're a willing participant. Now if she's getting stuff from you, if you're showering her with gifts and money then that's on you, not her. She'd only be using you if she was deceiving you, the fact she hasn't said anything means she is absolved of all responsibility here. It means you're basing everything on an assumption based on a physical act with no other evidence nor commitments from her.
If you want more, then wait until the dust of moving settles then talk to her.
Don't feel used, don't feel bad and it's only been 8 weeks. Just find out where you stand, she could be the kind of person that doesn't find it easy to verbalize emotions but it's better you know what she wants.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 Well it is still early days for the both of you and she is probably just keeping her options open until she gets to know you properly. I think you should tell her what you discovered on her laptop. Honesty is always the best policy and just talk to her about it. Dont be angry or upset with her just be nice and ask her where you stand with her and what the story is between the both of you. Goodluck.
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